October 22, 2007

poker faced cat lover

I always make full use of my brain when I walk. I think a lot. Work stuff, you know, like how the hell could that distant transient fuck a MOSFET on a separate circuit, was that a C or D cup on that chick’s rack, etc. It’s the nature of my job – to think a lot.

As a result of that, I can sometimes paint a false impression of a poker face to the public. It scares people sometimes, which is kind of cool… but occasionally, the effect can be dire, like how it piqued one of the shapeshifter security guards’ attention at Company X one fine day.

[The guard was doing a metal detector scan on my body…]

Shapeshifter guard : “Eh Michael, kenapa you selalu tak senyum? Senyum ler
(translation: “Eh Michael, why are you always so gloomy. You should smile more.”)

It wasn’t said in jest, but in a way that made me feel like extremely uncomfortable. It was as if, she was trying to hit on me. More like a flirt or something. I shudder at the very thought of it.

She was like what, 45? 50? And her size was like an aged walrus with eating disorder. I can hear snores when she breathes. Why the hell would a creature of that wretched stature hit on me man? What kind of injustice was that?

Feeling repulsed, I concocted a stale and uninteresting reply to get out of the situation, delivered in a cold way

Me : “Saya tak senyum kerana gaji saya rendah, kerja saya banyak dan kucing saya mati semalam
(translation: “I didn’t smile a lot because I am underpaid, overworked and my cat croaked last night”)

She didn’t say another word after that.

Looks like a mid-life crisis beckoning, but I’m not giving in. I’d mope a few more days and I’d be alright again…

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 

4 Comments to “poker faced cat lover”

  1. Dr. Tan says:

    Hmm. I was told that I am abit too serious.

    I’m quite polarised actually. Never really a mix of seriousness and joy.

  2. Arkane says:

    Maybe that was her best attempt at a pick up line. Give her some credit lah.

  3. lenalee says:

    u’re funny man – cool blog, cute baby! keep up the ‘good’ work :)

  4. Elaine says:

    OMG talk about being perasan – she was only wondering why you don’t smile often, that doesn’t mean she wants to hit on you. Sigh, guys…no wonder they get the wrong ideas all the time.

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