Archive for November, 2007

November 14, 2007

misunderstood III

If you need more proof that human males are the most misunderstood species on Earth (after sharks), read on…

Emily : “I had a bad dream last night.”

Me : “Oh, so what is it this time?”

Emily : “I dreamt about you making out with MyFuglyBestFriend.”

MyFuglyBestFriend is Emily’s best friend. She basically looks like an amphibian that has just been run over by a truck. I wouldn’t even recommend a dog to make out with her.

Me : “Oh my god! Are you serious??”

Emily : “Gosh it was so terrible. Both of you were kissing and rubbing each other’s nose in front of me… like I was transparent…”

Me : “Uggggghhh! You know I wouldn’t do that. Especially not to her. She’s so fugly for fuck’s sake!”

Emily : “You were like a beast, pervert. So disgusting. Ewwwh!”

The eloquence was emphasized on that particular word ‘beast’. Now that word, made me felt dirty and uneasy…

Me : “Wait a minute… You said we were making out. That means, both of us consented that. If that’s the case, then why was I ‘THE BEAST’, and not her? For all you know, she could be the one forcing herself on me… and I’m just being static…”

Like how people resort to fake possum as a corpse to not aggravate a rampaging bear, you know?

Emily : “That’s because you’re you, that’s why you’re THE BEAST”.

Me : “You’re so biased you know…”

Emily : “Like I care…”

So guys, if you ever get the chance to make out with your wife’s best friend (who is hot enough for you, of course) – by all fucking means, exploit the advantage. You’re bound to get the blame anyway… whether you’re guilty or not.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 7 Comments
November 12, 2007

“28 Weeks Later” (2007)

When I finished this flick, there was only 1 thing in my mind – what have I missed? Man… is this flick awesome or what? In every way, people. It rocked my ass like a hurricane. It has been some time since I’ve enjoyed a horror flick so damn fucking much. Apparently, this movie is the sequel to another popular title – “28 Days Later”. But prior watching this, I have no idea what this movie’s all about. I thought it was just another outbreak film, you know, like a souped up Ebola virus or something like that?

Anyway, it turned out to be quite different and very much more than that. It is about an outbreak alright. Not just any outbreak but, a super badass one. Instead of just die (borrring), the infected person would turn into a deranged + rabid demon that goes around and attack any non-infected person it sees. Those that get bitten or had fluid transfusion (such as the act of kissing would) will get infected as well and will transform into ‘one of them’ in the matter of seconds. And that was how it got the whole Britain swept clean (which was told by the first flick – “28 Days Later” – gotta watch that someday)

“28 Weeks Later” is about the aftermath of the first outbreak – which sees the city of London recovering from its apocalyptic episode. The main plot revolves around the tale of 2 kids – who have been living out of Britain during the outbreak – returning to a tightly guarded quarantine camp in London to rendezvous with their surviving father. The father, having earlier abandoned his wife to save his own ass, concocts a different tale about what happened and tells the kids that their mother was dead. The kids later discover that it is not true, after they sneaked out of the quarantine camp to visit their old home and found out that their mother is not only alive, but she did not turn into ‘one of them’ (but instead, became a carrier), which the authorities later discover is due to her heterochromia trait (a condition where a person has an iris different color from the other) when she is brought back to the camp for treatment.

The father would later go to ask for his surviving wife’s forgiveness… during which, he kisses the bitch and turns into ‘one of them’. From there, the father wreaks havoc from inside and soon, got the whole camp out of control and triggers the military code red that calls for a total extermination of every civilian – infected or not. From there, the few main characters would attempt to protect the 2 kids (one of them who inherited the heterochromia and immune to the virus) and escape from both the infected bloodthirsty demons and military genocide. Adventure ensues.

What I like about this film, is that it has very little bullshit like boring dialogs and such. It was a hit right to the point and was full of gripping action in every minute of it. It was very gory (chopper blades mutilating those demons – you’ve got to see that), very dark and was so realistic that it exuded a coppery feel of blood from the screen. (the part about that dark quarantine attack and subway full of decomposing corpses were superb). In short, this movie is fucking brilliant. If you think flicks like “Silent Hill”, “Dawn of the Dead” or even that comedic “Planet Terror” are good, this one’s going to make them look like a Saturday morning cartoon show. I’d say, if there is a flick which every horror movie should make an example of – it would be this one.

And because I enjoyed it so damn much? I’d give it a 9 out of 10.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 11 Comments
November 7, 2007

did some good

I did some charity today, in conjunction of the Deepavali celebration (or whatever). I posted a sign to warn the public of a certain hazard lurking behind a certain room.

I hope Mojo Jojo won’t get too upset about the sign when he returns to that room after his lunch (he is the only known breathing – though not living – specimen that dwells inside that room).

[UPDATE] Mojo Jojo came right in 5 minutes after I’ve posted this entry. His reaction? = “Kanneh! Is that a dog or a human!?”.

I am so fucking speechless right now.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 7 Comments
November 5, 2007

assburn

I kinda accidentally learned how it felt like to have my anus scorched last Saturday. I know this sounds very kinkish but trust me, it isn’t what you’re thinking at all.

Here’s how it happened – I was applying some *Yoko-yoko on my back while I was watching TV and somehow, pressed on the applicator too hard. As a result of that, the heat generating liquid kinda trickled down into my buttcrack and into The Hole. At first, it was just some breezy cool feeling down there but after a while, it gradually grew into a full scale inferno. And trust me, it was something out of this world (in a wretched way). It burns. A lot. It was like having a running hairdryer (or a burning toaster) stuck up into your ass.

I should have dabbed that shit off with a moist toilet paper or something… but I didn’t. Instead, I scampered into the toilet and scrubbed my ass with plenty of soap vigorously… and THAT, I later learned, was a big mistake. You see, scrubbing it is akin to spreading it to the adjacent areas, and that was exactly what happened next – my entire ass was stinging like it was getting a blowtorch service! And it stayed like that for a whole 20 or so minutes before the effects starting to wear off…

Now who would have thought that a plan for a peaceful afternoon in front of a TV could end up like this? Shit happens. (I wonder what’s gonna happen if we drip a few drops of Yoko-yoko on a cat’s balls or ass? If your neighbor has an obnoxious cat that shits around your garden, you might want to try this…)

*Yoko-yoko – somekind of a liquid pain reliever very popular amongst old farts who suffer constant back pain from stooping and partying around too much. It comes in this small and convenient bottle, which has a slanted sponge applicator shaped like a toilet cleaner (see it here)

michaelooi  | happenings  | 13 Comments
November 1, 2007

exotic names IV

To those of you who have been following my blog since 2004, you should know what this is all about. Exotic names from China. That is, people from China who adopted English names for themselves. Here are the new ones I spotted from one of the directories (the surname was changed to default ‘Liu’ to preserve the anonymity of the individuals.)

Mango Liu –> I’ve seen a lot of these Chinese folks naming themselves after fruits. I wonder why…

Rainking Liu –> I bet this guy’s envisioning himself as one of the anime characters.

Rooter Liu –> It sounded like a cross between a rooster, and a hooker.

Runner Liu –> He makes a good office boy.

Cowit Liu –> A cow from IT department?

Jackal Liu –> Oooooo jackals are badasss.

Dream Liu –> Won’t make a good security guard

Mirinda Liu –> So, we’ve seen Fanta, and now Mirinda. What next? PowerRoot?

Ninja Liu –> An assassin without any disguise.

Simba Liu –> His dad is Mufasa, and his tagline is Hakuna Matata

Mouse Liu –> I wonder if his name was conceived from a real rodent, or that computer pointing device?

Donkey Liu –> Insult him, and he won’t have a choice to get mad “Hey Donkey! Come over here!”

Tree Liu –> He’s a little bit more than just a stump.

Mallet Liu –> Customized insult for him “Hey Mallet, you’re a tool”…

Babble Liu –> Gives the phrase ‘that babbling bitch’ a whole new meaning

Child Liu –> You can’t blame him for anything, coz he’s just a child. Wicked.

Jump Liu –> His brothers are Squat, Crouch and Teabag

Double Liu –> Imagine this “Hi, my name’s Double, and I’m still single”

Six Liu –> He’s probably the sixth kid in the family. You can guess the rest of his siblings’ names.

Jungle Liu –> You’d get malaria by just talking to him.

Flying Liu –> Otherwise known as ‘chasing the dragon’.

Alehandoo Liu –> A friend told me it was an alternate spelling for ‘ada hantu’.

Catbean Liu –> I wonder what’s a cat-bean. Cat’s testicles? Shouldn’t that be called ‘cat nuts’? Or ‘cat balls’?

Euphemia Liu –> Wow, that’s sophisticated man.

Yoyo Liu –> This is a name usually adopted by cats.

Polar Liu –> As long as he’s not bipolar… he should be fit to work.

Iceblue Liu –> You can tell from his name, that he’s trying to be cool.

Auditor Liu –> This is the motherfucker of all bizarre names. Who in their right mind calls himself an auditor?

and some other miscellaneous names that are totally bizarre and sounds so fucking out of place:

Njula, Sicaty, Karolar, Mumu, Setuis, Beank, Slook, Lalasa

Sounds like a bunch of space aliens that are bidding to take over our planet, don’t they? But these are real people who work in my company. As you can probably tell from the current and past lists, these engineers and executives from China know no boundary when it comes to naming themselves. They’d call themselves ANYTHING, just to get things going. And we still have a long way to go to achieve that standard… I have to give it to them man… like, totally.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 12 Comments