Archive for November, 2007

November 28, 2007

Regine approaching 18 months

My soon-to-be 18 months daughter Regine has a nickname now. It was given by the principal of the nursery cum daycare center she is attending.

The Little Samseng.

*’samseng’ is a Malay word, that roughly translates to ‘scoundrel’ in English…

I do not know what had my little girl done at the nursery to be granted such a name but, I guess it must have got something to do with her daddy’s 62% trait…

Right now, I’m still not sure if I should start to get worried, or continue to feel amused by her increasingly bold shenanigans. I’m just enjoying every second of having her around…

Regine a.k.a. Little Samseng – that weights approximately a large sack of rice. Gives good workouts and plenty of muscle aches

Btw, in case you’re wondering, that’s my burly chest behind Little Samseng there. I think this is the first time it has ever been featured on this site. So, appreciate that already.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 23 Comments
November 27, 2007

steven’s fault

My friend Steven forwarded us some YouTube video links about a Hong Kong paranormal investigation tv show covering for an infamous child murder case in Penang. In the show, during the ritual, one of the tv crews somehow got possessed by the child murder victim and we got to see some Linda Blair scene there, which is kinda neat in my opinion.

But for Emily, it was a bit too much for her. Right before she went to bed last night, she summoned me over for some serious talk.

Emily : “Dear, I’m scared. I can’t seem to erase the look of that girl’s face off my mind…”

Me : “Awww there’s nothing to be scared of. You have me and Regine accompanying you here.”

I was trying to assuage her silly fears as usual.

Emily : “No really. I’m very piss scared right now. This is all Steven’s fault! Please dear, yell at him for me if you ever see him… tell him not to forward stuff like this to me ever again.”

Me : “Come on, dear. You know I won’t do that. He just forwarded you the link. You chose to watch it yourself. It wasn’t his fault…

Emily : “…”

Me : “Just relax and sleep, ok?”

Emily : “Alright. But for tonight, I’m going to wake you up when I prepare milk for our baby. You need to watch me, I can’t do it alone. I’m scared.”

Me : “W-What? Are you serious? Man, this Steven… it’s his fault!”

Emily : “And it’s better if you don’t go out with the guys tomorrow. I’m too scared to be alone”

Me : “No shit this is all Steven’s fault! Now I’m pretty damn sure he’s gonna get some scolding from me for all this! Sheesh!”

Girls. They’re timid, and yet, still want to watch the horror shit. And when they can’t handle the aftermath, it is usually us guys that get the troubles. Things I don’t understand.

Now I’m just crossing my fingers that her fears will subside by tonight. Else, my super license is fucked.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 28 Comments
November 26, 2007

“Hairspray” (2007)

If I were to be given the task to describe this flick in 2 words, I’d say ‘blimps’ and ‘crap’. If a sentence, well, ‘it’s a crappy story about a blimp’. Oops, maybe several blimps. There are so many blimps in this flick, that it makes me suspect that the director must have some kind of fetish for lards.

The storyline is set in the 60’s when racial segregation used to be the ‘in’ thing back then. It revolves around the life of a fat teenager called Tracy, who is obsessed with dancing and a dance TV show. One day, she skips class to attend an audition for a replacement for one of the dancers but because of her weight issue, she is mocked and rejected. And because she skipped her class for that audition, she is later sent to detention, and meets some ‘colored’ people who can dance like a parkinson man having a stroke. Being a dance fanatic, she then befriends them in awe of their awesomeness and learns how to dance like them. This attracted the attention of one of the dance show heartthrob, who then gives her a place at the dance show.

The story then continues with more dancing. And singing. And then they dance somemore. And sing somemore. And then some black people get involved. Then they march and picket like the BERSIH rally. And then they dance somemore. (this is like, watching a Bollywood flick times five – dancing and singing overload).

That’s basically it.

I was left unimpressed. That’s probably because I’m not really fond of musicals. I think musicals are fucking boring. This shit in particular, I had to break it up for several sessions to finish it.

And if you’re wondering why am I touching a flick like this in the first place, well, it was because of Travolta and Chris Walken (but more on Travolta). And mannn, Travolta sure reminded me of an alligator in his drag form. Walken, he’s as excellent in his acting as always (in this flick, his dancing reminded me of his debut in Fatboy Slim’s video – that song brings back memories).

Hairspray. Me find very little entertainment value. Me give rating 3 out of 10.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 7 Comments
November 21, 2007

Elliot’s review

Today, my boss Paul sent me an ‘input request’ to rate Elliot’s performance in Company X. It goes like this (some details have been changed to protect my ass from getting prosecuted for publishing this):

I would like to get your feedback on Elliot’s performance for the year of 2007. It will be a few minutes of your time. Your feedback will be incorporated as a development plan for Elliot. Rest assure that your feedback will be kept confidential. Thanks in advance for your input.
1)What has he done well in 2007?
2)What are the areas for improvement in 2007?
3)What is your rating for him in 2007? (1=Excellent, 2=Good, 3=Average, 4=below Average, 5=Poor)

For a moment there, I felt like I was given the divine power to decide Elliot the Idiot’s fate in Company X. This is like, a chance for me to shove shit up that motherfucker’s ass, legally, and let him have it ‘the company’s way’… How cool is that!
But then, after mulling for a while, I decided to be more sympathetic and spared him from the gallows. It’s one of the things I’ve learned from experience. Stabbing a weak retard will only make yourself look bad. So I gave him a rather pleasant review instead… by punching in lies after lies with my dirty keyboard. Told the boss he’s a hardworking fella and gave him an average rating.

But I can’t forgive myself for stopping there, because somehow, I feel that the truth has to be told somewhere. And if by chance of fate, the truth makes its way to the rightful ear, there will be at least a small chance that good will prevail. That’s why I feel compelled to reveal them here… my actual opinion about Elliot’s performance in 2007:

1)What has he done well in 2007?
Other than damaging the multimeter probe, damaging the oscilloscope holder, stealing tools from other engineers (which resulted himself getting cussed with the foulest profanities by various parties), shirking off work to service his crappy car when the boss’ not around, taking 3 times longer than average time to complete a simple job, faking MCs, exhibiting embarrassing and gross table etiquette during departmental dinner, listening to fengtau disco songs in the lab, smearing his own boogers underneath his desk/workbench….. NOPE, this parasitic sleazebag did not do anything at all in the year 2007.

2)What are the areas for improvement in 2007?
All the areas need improvements. But since he’s already at the level where improvement is no longer practical and necessary, I’d suggest to either purge him out of his sorry existence through the paper shredder (for the good of humanity), or you can send him away to collect used sanitary pads in female restrooms and roadkills around the industrial roads surrounding Company X, away from working with us abled people – just for the effort of siphoning some miniscule scale benefit off him as tax for breathing our oxygen all these years.

What is your rating for him in 2007? (1=Excellent, 2=Good, 3=Average, 4=below Average, 5=Poor)
‘5’ would be a rating too benevolent for a wretched vermin like Elliot. Allow me to suggest 500. Extremely shit fucking poor. People like him should just die (above everything else that have been suggested above).

There, the truth told.

People, spare me a wish this Christmas. Please help to make a wish to Santa to take away Elliot from this planet. Drop him at the moon or the sun, just away from us.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 8 Comments
November 20, 2007

the S word

I was driving Regine home from the daycare center with Emily. Some asshole suddenly cleared into my lane without an indicator and I reflexed,

“SHITTTTTT lah this guy!!!!!!! @#$%^&*”

And then I moved on… as though nothing had happened.

A little while later, I overheard Regine exclaim from the backseat,

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT”, like she was singing along merrily to a kiddy rap song.

Emily had to shush her up for good and chided me for being such an ass to say things like that in front of my kid. Mea culpa, I didn’t talk back.

I can’t help but think about how true it is when people say you learn bad things faster than the good. It’s always easier to pick up profanities and cusses than any proper vocab. That’s because the nature of human is always evil… that’s probably why we need religion and decorums to hold our shit together (there, I said it again).

Just look at Regine. It literally took her days to learn how to say “Hi”, “See you” and “Goodnight”… but it only took her a fraction of a second to pick up that “S” word.

For a moment there, I really felt like an ass.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 12 Comments