Archive for March, 2008

March 28, 2008

“Wristcutters: A Love Story” (2007)

Ever wonder what is it like after you kill yourself? You transcend into a strange afterlife world, that uncannily resembles the world you’re living in, complete with apartments, cars, electricity, pubs, beers and even chicks. A special place where all suicide victims congregate. And it is just like our very own world, minus the parents and all the terrible people that made our life miserable. Sounds like a neat plan, isn’t it? Well, it entirely depends on your taste of things – think about the number of fucking emo chicks we’ll have to meet… or the bunch of soggy headed Arabs that have been lured to the place looking for 99 virgins…

That’s some imagination. Of course you fucking die after you kill yourself. Everything will be dark and you will turn into the dirt you are standing on (assuming you’re reading this blog on an unpaved road). But then, having given the capacity to think, it is kinda fun to imagine that afterlife does exist, and we get to romp somemore after checking out, eh?

That is what the movie is all about. A special afterlife world for people who dies out of inflicted causes. The plot is really simple – It is about a guy named Zia finding himself in this strange place after cutting his wrist for a failed relationship. There, he befriends a Russian guy (who got there by electrocuting himself with an electric guitar) and starts to hang out with him a lot. One day, Zia stumbles into an old friend inside a mart, and learns about his ex-girlfriend’s suicide, apparently due to her guilt of causing his death. Thinking that both of them can still get back together, Zia (and his Russian friend) embarks on a journey to search for his girlfriend in that afterlife world… and from there, adventure ensues…

There isn’t much action nor suspense in this flick, really. And no, there isn’t much special effects either. In fact, the ‘effects’ are like those that you see in the monochrome 50’s. Thoroughly fake and unconvincing. Definitely a low budget film.
But still, it is a very pleasant movie to watch. Part the reason lies with its script – humorously deadpan and trivial, which I find very entertaining and amusing. And this goes to show that a flick does not need to have a great deal of special effects to be good. With a decent script and plot, it can still be as entertaining…

This flick’s worth 7 out of 10.

(plot mistake: Zia managed to reverse his suicide in the end, thanks to one of the ‘person in charge’ who got him into a black hole… and he woke up lying next to the girl he fell in love with when he was in afterlife (not his ex). I was thinking, if he didn’t die, then his ex-girlfriend wouldn’t have committed suicide in the first place, which then, he probably wouldn’t have embarked on the journey to look for her and he wouldn’t have met that hitchhiking girl. This doesn’t seem to connect well)

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 4 Comments
March 26, 2008

I almost got my brain damaged…

I was having my tea break with a bunch of colleagues at our workplace cafeteria, when we were joined by this distant workmate of ours. A lady in her late 20’s, with acceptable looks, decent garbs, mild manners and shit, she was considered an alright person by many, including myself… though I don’t really know her well. My acquaintance with her can be best described as ‘the nodding workmate’ – our interactions are limited to nods and smiles on the corridor, and an occasional exchange of feel good ‘hi’.

Anyway, we were about to leave the cafeteria when that lady colleague came along and joined us. Not wanting to be rude, we kinda stayed on, at least until she finished her coffee. Office courtesy, you know… So, we continued with our chats while waiting for her to finish whatever she was having, but about a couple minutes later, I caught something evil from her direction (she was seated right next to me). It was the odor of heavy perspiration. Like a Bangla’s, wasabi strong. I was at the verge of having an uncontrollable fit and was choking for air.

A quick moment of realization – because the smell wasn’t there before, I duly assumed that the source had to be from her. And sure enough, my suspicion was confirmed when she lifted her arms from getting too animated in a conversation, the odor proportionally grew and hit my nose like a train… almost making me keel over. I was like, oh my fucking godddd, and was about neurons of reflex away from abandoning the fucking table… you know, lest I’d get a brain damage or something, but I didn’t. I’m smart enough to know, that pissing someone off is always not a good thing to do. It is little things like this – being discourteous to strangers – that always fuck you in return in the future without you realizing it. It’s an unfair game that we all have to play. In this situation, the best available option for me was to stay, whiff her BO if I must, just so to not break any bridge and avert a possible risk of ruining my career in the future…

So I had no choice but to stay, with a few spontaneous countermeasures to mitigate the peril of being there. First, I soft kicked my chair to inch as far away from her. The bigger the distance between us, the less intense was her armpit odor for me. Second, I tried to hold my coffee mug as close to my nose as possible. You know, the aroma of coffee can mask almost any stench (which is true). Third, I refrained myself from participating in any of the conversation, lest she’d get excited and stayed longer.

And the plan worked. I managed to live through the entire ordeal with minimal effects. The last I checked myself, I still can move the computer mouse with no less dexterity and I didn’t have drool flowing out from the corner of my mouth… what a close call… but I might not be so lucky next time. It’s all for the career and a sad day for a man.

Leave me alone…

(Fuck, I think I’m gonna leave a phantom note on that lady’s desk sometime, to tell her that she should fucking get her stinking armpits amputated… GODDAMNN)

michaelooi  | experiences  | 22 Comments
March 24, 2008

ways of a leader

In my recent work performance review, my boss told me that I am beginning to show some leadership skills, and it will be good for me to keep focus in that direction, to be able to advance to the management level… This is what he actually wrote in my review portfolio:

I see that Michael is turning into a more diplomatic and helpful person. He is encouraged to continue sharpen his soft skills in dealing with people and start to think as a [functional] member/leader to influence the WW team to achieve better results.

Well, I don’t really know why my boss thinks that I have the prospect to be part of the management level exec… because, to be honest here, the only 2 things I would enjoy if I imagine myself being a leader, would be:

a) the glamorous and handsome paycheck that comes with the post,
b) the thrill of yelling at my direct reports arbitrarily, oh that can be so fun.

But then, I guess that’s probably why he said I need to hone my soft skills of dealing with people to perfection first, which I think is loosely translated to – be kind to other people even though they’re assholes, and be more proactive in offering assistance to everyone, even if they don’t need it (just to look good). A little bit more practice is all I need. And I didn’t wait long to start an attempt to hone my skills… and it happened today…

The target was Milkboy, my lab technician, who came into the lab with a dejected look – after learning about the tragic news that he’s going to share a hotel room with the director at an outstation trip for a teambuilding event. So to say, he is fucked.

Now, on any given normal day, I wouldn’t have invested an iota of interest into anything to do with his private affair. But because I was determined to ‘hone my soft skills’, Milkboy’s doom kinda became an opportunity for me to shine. The ways of a leader, always lend a hand… So, I chose to give a fuck, and I gave him some helpful advice:

“Hey Milkboy.”
“So you’re sharing the room with the director, eh?”
“You know, in case he touches you at night, remember not to scream, ok?”
“what the…”
“You can cry if you want, but just shed a teardrop or two in absolute silence. This can be a blessing in disguise. Your chance of skipping a few levels of promotion, which you’d definitely gonna need… you know what I mean?”
“And I promise not to laugh if I happen to see you the next day running around like Jacky Chan…” [oh I’m sure you guys know how Jacky Chan runs…]

I think I did a great start. Caring for my peers, showing devotion, and helping them to cope with their problems. I think I’m gonna make a good leader, no shit… But I could still use some luck, so, wish me some if you’ve got any to spare…

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 4 Comments
March 21, 2008

Bodek: Cultural Learnings of PM’s Advice for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Malaysia

The Prime Minister reminded his cabinet members not to espouse corruption yesterday.

That had me thinking like, wow, what a great Prime Minister he is. I mean, had he not given the advice [not to be corrupted], mannn those kids at the cabinet probably won’t realize that corruption is a baddd baddd thing to do.

And the Malaysian public gets to see how much of these ‘lost’ kids found their way, having seen them reciprocating gratitudes (aptly titled: ‘PM’s reminder a timely one‘) in the mainstream media today . Here are some excerpts from the article for your reading convenience :

We were reminded not to be arrogant and be pre-occupied with having flashy cars and huge mansions. This reminder gives a deep meaning to new ministers like me who have been given the trust to ensure that government policies and allocations are well spent to benefit the people,” – Entrepreneur and Co-operative Development Minister Datuk Noh Omar

So this Noh guy initially had a plan, until the Prime Minister gives him the mandate that he is to be a good person, not a villain. And thus, his destiny changed. His motto now is ‘Serve the people, serve the people. Quit dicking around, quit dicking around’.

This is the best advice ever given by the Prime Minister – Youth and Sports Minister Datuk Ismail Sabri Yaakob

This advice goes even deeper for Ismail here. He felt that this is the ‘best advice EVARRR’ given by the Prime Minister. EVARRRR – as implicated in the statement, is not to be taken lightly, people. The expression ‘EVARRRR’, can only be used in situations that requires extreme caution, and you’re ill prepared to impress. Hence, this one word drastic solution. Eg of usage: Your wife tries out a new recipe and asks if you like it. Your life hanging in balance and not knowing what to say, you do the ‘EVARRR’ countermeasure – “Honey, this is the best dinner EVARRRR!”

I wonder why the PM didn’t give this advice earlier, you know? So that everything can be avoided in the first place and those numb nuts wouldn’t have siphoned money for themselves and wasted so much oxygen… But then, this Syed guy kinda answered it…

Abdullah had given the same advice before but this time it was most appropriate – Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar

Syed said this time, they will listen because of the setback they had in the recent general election. That means, had they won the election, they would have continued with their ways to be a bunch of corrupted dickheads. Ergo, the big lost they had was a blessing in disguise… and the PM’s advice came timely as an enlightenment. Slow but, still effective. What a revelation.

It’s a national service and we must all be willing to work hard – Rural and Regional Development Minister Tan Sri Muhammad Muhammad Taib

Oh yeah man. He’s trying to tell everyone that being a minister, isn’t about sitting around in the office and surf porn all the time. It’s about ‘willing to work hard’ and serve the nation. He hasn’t been very articulate but, you get the idea. And I myself probably wouldn’t have known that without him telling me. “Being a minister is a national service and is all about working hard” – maannnn, what a classic.

kum bachur atzel ve’tze la’avoda

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 15 Comments
March 18, 2008

chocolate sundae

I was at Mac’s to grab a quick lunch and was greeted by this Malay lady…

Lady server: “Hi sir, how may I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, one regular set of spicy chicken mcdeluxe and one chocolate sundae please.”

Lady server: “The Cornetto sundae?”

I wasn’t sure what was she asking.

Me: “What?”

Lady server: “which sundae do you want? the Cornetto sundae?”

It then seemed to me that she didn’t get my order right, so I repeated:

Me: “errm, no. I said chocolate sundae.”

Lady server: “The Cornetto chocolate sundae?”

Me: “No, just the normal chocolate sundae.”

Lady server: “No sir, I mean… are you asking for a Cornetto chocolate sundae? or just the normal chocolate sundae?”

Me: “That’s what I said, right?? The normal chocolate sundae? Is there any other way for me to say it??”

Lady server: “Ok ok I’m sorry sir. I got it.”

Hell, was that so fucking hard to understand?? I really can’t believe how stupid and ignorant some people can be.
If this is all about promoting a new product, I would say that was a real lame way of doing it, and not to mention annoying. I would have yelled at that lady if I wasn’t in my best of mood today…

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 15 Comments