How I wish we humans are able to communicate through telepathic means. Like, through the language barrier and shit, we can just be within a coverage range of each other’s brain signals, and send the message away (pretty much like how wireless works… only biologically). If such were to be the case, then life probably would be so much less stressful for me and Emily – since our baby Regine can just beam us up whenever she wants something instead of bawling out in the middle of the night (there’s only so much we can interpret from the loud bawl of a baby). Just like this…
[telepathic message]
“Daddy? Are you awake?”
“I am now. What do you want?”
“Milk. I’m hungry daddy.”
“At this hour? You should be sleeping, girl.”
“I repeat, I want milk, else I’m going to start bawling.”
“Alright, alright, relax. How many bottles do you want, criminal?”
“What do you mean how many bottles? I just want one fucking shot! Do it already, old man!”
[walks to kitchen, prepares milk and returns with milk]
“Here’s your one fucking shot. Now suck fast and sleep already!”
The whole thing may sound like a complex conversation, but in reality, you’d only see the poor father walking to the kitchen to get the milk (probably with a distressed look on his face, but at least he knows what he has to do). It’ll probably last a little less than half a minute.
But of course, that isn’t happening anywhere in this world at all. If there’s one thing that our evolution failed us, that has got to be our way of communicating with each other. As fucking intelligent or advanced we humans can ever get, there’s still one simple thing we can’t do – to communicate with our offspring, until he or she knows how to listen/speak of course, which I think, is fucking pathetic.
Just look at the animals. They don’t seem to have that kind of problem. Their offspring don’t just simply cry or wail incessantly sending their parents panic attack. Take for example, the wildebeest. Just how do you reckon that a baby wildebeest knows that hyenas are evil and knows when to fucking run for their lives when they’re being attacked? Do they ever attend preschools or watch Barney to learn that? Fuck no. They just know it. Like they have somekind of telepathic shit going on there. And that probably explains why they know it when disasters are bound to struck
“Guys there’s a big fucking tsunami heading this way! Run for your lives! Don’t tell the humans!”
But then, that’s probably a power too big to ask for. I just want to have the ability to interpret what Regine wants. Regine had diarrhea for the whole last week and both Emily and I went through hell of not knowing what she wanted when she was screaming for attention. We gave her everything, but none of them seemed to be what she wanted. And those were the times when I really wished that I have this special ability to communicate with my daughter – things would be so much easier for both of us.
(come think of it, even if we were to be given that ability, it probably might not be of much use after Regine reaches her puberty. She’d be too engrossed with her dipshit teenage friends by then, than wanting her old man/woman to understand her better…)
I think evolution (or the advances in human lives) has changed us. If we were still living like apes out in the jungle then I’m pretty sure we would have a natural instinct for disaster. Since we’re all surrounded by comfort, I think it’s safe to say that we have let our guards down for good.
I’m sure you can’t wait for Regine to grow past this ‘parents’ patience-testing’ stage…but then at you have other things to worry about at the other stages…it just never ends….
Imagine someday when the telcos figure out a way to cash in on this concept. “Come get your mental telepathy SMS package plan. Only 1 cts per SMS flat rate.”
Hey Michael,
You can actually communicate with your 8-24 month old baby before they start speaking. Teach them sign language. Yeah, that thing which deaf and mute people use. But you dont need to know all the signs, just the important ones which you baby needs to know, like “milk”, “water”, “food”, “mama”, “papa” and “more”. Then you can go on to more entertaining stuff like animals and objects.
Ive actually tried out this experiment on my kid; he was 9 months when we started, and he started signing back at about 10 mnths. Several months of painless communication and a whole load of “bonding” instead of unnecessary screaming. Also great entertainment and pride value.
Get the DVD from Amazon, for your own good.
http://www.amazon.com/SIGN-your-BABY-Complete-Learning/dp/1932354018
BTW, my kid is now 2.5 yrs, and is speaking quite well already. When I try some signs on him, he looks at me funny and doesnt remember any of it. Real wierd.
yk
danielle – Ironically, if we were to be in our ape form, we probably wouldn’t give a lot of shit about disasters… since we’ve got nothing to lose. Strange world…
junkgirl – Yeah, having a kid is like serving a life-sentence…
arkane – You know what? I reckon that in the near future, we all are going to have cellphones that are able get ‘online’ all the time. Just like our IM. We’ll be able to see who’s on, and who’s off… in one flat rate. In another words, it’s like holding an IM in our palms, just need to select your buddy and you can either talk/message him instantly. You heard it from me first…
yoonkit – Thanks for the recommendation. Actually, my Regine can already talk now. It’s just that, she’s kinda nasty when she’s feeling unwell… those are the times when she severes all communications to the outside world (yeah, like North Korea) and start bawling…
from my personal experience, babies usually want to be near their main caregiver when they’re in pain/distress…the person who spend like almost 24hrs around them. i thought ur mom was the one who take care of regine during the day?
Actually, I don’t think N.K severed all comm…it’s all American Propaganda. Oh well…..I’d normally ignore them if they want milk in the middle of the night. And I’m supposed to be their mother. HAH!
sooi2 – Nope. We send Regine to daycare during the day, and we jointly take care of her during the night (but she’s kinda especially close to Emily)
mott – Yeah whatever, I still don’t like North Korea because of Kim Jong Il’s ultra tragic hairstyle…
“Now suck fast and sleep already!”
I hope she doesn’t say that to her boyfriend in the future (and vice versa)…