With the advent of high grade digital sensors, wireless technology and high speed internet connection, it is not surprising that more and more people in the 21st century are finding their privacy intruded upon. Just ask yourself, how many sex scandals have you read in the past 5 years? Shitloads of them.
- Famous people getting caught in video fucking the wrong people.
- Chicks having their cellphones stolen to have racy pictures/videos of themselves distributed all over the internet.
You name it.

These scandals, they all have one thing in common – they’re all very unpleasant. They pique unwanted attentions, they give bad publicity and they expose private practices that are just plain fucking embarrassing to the very core. These aren’t the things that are going to help you foster a good in-law relationship or being taken seriously in your workplace. If you’re someone famous, it could even mean the end of your career.

So it is only good if we can discipline ourselves to combat this kind of threat – by adhering to these core rules which I’ve painstakingly compiled with the aid of some professional help

Rule #1: Never make a video or take a picture of yourself having sex with any living creature.
This is common sense – if there’s no video nor picture of yourself taken, then there shouldn’t be anything to be used against you in the first place. Sure enough, sometimes you may want to remind yourself of a particularly gratifying evening you had with someone but trust me, it’s always not worth it. It won’t be that cool anymore if your significant half or your mom finds out about you giving a clam suck or a blowjob. If you want to fuck, fuck safely. Don’t be so stupid to go around creating evidence of your vice co-curricular activities. Just fuck and forget. If you want to remember, you can always call up that tramp/stud and ask for another round.

Rule #2: Secure the perimeter before you pork / getting porked.
You’ll never know if anyone has the malicious intent to sabotage your shit or even a decent intend to throw you a surprise birthday party. Whatever it is, it’s always wise for you to go around checking if there’s any discrepancy or anything odd going on. This is like, making sure you have a valid passport before going for an overseas trip. It’s a basic thing. Just drape up any exposed mirror, cover up any holes, close the curtains, switch off your cellphone and look under the bed. Do whatever you must to feel safe. Always remember, it is better to let people speculate or suspect than to get caught red handed. This is like, a little sacrifice for a much bigger cause and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Rule #3: Always do it with style.
Some things are inevitable and people get to film us anyway. So it is always good if we can consistently deliver the best possible result and maintain our self esteem at the same time. You should trim your pubes and powder your groin everyday. Look the best possible each time you’re planning to have an adventurous evening. Always give the best impression ever. When you plow your partner, do it like you’re attending an audition for a porn lead role. Give it some passion. Make your viewers feel the love, and make them remember you as a motherfucking awesome fucker. With this precaution in practice, in case your porn gets leaked out to the public, at least they get to see you in your best maneuver (to mitigate the embarrassment).

Rule #4: Always keep your shit together.
There are times when we’re careless and stupid, and got ourselves end up as the lead actor in a candid porn video. In situations like this, there is very little you can do other than to keep your shit together (especially if you’re famous). Never ever come out to apologize like it’s a wrong thing. The last thing people remember of you is you having a blast whacking tits / sucking dick without any apparent remorse. So, it’ll only make you look stupid. Never try to win sympathy by being suicidal or speaking out for the victims either. They never work. You’re in the middle of a sex scandal for fuck’s sake, not fighting a cause to save some endangered walruses. Just keep calm, shut the fuck up and hope that the storm will recede itself down over time. If you feel like it, you probably can give a badass comment or two to the press like “it looks and sounds like me, but it’s not 100% me.”

*****

That’s all I can think of right now. If you feel like contributing for the good of the society, by all means, be my guest.

Fuck safe, people.