October 30, 2007

the muffin guy

We’re at this hypermart and Emily wanted to buy some muffins from a deli stall. Regine was making a hell lot of a fuss wanting me to carry her, so I was given the task to safeguard the princess while the queen went ahead to buy some muffins.

I was kinda like standing at a distance away with Regine, and I just happened to catch a glimpse on the guy who was running the muffin stall. A somewhat rotund short guy, with an unshaven face. His dorkish face reminded me of someone I probably knew… but I wasn’t quite sure. I didn’t give much thought about it then, until Emily returned and said

“Hey, you saw that muffin guy? Does he look familiar to you?”

“He sure does. I think he’s one of the neighborhood kids from that old apartment block we used to rent many years ago…”

“Yeah! He’s my student, wasn’t he? He’s so grown up now! I wasn’t sure at first and now you confirmed it!”

Indeed, he was Emily’s student. You see, Emily used to run a small scale tuition service for the extra bucks many years ago (when we’re young and times were difficult), and this muffin guy was one of them…

It was circa 1999, and muffin guy was just 10 years old. A lazy tike he was. He’d come to our apartment once a week to brush up his Maths, English and BeeEm with Emily for a little fee, but he’d waste his time refusing to learn but would toy around with his stationery instead. Emily was having a hard time teaching him. She complained to muffin guy’s mom (whom I remember to be an overdressed lardass with excessive makeup as if she’s auditioning for a scary clown role in a horror film), but the mom would not do anything but to encourage Emily to ‘whack the shit out of him’ if he’s being difficult.

Emily of course couldn’t get herself to do that, because she simply wasn’t badass enough. She tried to smack the kid’s hand with a wooden ruler, but apparently, it wasn’t hard enough to discipline him. Little muffin guy would scoff at her and went about with his annoying ways. It wasn’t too much of a problem for me though, because I couldn’t care any less if that kid decides to destroy his own future or kill himself… I just wanted to play my games (I was having the hots for Dungeon Keeper 2 back then, I think). But Emily would persistently complain to me about him, that it kinda disrupted my gaming sessions and affected my life. That was when I decided to take action, you know, to let the kid know the hard way on how to have some respect for his tuition fucking teacher – once and for all.

I don’t quite remember how I yelled at him, but I remember giving him the motherfuckest whack he ever had in his kidhood, on his knuckle with a ruler’s edge. He looked like he had been shot with a gun, was about to let out a loud squeal…but he was so piss-scared of me that he only let out a muffled bleat while complying with Emily’s request to hold his pencil right and be a good kid like what Uncle Michael (her ultimate badass discipline consultant and enforcer) had decreed him to be…

He never gave Emily anymore problems after that day and I was able to continue my games without any unnecessary disruption.

I was thinking, that delinquent fatass, had he not gotten that life altering whack from me, would he still be a muffin seller? Probably not. Maybe jobless, or maybe even a jobless Chinese Mat Rempit… who knows. I might have done him a favor, and he probably doesn’t even know it. Despite being able to recognize us, muffin guy would just pick his muffins like it was just another day in his mundane life… No thank you’s, not even a greet. So much for teaching a stranger to be a refined person… that ungrateful little prick.

“Dear, you should have ordered 8 muffins and see if he knows how to work the math. Just so you know, he needs another whack…”

And I would have whacked even harder.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

13 Comments to “the muffin guy”

  1. Dr. Tan says:

    Ten years ago you were called Uncle Mike and today you tell me that you’re young.

  2. Omake says:

    Dungeon Keeper 2..Now that’s an awesome game… Too bad there’s no DK3…

  3. gregenz says:

    it’s sad..really. but what to do..? i would say its definitely the parents are at fault..while i know its important for her on the audition..hehe, but its still not an excuse to put all the responsibilities towards anyone else..teacher or not.

  4. hillabilly says:

    Wow, tributes to you man. I wouldn’t care to remember any delinquents. LOL.

  5. moo_t says:

    Good grief. Without the “correction”, he might end up as a politikus that haunted us all now.

  6. mott says:

    “disrupted my gaming sessions and affected my life”…wakakakakakaaka!

    if only muffin guy knew…..!!!

  7. ShaolinTiger says:

    You did him a favour dude, he should give you free muffins for life.

  8. myles says:

    I used to work as a tutor during my term breaks in colleges so I had a lot of similar experience. damn. Kids are evil, we need to use tranquilizer and whip!

  9. MT says:

    Hahahaha!!! DK2! AWESOME game! I still play it every now and then. It was one of the best RTS games ever!

  10. michaelooi says:

    Dr.Tan – If you’re smart enough, you would have figured out that that title ‘Uncle’ doesn’t necessary tie to just the age factor…

    Omake – Yeah man, it was an awesome game…

    gregenz – I’d blame a large part of it on the parents. No shit.

    hillabilly – Why ‘tributes’ to me lar… I’m not THAT old yet… and very much alive right now…

    moo_t – So, you’re actually saying those politikus that you’re seeing on TV now lack of some badass Uncle Michael whack? (I can do that…)

    mott – Shhhhhhh !

    Shaolintiger – No shit dude.

    myles – With so many youngsters embracing the dark side of Mat Rempitism? I think we fucking need a stun gun…

    MT – Yeah, one of the best. But for me, the best is still ‘UFO Defense’ by MicroProse.

  11. Dr. Tan says:

    If you remember, you told me “I’m not that old” when I called you ‘uncle’.


  12. michaelooi says:

    drtan – You still don’t get it, do you? Read my last sentence again. Cogitate hard dude. If you still can’t figure it out, you may need to wait a few more years and try again.

  13. bongkersz says:

    i love Dungeon Keeper 2 man! hmm.. hard to be a teacher nowadays heh? back then you still can wallop him using the ruler. try it now.. hehe

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