In my recent work performance review, my boss told me that I am beginning to show some leadership skills, and it will be good for me to keep focus in that direction, to be able to advance to the management level… This is what he actually wrote in my review portfolio:

I see that Michael is turning into a more diplomatic and helpful person. He is encouraged to continue sharpen his soft skills in dealing with people and start to think as a [functional] member/leader to influence the WW team to achieve better results.

Well, I don’t really know why my boss thinks that I have the prospect to be part of the management level exec… because, to be honest here, the only 2 things I would enjoy if I imagine myself being a leader, would be:

a) the glamorous and handsome paycheck that comes with the post,
b) the thrill of yelling at my direct reports arbitrarily, oh that can be so fun.

But then, I guess that’s probably why he said I need to hone my soft skills of dealing with people to perfection first, which I think is loosely translated to – be kind to other people even though they’re assholes, and be more proactive in offering assistance to everyone, even if they don’t need it (just to look good). A little bit more practice is all I need. And I didn’t wait long to start an attempt to hone my skills… and it happened today…

The target was Milkboy, my lab technician, who came into the lab with a dejected look – after learning about the tragic news that he’s going to share a hotel room with the director at an outstation trip for a teambuilding event. So to say, he is fucked.

Now, on any given normal day, I wouldn’t have invested an iota of interest into anything to do with his private affair. But because I was determined to ‘hone my soft skills’, Milkboy’s doom kinda became an opportunity for me to shine. The ways of a leader, always lend a hand… So, I chose to give a fuck, and I gave him some helpful advice:

“Hey Milkboy.”
“Yeah”
“So you’re sharing the room with the director, eh?”
“…”
“You know, in case he touches you at night, remember not to scream, ok?”
“what the…”
“You can cry if you want, but just shed a teardrop or two in absolute silence. This can be a blessing in disguise. Your chance of skipping a few levels of promotion, which you’d definitely gonna need… you know what I mean?”
“!@#$%^&*”
“And I promise not to laugh if I happen to see you the next day running around like Jacky Chan…” [oh I'm sure you guys know how Jacky Chan runs...]

I think I did a great start. Caring for my peers, showing devotion, and helping them to cope with their problems. I think I’m gonna make a good leader, no shit… But I could still use some luck, so, wish me some if you’ve got any to spare…

The Prime Minister reminded his cabinet members not to espouse corruption yesterday.

That had me thinking like, wow, what a great Prime Minister he is. I mean, had he not given the advice [not to be corrupted], mannn those kids at the cabinet probably won’t realize that corruption is a baddd baddd thing to do.

And the Malaysian public gets to see how much of these ‘lost’ kids found their way, having seen them reciprocating gratitudes (aptly titled: ‘PM’s reminder a timely one‘) in the mainstream media today . Here are some excerpts from the article for your reading convenience :

We were reminded not to be arrogant and be pre-occupied with having flashy cars and huge mansions. This reminder gives a deep meaning to new ministers like me who have been given the trust to ensure that government policies and allocations are well spent to benefit the people,” – Entrepreneur and Co-operative Development Minister Datuk Noh Omar

So this Noh guy initially had a plan, until the Prime Minister gives him the mandate that he is to be a good person, not a villain. And thus, his destiny changed. His motto now is ‘Serve the people, serve the people. Quit dicking around, quit dicking around’.

This is the best advice ever given by the Prime Minister – Youth and Sports Minister Datuk Ismail Sabri Yaakob

This advice goes even deeper for Ismail here. He felt that this is the ‘best advice EVARRR’ given by the Prime Minister. EVARRRR – as implicated in the statement, is not to be taken lightly, people. The expression ‘EVARRRR’, can only be used in situations that requires extreme caution, and you’re ill prepared to impress. Hence, this one word drastic solution. Eg of usage: Your wife tries out a new recipe and asks if you like it. Your life hanging in balance and not knowing what to say, you do the ‘EVARRR’ countermeasure – “Honey, this is the best dinner EVARRRR!”

I wonder why the PM didn’t give this advice earlier, you know? So that everything can be avoided in the first place and those numb nuts wouldn’t have siphoned money for themselves and wasted so much oxygen… But then, this Syed guy kinda answered it…

Abdullah had given the same advice before but this time it was most appropriate – Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar

Syed said this time, they will listen because of the setback they had in the recent general election. That means, had they won the election, they would have continued with their ways to be a bunch of corrupted dickheads. Ergo, the big lost they had was a blessing in disguise… and the PM’s advice came timely as an enlightenment. Slow but, still effective. What a revelation.

It’s a national service and we must all be willing to work hard – Rural and Regional Development Minister Tan Sri Muhammad Muhammad Taib

Oh yeah man. He’s trying to tell everyone that being a minister, isn’t about sitting around in the office and surf porn all the time. It’s about ‘willing to work hard’ and serve the nation. He hasn’t been very articulate but, you get the idea. And I myself probably wouldn’t have known that without him telling me. “Being a minister is a national service and is all about working hard” – maannnn, what a classic.

kum bachur atzel ve’tze la’avoda