March 4, 2008

bitter memories : classroom duty incident

People always say, that there are 2 things you cannot avoid in your adult life – tax and advertisements. But for a high school student, it has got to be the ‘classroom duty’. No I’m not referring ‘duty’ as in ‘your duty to fucking finish your high school and not be a yokel’. But ‘classroom duty’ as in, the janitorial work that your kiddy ass exploited to do by your corrupted school board in their bid to save some maintenance cost. You know, sweep the floor, dust the fucking blackboard and stuff? Yep. Back during my time (I am not sure if people are still doing that today), everyone had to take turn to clean up the mess after class – well unless if you’re a cripple or a biological retard.

The classroom duty was always a fun thing for me and my buddies. I’m not implying that we LIKED to do janitorial work, but more like having the propensity to make the most out of each job. We’d give half assed effort for it and spend the rest of the period romping around. You know, like engaging in broom fights… duster fights… duster soccer… duster juggling (there were a thousand and one cool stuff that we could do with a duster, besides dusting the stupid blackboard) and sometimes, illegal activities like swapping defective desks to adjacent classes. Such were our activities, fully utilized to our juvenile amusement.

One day, we overdid it. I overdid it. I don’t quite remember what was the theme and who was there with me that day but, I was having a blast. Towards the end of the duty, right before we were about to wrap up and lock the classroom, I did a final stunt called ‘the basketball chair’ maneuver. The ‘basketball chair’ maneuver, as the name implies, is played like a basketball… except that there is no ball nor basket involved. You use a fucking chair. Here’s how it works – you throw a chair from a distance away towards another chair, so that it lands upright and stacks up on one another. Requires a little bit of skill to pull a stunt like that but, if you can master it, you’d save a lot of work stacking up chairs.

That day, I was pulling a feat that none of my friends had ever done before (well, that’s probably because they’re not as such a dumbass as I was…). I was trying to do the basketball chair thing at the full length of the class. That is – from the front of the classroom, right to the back of it. That’s like the equivalent of a full court shot in a real basketball game. I don’t know what was I thinking but, it seemed like a neat idea back then.

I can still remember, the chair I was holding was one of those ubiquitous old skool rusty steel chair (that always fucking stain our white uniforms). That thing was heavy, about a few kilograms. I lifted it up with little regards, took a careful aim and flung it with all my might. The chair took flight across the classroom, landed about half a foot short of the target and fell sideways, resulting a din of metal crashing against the cement floor, which I reckoned was loud enough to be heard across the building block. On any other normal day, this would had been a really trivial thing to happen. But that day, was not an ‘any other normal day’. It was the day the planets were not in alignment to my chi, and the cosmic energy was incongruent with my spirit, which thoroughly fucked up my chakra. After the explosion of sound, I noticed a white object towering above me from behind… which prompted me to turn back and look up, and saw my 6 feet something school principal – the formidable Brother Casimir Hannon… and that was when I realized that my fate was in jeopardy there…

(to be continued…)

michaelooi  | escapades  | 

14 Comments to “bitter memories : classroom duty incident”

  1. Dr. Tan says:

    And the toilet washing sessions.

    Man we fought to write our names in there!

  2. WristBandMan says:

    lol… i have no idea what type of chairs you guys were using…
    during my time (90s), it was wooden chair.. but towards end of high school it became those cheap plastic chair …

    too much damaged wooden chair expensive le…
    the plastic ones bend also still will go back to original shape

  3. nicholas says:

    i used to do shit like that too…but mine involved, among others, using the blackboard as a target practice n the chairs as projectiles. got busted by the discipline teacher n had to stand on the field for the rest of the period.

  4. MorpheusX says:

    So did you get caned by Brother Casimir or Loh Chee Heng?
    Anyway i remembered we were using that type of chairs because we are a missionary school and the gov didnt give a fuck about us.

  5. michaelooi says:

    dr.tan – Errr, our classroom duties back then never extends out of the classroom ler. So you guys have to fucking wash the toilet now? Geez.

    wristbandman – Well, we have a mix of wooden and metal chairs. But more metal chairs because like you said, the wooden ones break easily.

    nicholas – Ahh, the blackboard. We usually would fling chalks up to the ceiling fan and let the blades hit them towards the black board. Old times (there were a thousand and one fun things we could do with chalks and blackboards too)

    morpheusX – Loh Chee Heng hadn’t joined yet at that time of incident. The discipline guy was Winston Galliston (who was more well known for his hot daughter)

  6. Danielle says:

    You know how weird it is, to be a slave to the teacher’s whims of “clean the blackboard before you leave the class! Make sure the blackboard is clean before I write on it!” etc etc only to go to college and be able to sit back while the lecturer/professor gets his/her hands (and perhaps cuff of sleeves) dirty while erasing the board him/herself? Pure satisfaction I tell you! *due to a “natural” instinct I had in me that was prob cultivated since high school, I had to restrain myself from offering to help for the first few months when I got to college

  7. infinitium says:

    caught by brother cash? dude you were/are so fucked.

    kiss yr license to raid his illegal alcohol stash back @ brother’s quarters gbye.

    RIP, Bro C. May you be whooping Xaverian asses forever more in the happy hunting grounds.

    J

  8. Je5sie says:

    I tried drawing grafiti on the classroom blackboard during class duty and got caught on the spot by my headmistress exactly like what you’ve described. As I turned and saw her face, I ran off. Haha.. And she chased me around for few blocks. Haha.. that was.. =.=”

  9. Arkane says:

    Winston Galliston doesn’t really whack people. Try Samson. Like his namesake, he could pulverize your ass with a few strokes. Of course Brother Casimir would only do the honor of whacking if the offense is a capital one (like assaulting the prefects). Relatively minor crimes are taken care of by his cohorts.

  10. mac says:

    during my time, i used to get caned in the class..maybe because i’m so special..is it? ;)

  11. michaelooi says:

    danielle – Well, I rarely dust the blackboard so, never really had the feeling…

    infinitium – He had a stash of booze inside his quarter? Are you serious dude? Geez

    Je5sie – errrmm girl, we ‘engrave’ graffiti on desks… and was never caught

    Arkane – He does whack people. My ass was graced by his cane before. It was nothing. (never heard of ‘Samson’ btw… what year was he in?)

    mac – I got caned everywhere before, except in front of the school assembly…

  12. Arkane says:

    Mike, Samson was the discipline teacher before Galliston. Think it was sometime in 87-88 period.

    Another famous one is Chua (or Chuah), i forgot. I think he derives pleasure from whacking people coz he always has a sadistic look when wielding the cane.

  13. michaelooi says:

    ahh, that figures. I was in my first secondary year at 1990. It was already Galliston. That guy you mentioned is called Cheah. Stationary eyes, pockmarked face, consummate motherfucking sadist. I’d run him over with my car anytime if I see the opportunity.

  14. art says:

    even I’m a prefect..I’m also get canned during my time..heheheh

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