Archive for April, 2008

April 28, 2008

red glaring object

I had a nightmare last night. A real scary one.

Here is how it goes :
I am behind my boss in a queue, at the Company X security checkpoint. We are in the line to have our body scanned with a handheld metal detector by the security guard.

When it comes to my boss’ turn, he is made to empty his pocket and then goes up on an elevated platform. With his hands outstretched, the security guard scans him with a handheld metal detector. It is all good until the guard runs the handheld metal detector through my boss’ chest, which the thing starts to beep like crazy. Thinking that it must be some leftover coins in his pocket, the guard then asks my boss to empty his pocket thoroughly and then run it through one more time. BEEEEEEEP! (if you can remember, this is kinda similar to what my friend Keith had encountered before)

That is when the security guard suspects something amiss and orders my boss to strip. I immediately can see my boss’ face turn red, like he foresees something embarrassing is about to happen. I then go “Oh fucking great. Now my boss’ a klepto. This is going to fucking mar my reputation man.” You know, things like that happen in Company X, people of high stature stealing computer parts for their own gratification.

With a miserable look, my boss then remove his shirt… and out pops this glaringly red object from his bare chest – it’s a red colored lacy bra! My boss is a fucking closet crossdresser!! The rest of us in the line fall down like dominoes (or like the bunch of Orcs in Lord of The Rings when Sauron lost his finger/ring) after being stabbed in the eyes by that revolting sight… and then I wake up, panting on my own bed.

This has got to be the scariest shit I have ever dreamed of.

People say, the things you do during the day make up what you dream at night. But I couldn’t remember what I did on Sunday that could have made me dream of my boss being a closet crossdresser… damn!

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 7 Comments
April 26, 2008


I came across this piece of news today…

Group protests visit by Chelsea’s Israeli duo
PUTRAJAYA: A coalition of 21 Islamic and Malay non-governmental organisations is protesting the visit of two Israelis who are part of the Chelsea English football team.

The group handed the Home Ministry a memorandum yesterday.

Its spokesman Mohd Azmi Abdul Hamid said that allowing entry to the Israelis would be in violation of the Government’s ban on the country’s citizens from entering Malaysia.

“The reason for the ban is to isolate Israel as a rogue state and to convey a message that it cannot have normal relations with other countries unless it recognises Palestine’s rights.

“If the footballers are allowed entry, the Government will be seen as being insensitive to the feelings of the Palestinians,” he said, adding that the NGOs would also like to remind the Government that Malaysia had previously been the Organisation of Islamic Conference (OIC) chairman.

Among the NGOs in the coalition were PAS, Muslim Youth Movement of Malaysia (Abim) and Muslim Consumers Association.

Chelsea, whose coach Avram Grant and midfielder Tal Ben Haim are Israeli citizens, and are set to play in Malaysia in July as part of their Asian summer tour.

Can you believe it? Makes you wonder, isn’t it? Like, haven’t these people got anything else better to do?

I have only one comment about these people who made this headline today – they’re nothing but a bunch of racists and losers that is a disgrace to our nation.

This is just soccer for fuck’s sake. Not something political. If they’re doing this (protest), then it would be akin to condoning the doctrine of associating every Muslim on the planet as ‘terrorist’. Now they wouldn’t like that, do they? But I doubt they’d want to be rational on this… they’re simply too ignorant to be able to think straight.

Fucking idiots.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 11 Comments
April 22, 2008


I wonder if you guys fucking remember this???

If you don’t, well, you either must be too young or too fucking old to know what I’m talking about.

This box of chocolate junk with an image of a cross-eyed Doraemon clone, has something other than chocolate balls in it – a cheap toy.

For some strange reason, kids during my time used to go all nuts about it (the crappy chocolate balls, however, would be discarded to feed Malaysian stray rats…). It was part of the madness that hit the 80’s, and ‘Cokelat Ding Daaaang’ held a special place in us kids’ hearts…

Today, that place has been detrimentally taken over by digital images of nude girls with fake titties on the internet… corrupting the minds of the young, lowering their IQ’s and retarding their growth. (that’s why they all look identically like Jay Chou now)

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 26 Comments
April 18, 2008


I want to ask you people something, and I want you to be honest about it, and I need as many answers as possible. You people have the whole weekend to do this…

Read the simple scenario below, and then move on to the main question.


Miss E’s shit ugly best friend is getting married. Not intending to attend her best friend’s wedding, which is going to be held at some bumfuck location in an ulu land far far away, Miss E decided to send her a gift instead. A bottle of exclusive and expensive body fragrance. Yeah, her best friend is definitely going to love it. She’s not going to smell bad no more.

So Miss E goes to this departmental store counter, and sees this perfect bottle of fragrance for her best friend – Tommy Hilfiger “Dreaming”. I don’t really know if it smells any good, but the name sure sounds nice, and not to mention, damn expensive. I mean, it isn’t really that expensive per se, but as a gift for someone else… it pricks a little.

Anyway, Miss E pays for the expensive little bottle of fragrance and goes on her way back to the office (she did the shopping during her lunchtime). As she is about to leave the carpark in her colleague’s car, she realizes that there are TWO bottles of Tommy Hilfiger “Dreaming” inside the bag. Mein gott himmel! What the fuck!? Now there are a few of her colleagues inside that car. One of them, the driver of the car, wants Miss E to return that extra bottle of EXPENSIVE FRAGRANCE to the departmental store… while the rest, they have a reserved opinion about returning the gift from God…

Miss E, she suddenly feels so small and helpless, not knowing what to do.


Now, on to the question – What would you do if you’re in Miss E’s position?

Would you keep the extra bottle of expensive Tommy Hilfiger fragrance?


Would you choose to return the damn thing to redeem yourself some glorified sense of righteousness?

Remember, Miss E didn’t plot for this. It was an accident. Somebody somewhere was careless, and she ended up with an extra bottle of fragrance she didn’t have to pay for.

Your opinion please and why. Thank you.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 60 Comments
April 16, 2008

peanut butter

The Company X cafeteria caterer has this odd way of charging its patron extra for mixed spreads of waffle pancakes. For example, if it’s one half butter spread with second half flavored spread (peanut butter, jam, honey, etc), it’ll be only RM1.50. But if both halves are with flavored spreads, an extra 30 cents will be charged, ergo RM1.80.

The cashier is located a distance away from the waffle counter, so in order to make the customized charging process work, Company X patrons are required to ‘declare’ their waffles at the cashier like it’s a fucking taxable commodity in each payout.

I was doing that yesterday, and following conversation transpired between myself and the cashier, who was a Malay lass in her fluorescent headscarf…

Me: “One waffle, with peanut butter and butter.”

Cashier: “I beg your pardon?”

Me: “One waffle, with peanut butter and butter.”

Cashier: “So you got 2 waffles there?”

Me: “No, I said ONE waffle, with one half peanut butter and the other half butter.”

Cashier: “Peanut butter?”

Me: “You have never heard of peanut butter before? Take a look at this then.” [shows her my waffle]

Cashier: [peeks into the brown paper bag] “Ooooohhhh, itu peanut.”

Me: “No, that is not a peanut if you can’t tell. That is called ‘peanut butter’. Spread made from peanuts.”

Cashier: “Ok ok.”

I’m surprised that there are people out there who has never heard of ‘peanut butter’ before. I wonder if she actually knows what a cheebye is. If she doesn’t, well then, I wouldn’t mind to point her to look into a mirror – itu lah, cheebye yang paling besar di dunia. Ada mata dan hidung pulak tu.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 5 Comments