May 15, 2008

The Bitch Tigress of the Orient

There is this lady manager in Company X, known for her fiery temper and assiduous characteristics. She excels in her work, is objective driven and is very well liked by the top management. Hell, she was even given a personalized epithet by our western counterparts – ‘The Bitch Tigress of the Orient’. Now this ‘Bitch Tigress’ might seem successful in her career and stuff, but there is one side of her that does not seem to complement the success well. Her looks.

Yes, her looks. She is still a spinster for that very obvious reason. She is so frigging ugly that if it wasn’t for the laws of physics, we all would have been petrified by her presence alone. When she’s around, flowers would wither, food would turn bad and small animals would die. She is one hell of a cursed motherfucking creature walking on Earth for reasons unknown to mortal men.

A couple days ago, I was unfortunate enough to be spotted by ‘Bitch Tigress’, when I was whacking my lunch alone at the Company X cafeteria. She was by herself, and was probably looking for a company to chat or something but, I was unlucky enough to be in proximity. She asked if she could join me in my table… I so wanted to ask her to fuck off and leave me alone, but I couldn’t. That is because in the corporate world, we are all bound by this invisible force of courteousness (alright, I was fucking scared of her), so I said yes, why not, she can certainly join me. But I knew I was in for a really difficult time.

She attempted to chat up, but I would just give her the same standard “yeah?” and “Yeah” reply. I wasn’t really into it because I just wanted to finish my food fast and get the fuck out of there. But for some strange reasons, it became quite an uphill task. Every spoonful of my rice tasted just weirder and weirder – until I finally realized that it was so because the beef patty on my plate was spoilt (see ‘food would turn bad’ above). Mein Gott Himmel!!

And that was when I also noticed that the ‘Bitch Tigress’ was eating like a pig. She had food spilling over the edge of her plate and also from her mouth. In fact, there was a grain of rice stuck right above her upper lip while she happily munched her fried chicken boisterously. It was distracting. The piece of rice seemed to have a life of its own, like it was trying to climb up from her upper lip into her nostril for a cave spelunking adventure. I was thinking of whether to tell her about that grain of rogue rice, but a part of me wanted to see if it actually would made it all the way up into her fucking nose so… Anyway, it didn’t. It eventually flew out together with the rest of the projectiles from her mouth during her eloquent speech.

The whole episode lasted a little less than 10 minutes before I took a hasty leave, but I have to admit, it was the longest of 10 disturbing minutes for me, for I have never seen such an utter female slob in my life before. I mean, how could a female be at such unrefined state that would disgust even a guy?

You might say that it’s impossible but, I have met such person before – ‘The Bitch Tigress of the Orient’.

Leave me your contact if she’s your type.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

14 Comments to “The Bitch Tigress of the Orient”

  1. Dr. Tan says:

    Best thing ever, tapau food to your work area and eat there.

  2. eric says:

    No thanks Michael, you can keep her in Company X, DO NOT unleash her onto the unsuspecting Penang public!

  3. ShaolinTiger says:

    Here’s a nice thought for you…next time you see her just recall her table manners and imagine how she’d slurp down with vigour on your pork sword :D

  4. Arkane says:

    hey I have a bitch tigress equivalent in my company. mother fucking ugly creature. obnoxious behavior, pisses everyone off, scorned by all but got her way up the corporate ladder by sucking some management’s balls. yup, sounds familiar.

  5. cmos says:

    We have one here as well… wonder if we could export her to Company X to keep the bitch tigress company?

  6. michaelooi says:

    Dr. Tan – I’m always against the idea of eating inside one’s cubicle. Stinks up the office. I’ve written about this before.

    eric – She’s certainly not LEASHED dude. She’s all over. Be very afraid…

    Shaolintiger – That’s some fantasy you have there buddy.

    arkane / cmos – Hmmm so every workplace has its own Bitch Tigress… God’s kinky.

  7. vincent says:

    Holy cow I know exactly what you mean.

    I used to have this really ugly colleague. She wasn’t irritating or a bitch, but she was just fucking ugly. I wouldn’t be wrong calling her the ugliest person I have seen in my life. Her face was as smooth as the surface of the moon and she had one eye bigger than another.

    I just couldn’t bring myself to look her in the face without feeling revolted. She was in my same deparment so it made work discussions really hard. I ended up sending her loads of emails to discuss work issues when it was easier to say it in person.

    Luckily I don’t have to work with her now.

  8. jusoh says:

    huh! i think i rather working with your office tigress (objective driven) than the dumb bitches inside my office.

    These bitches are all really dont know at what they suppose to do, not paying focus to their task, bitching about how they hate about sexual discrimination but at the same asking for extra help to do their work.

  9. chloe says:

    vincent – you are so shallow!

  10. michaelooi says:

    vincent – I have nothing against ugly people (well, except Jay Chou) but, that Bitch Tigress is simply too much in a package.

    jusoh – Oh hypocrite bitches. Lots of them in Company X. Hypocrite bitches complaining of being overworked DURING THEIR TEABREAK (I don’t get no fucking teabreaks… I’m too busy to even scratch my fucking balls)

    chloe – Awww, Chloe, you don’t have to get personal over this…

  11. vincent says:

    Oh I usually have nothing against ugly people, but this one was just revolting.

    For some reason.

    chloe: Would you run away if a leper tried chatting you up at a bar?

  12. frankie says:

    Mike, there is an antidote for her to change her fucking behaviour but it is going to great effort to provide this antidote to her. I learnt it from someone who has just too much free time in office to even think bout it. The antidote is to let these bitches to smell some warm sperm 3 nites in a row, and she will turn into a good lap dog.

  13. chloe says:

    vincent – u wrote ‘I used to have this really ugly colleague. She wasn’t irritating or a bitch, but she was just fucking ugly…. ‘

    I believe there must be a damn gd reason for someone to be labeled as a leper (regardless of how he looks)

  14. sam says:

    wow, good thing no one in my office looks like that…. :-)

    chloe: i think vincent meant that hypothetically la… aiyoyo!

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