March 26, 2008

I almost got my brain damaged…

I was having my tea break with a bunch of colleagues at our workplace cafeteria, when we were joined by this distant workmate of ours. A lady in her late 20’s, with acceptable looks, decent garbs, mild manners and shit, she was considered an alright person by many, including myself… though I don’t really know her well. My acquaintance with her can be best described as ‘the nodding workmate’ – our interactions are limited to nods and smiles on the corridor, and an occasional exchange of feel good ‘hi’.

Anyway, we were about to leave the cafeteria when that lady colleague came along and joined us. Not wanting to be rude, we kinda stayed on, at least until she finished her coffee. Office courtesy, you know… So, we continued with our chats while waiting for her to finish whatever she was having, but about a couple minutes later, I caught something evil from her direction (she was seated right next to me). It was the odor of heavy perspiration. Like a Bangla’s, wasabi strong. I was at the verge of having an uncontrollable fit and was choking for air.

A quick moment of realization – because the smell wasn’t there before, I duly assumed that the source had to be from her. And sure enough, my suspicion was confirmed when she lifted her arms from getting too animated in a conversation, the odor proportionally grew and hit my nose like a train… almost making me keel over. I was like, oh my fucking godddd, and was about neurons of reflex away from abandoning the fucking table… you know, lest I’d get a brain damage or something, but I didn’t. I’m smart enough to know, that pissing someone off is always not a good thing to do. It is little things like this – being discourteous to strangers – that always fuck you in return in the future without you realizing it. It’s an unfair game that we all have to play. In this situation, the best available option for me was to stay, whiff her BO if I must, just so to not break any bridge and avert a possible risk of ruining my career in the future…

So I had no choice but to stay, with a few spontaneous countermeasures to mitigate the peril of being there. First, I soft kicked my chair to inch as far away from her. The bigger the distance between us, the less intense was her armpit odor for me. Second, I tried to hold my coffee mug as close to my nose as possible. You know, the aroma of coffee can mask almost any stench (which is true). Third, I refrained myself from participating in any of the conversation, lest she’d get excited and stayed longer.

And the plan worked. I managed to live through the entire ordeal with minimal effects. The last I checked myself, I still can move the computer mouse with no less dexterity and I didn’t have drool flowing out from the corner of my mouth… what a close call… but I might not be so lucky next time. It’s all for the career and a sad day for a man.

Leave me alone…

(Fuck, I think I’m gonna leave a phantom note on that lady’s desk sometime, to tell her that she should fucking get her stinking armpits amputated… GODDAMNN)

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

22 Comments to “I almost got my brain damaged…”

  1. Dr. Tan says:

    Closer… closer…. Inhale!!!

  2. friend of phantom says:

    my friend did leave a phantom note with deodorant to a guy in my workplace.. and we dont have funny smell from that day onwards.. maybe you can try that =D

  3. sweewon says:

    OMFG! That’s one serious armpit odor..! Does she not realize?! or she finds it pleasant? *gasps in disbelief*

  4. cheehan says:

    Dr. Mist is what she needs…

  5. rachel says:

    i studied in a class next to the boys toilet for a year… and i also felt like the stench was killing my brain cells, one at a time… haha!

  6. michaelooi says:

    drtan – Now everyone knows you have a fetish for armpit odors.

    friend of phantom – It’s a good idea, isn’t it? I’m gonna leave a lot of notes around the office.

    sweewon – I’m not sure if she finds it pleasant but, she’s oblivious about it for sure…

    cheehan – Whatever Dr.Mist is, she needs a fucking deodorant.

    rachel – Well, at least it didn’t come to you on legs.

  7. You know, you use this as an opportunity to show your soft-skills on the leadership department. Intro her to some miracle salt stone thing, and conjure up some old wives’ tale about BO’s and pretend you’re concern. She’ll appreciate it and maybe spread good stuff to the upper levels.

    Deodorants only adds to the smell, i think, doesn’t really mask it or get rid of it…imagine smelling rotten fish combined with florally scent of jasmine. I rather smell durians all day.

  8. Ano says:

    Since you’re supposed to brush up your “soft skills” towards becoming a leader in your company, perhaps the better thing to do would be to buy a bottle of underarm deodorizer and leave it on her desk with a note to use it often before she goes to work.

  9. bongkersz says:

    “Second, I tried to hold my coffee mug as close to my nose as possible. You know, the aroma of coffee can mask almost any stench (which is true)”

    *fell out of my chair laughing*

    hahahahaha! eh dude, you must write her a phantom note!! save her armpit, save the world!!

  10. michaelooi says:

    expedited writer – Well, I can do that, except that I don’t know jack shit about those mineral stones. Besides, she’s not hot enough to warrant that kind of treatment. I don’t give show my soft skills to just anyone you know…

    ano – If I’m leaving her a note, it’ll be something depressing… and it will also have something evil on it (eg. Elliot’s boogers, stray pubic hair from the public urinal, etc)

    bongkersz – You made it sound as if her armpit’s some endangered animals… Good lord No! We save ourselves, not the armpits!

  11. Vingie says:

    OMG!! HAHAHAHAH

    This is so funnny!!

    I hate hate hate hate HATE ketiak smells..

    ewwwww

    *gag gag puke puke*

  12. littleComma says:

    Besides BO, I’m also disgusted with bad breath. To help me live longer, I offer them sweets. :) it works sometimes …

  13. xTr3me says:

    Thank God you survived with your brains intact enough to post. No more lunch sessions with her eh?

  14. The Nurse says:

    Count yourself fortunate. Get use to it and maybe you might learn to love it… happy smelling and perhaps if you smell long enough you just might get turn on… lo……l…..

  15. michaelooi says:

    vingie – So far, I have not met anyone who likes armpit odor, with the exception of those who carries that malodor themselves. (though they didn’t say they like it either)

    littleComma – I know. I’ve met hot girls with halitosis, only to have their entire image literally butchered in split seconds the moment they open their mouth… feeeuuhhhh

    xTr3me – If you read carefully, you would have learned that we’re not close and seldom speak to each other, what more to have lunch in the near future…

    The Nurse – Fortunate? Yeah. Emily is a sweet smelling lady. So, how bad is your beau? Bad enough to wilt a flower or stain a shirt? My thoughts are with you…

  16. jzme says:

    I only like the smell of my own and current partner’s. after it has dried..not when it’s fresh and damp. =P

    Deodorants tend to dry up the armpit and make it itchy then u may catch them stealing scratches..and almost always they will sniff their own fingers after and then continue to top on the keyboard. You’ll hafta sterilize the whole dept!!

    So have u left her the phantom note?

  17. michaelooi says:

    jzme – No I haven’t. Need to wait till this is all forgotten first (you have no idea how many people in Company X reads my blog…)

  18. Pookyma says:

    Dude this is so funny!!

    Someone must leave her a note sooner or later!None of your colleagues sense the odour?

  19. xTr3me says:

    Man, being courteous does have its consequences. Bad smelling ones. Lolz

  20. michaelooi says:

    pookyma – I don’t know. Maybe they’ve been putting up with the smell all the while…

    xTr3me – Yeah. I wish I can just stand up and pour a cup of hot coffee onto her armpit. Eliminates the smell, alleviates my frust.

  21. auyongtc says:

    Dude…. you could’ve gracefully just get up and excuse yourself that you need to go pee and get back to work. Why so susah? Unless there was a good view from where you were ;)

  22. Penny C says:

    maybe someone should leave a bottle of deodorant on her table with an anonymous note… hahaha

The commenting function has been closed.