Emily and I always like to ask Regine heaploads of dumb questions (now that she’s beginning to understand the language)… you know, something like -

“Where’s your nose?”
“Where’s your backside?”

… you get the idea.

Each time she was asked with those questions, she’ll never fail to point to the right part on herself in her own cute way - which then, we’ll zealously laugh like we’ve never seen anything like that before… (first time parents, forgive us)

I was exactly doing that yesterday after her bath, complimenting that little tummy of her’s like I always do…

Daddy : “Whose tummy is big big?”

Normally, she’ll just look at her own tummy and smack at it to make us laugh. But she didn’t do that yesterday. Instead, she looked at me square in the eyes and then schlepped towards where I was. She then crouched down, lifted up my T-shirt with her little hand and patted MY TUMMY repeatedly with the other.

I was like, totally dumbfucked with what she just did… and just as I was about to correct her on her obviously big mistake, she stood up and flashed me this devious smile… almost as if she was telling me “I pwn-ed you daddy, muahahahh!!”

There goes her 1 week pocket money… deducted in advance. That was clearly a hit below the belt by a 1 year old. We’ll see how she fares when I ask her about electronics next time…

Source

Lorry driver in remand for raping friend’s mother

By R. SURENDRAN

SUNGAI PETANI: A 30-year-old lorry driver has been arrested for allegedly raping his friend’s mother who is more than twice his age.

The suspect was picked up at Gurun town on Tuesday, two days after he allegedly raped the 69-year-old dish washer in the jungle at Batu 4 in Gurun, near here.

Police on Wednesday obtained a seven-day remand order from the Sungai Petani magistrate’s court to detain him until next Tuesday to facilitate investigations.

Kuala Muda district deputy police chief Supt Ong Aik Chang said the suspect had gone to the victim’s house in a village in Gurun on Sunday night to look for her son who was not at home.

He said the victim then asked the suspect for a lift on his motorcycle to look for her son but he took her to a jungle instead where he allegedly raped her.

WHAT THE FUCKKKK??

That poor old lady should have known, never trust a lorry driver.

*****

Source

Doctor’s unusual treatment

KLANG: Police are looking for a doctor who allegedly performed oral sex on a 14-year-old boy who sought treatment at a clinic in Kapar on Tuesday.

The doctor was said to have told the boy to unbutton his pants and close his eyes after applying ointment to his cuts on both elbows following a fall.

Klang OCPD Asst Comm Mohd Rodwan Mohd Yusof said that at one point, the schoolboy “felt uncomfortable” and opened his eyes to see the locum doctor performing fellatio on him.

“The boy was terrified and ran out of the clinic to his mother who was waiting outside. On reaching home, the boy related the incident to his mother who lodged a police report,” he said.

“Our investigating officer tried to track down the doctor who is in his 30s but we have been told that he is holidaying in Indonesia. We are checking with the Immigration Department to find out his whereabouts,” said ACP Rodwan.

WHAT THE FUCKKKK?? x3

The Company X management sent out a memo to all employees yesterday, that we’re all required to take an online compliance course - which is about some Personal Data and Privacy protection kind of thing - as soon as possible, or else face a constant badgering from that fat conniving HR bitch with a head full of pubic-like frilly hair… Knowing very well that the consequence of forgetting to do that online course can be more dire than a painful cancerous death, I immediately got it done as of yesterday.

So what was the whole thing all about? I can summarize it into only 3 sentences:

1) If thou saw anything oddly fascinating or intriguing about the company clients or employees, do not ’see’ any further.
2) If thou felt obliged to further examine or ’see’ that oddly fascinating or intriguing info, then make sure you don’t tell anybody about it after that.
3) If thou REALLY HAVE to tell anyone about that piece of oddly fascinating or intriguing info ANYWAY, then make sure that person you share with complies these same 3 rules.

Alright, it’s more or less interpreted that way. Whatever.

So, the whole thing’s about respecting individual rights. You know, keeping secrets and all that. But more often than not, I see these getting violated like a cheap whore on a broad daylight. That’s why we have telemarketers calling you and me and everybody every fucking now and then. So what good is having one firm respecting privacy and another violating it? What privacy? What personal information?

It’s virtually impossible to control information from circulating the planet nowadays. A good classic scenario would be - getting caught wanking inside your unlocked room, by your mom. Ask yourself, can you actually convince your mom to not tell anyone about it? Yeah, maybe she’d promise not to tell anyone etc bla bla bla - but eventually, the whole neighborhood will be sharing that very same secret (it actually happened to my cousin Kelv before… poor guy). It’s like going against the intrinsic human instinct of wanting to get nosy about anything.

“Oh man did you know her tits are fake etc etc? *gossip gossip gossip*”

I have been made to go through the same test before. A colleague once accidentally saw one of our fat hag manager’s (an ex employee now…) payslip on the printer tray, and told me about it. She was paid RM 8,900 something per month. I went like, “WHAT THE FUCK??? SHE GETS THAT FOR READING EMAILS AND IMPERSONATING A BITCH???” - I told everyone her wage the next day. Everyone fucking hated her from that day on. Why did I do it? Because I can’t help it. It was as if, I’d fucking bust my balls if I keep the information about her any longer. I’m sure most of you people know what I’m talking about.

That’s why I quoted - “violated like a cheap fucking whore”. Everyone knows about everything, they just don’t talk about it. The best way of safeguarding your personal data - starts with yourself. Don’t tell anyone about your fake tits. Don’t tell anyone about your illegitimate affair with that skank from Sales. Don’t fill in your real particulars in a contest just to trade that slim chance of winning a shitty vacation to bumfuck. Just don’t tell anyone, anything… Be a fucking hermit or whatever. If you can’t do all that, then I guess you’ll just have to be content about everything that the technology can do to your reputation.

Clicking pages after pages of that online training, was just another facade of sucking up to the management to NOT GET a bad review for the fiscal year. Yes that’s what we corporate drones always do, bluffing each other to get real.

Makes me feel like a dirty slut everytime I do that.