I’ve noticed that a lot of people have disdained the way I write, about how I was always right in my daily encounter with general public. It was as if, the whole fucking world looks inferior to me, and I lone ride a badass horse down the town shooting people with my righteous gun. (that was never trueee)
So for this post, I’m gonna try to change that perception – you know, instead of making myself sound like a martyr, I’m going to make it sound like I’m the villain.
Ok, the whole thing actually started last week. I was being a bad parent and was sending Regine to the nursery, as usual. You know, I got to fucking work and stuff, so it has been a bad habit of mine to abandon my child into the hands of a couple of self-proclaimed professionals who have 20 over years experience in handling kids (bah, who gives a fuck about that? I just want to jettison my responsibility somewhere…)
So I was speeding like a shitfuck along this residential street doing approximately neckbreaking 30 km/h. Emily was at the back seat abusing Regine by reading her boring storybooks. I was about to reach the nursery, when I saw this nice newspaper vendor riding his motorcycle in a zigzag manner towards my direction from the front. Apparently, he was riding like that not because he had a pile infection out of his bunghole, but because was trying to make a living by flinging A LOT of newspapers to his subscribers. (picture this: he kinda had to ride really close to the gate, fling a roll of newspaper and ride to the opposite side of the street and do the same, and then repeat from the opposite side).
He was doing that at a rather innocent speed, like, 50 – 60 km/h. Real slow yeah. So I kinda drove on, you know, had to cut my speed a bit lest he ends up wrecking my car and waste my NCB… and so I thought he’d be smart enough to stop whatever he was doing and fucking let me pass. He did that alright, stopped by a curb and looking at me. But it wasn’t any ordinary look that he was giving me. It was a hostile look, his eyeballs was at the verge of popping out, like he was passing judgment on me for being the person responsible for the spate of rape cases in town. Whatever.
Then just as I was driving past him, he suddenly hurled something in Hokkien dialect at my car – “SIAO LANG!!!” (which roughly translates to “CRAZY MAN!!!”). Oh boy, was I crazy…
him – riding a modified bike (for storage) zigzaging across a 2 way traffic, in 50 – 60km/h, with one hand handling the bike, and the other flinging newspapers, without wearing a helmet, swearing in front of my kid.
me – driving a black shining automatic car with airbag and ABS, straight, on the correct lane, under 40km/h, looking smart because I have enough education to not look like a street urchin like him (despite being approximately twice my age),
Hell yeah, I’m crazy alright (maybe I landed on the wrong planet). No doubt about that. I could have fucking killed him had I been sane enough, but that didn’t happen because I’m fucking crazy and I chose to ignore him. Like, WEEEEOOEEEEOEEEOOOOO.
But I did myself proud yesterday. I bumped into Mr.Nice-Newspaper-Vendor again. I was standing at the curb this time (after dropping off Regine). He was doing his routine bike slalom at the neighborhood and I had a moment to decide if I want to reciprocate his kindness the other day. I was thinking of brushing him down on the tarmac from the side and then fucking burn all his newspapers – it would be so cool (and I don’t have to worry about getting into trouble since I’m fucking crazy and I can do anything I like). But then, the plan was scrapped because it was a rather wet morning and I don’t have a lighter in handy (I don’t smoke).
So, I finally decided to do things his way, like a sane normal person would – I yelled back at him in Hokkien, “SIAO LANG!!!” – from behind, which startled him enough to almost cause him to crash into a nearby gate. It felt so fucking good to see him react like that.
It’s cool to be ‘not crazy’ sometimes.
[back to work...]
michael, I think you need a break from your normal daily. Take a holiday or start a hobby. Seriously!
Some people have the idea that just becoz they make a living on their vehicles (e.g., bus drivers, taxi drivers, van drivers, lorry drivers, newspaper vendors) they are entitled to the whole road and you are expected to move out of their ways. If you fail to do that, you are an inconsiderate b*stard / maniac.
it’s a norm for motorcyclists to show aggression towards the bigger vehicles, because they’re smaller, it’s a self defense mechanism maybe. makes me laugh sometimes, when a motorcyclist passes by my car , glaring at me without me doing anything wrong. kononnya ganas sangat la tu. cheh.
SIAO LANG! you are behind times leh… rather than spate of rape cases… now they target children…
don’t act hostile like that la… at least not while exposing your family and routine destination… didn’t you have that loud horn on your car?
Agreed with WristBandMan. Gotta be careful whenever you drive your family around. They remember faces.
Man, just run him down with your car! He fucking deserves it, and flip him the birdy, just in case he survives… and exclaimed “What?! Lu ha boi si?!!” No point being kind to him… waste of oxygen, space and time…
no worries guys, I know what I’m doing. I pick my opponents well… and I don’t do it in front of my kid (I was alone that time). Besides, that motherfucker has been delivering news-fucking-paper for many years in the neighborhood. It’s easier for me to cream his ass than him creaming mine. See?
Dude… you should’ve done him one better by shouting “siao cheebye” instead. :p
I find your switch in style hilarious but wish you’d turn down the arrogance a notch or two, if possible (esp the bit about having enough education not to look like a street urchin!).
auyong – For one, he’s a male. He definitely don’t have a cheebye (though his face definitely looks like one). For two, the term cheebye is rather, coarse. Not suitable for a refined person like me… *cough
kittycat – I’m the villain, remember? Aren’t villains supposed to be arrogant and stuff? (it takes some time to adjust to that style bebeh)
You know what maybe he had vision problems and estimated the distance between your car and him to be closer than real life.
In other words he thought you almost fucking killed him.
Like you said he was twice your age. Vision problems are common.
And in the end, you really did almost fucking killed him.
Do you realize how easy it is to imbalance yourself while riding a motorbike when you are suddenly suprised ? And this guy was even delivering newspapers.
Imagine one situation where he actually fell down, hurt himself, and lost his job. Then he died of depression, thinking how cruel the world has been to him.
Imagine.
I think it’s time for a 62% good post to atone yourself, you bastard.
Just kidding you know I love you.
Sometimes I can’t control the evil side of me. :(
nicevil – That’s really lame dude. Especially the second post – you sounded so fucking gay. (please don’t do that again, pretty please)
GAY means HAPPY…
I sounded so fucking happyyy :DDDD yay me !!
You gotta be more gay, dude.
nicevil – A commendable effort to redeem yourself buddy, but no, the gay I meant was the ‘fuck another guy’s backside’ kind of gay. (@ faggot, homosexual, etc). Yay you indeed.