August 27, 2007

celebrity hate list

I’m sure you guys have your fair share of celebrities to hate. Famous people whom you think deserves anything except being famous and rich. I have mine too.

Il Divo
I don’t know if it’s just me but, I think these 4 beefcakes are just atrocious. They bring about so much gay-ness in them, that it makes me think that this isn’t all about singing. In my arrogant opinion, I think it’s about being homos and being able to openly show off how energetic they are (a de facto testament to their ass humping prowess) when they belt out their gay version of recycled ballads. I never fail to cringe in horror whenever I hear these fags butchering songs after songs on the radio.

Gwen Stefani
I don’t have so much of a problem with her music, though it is still quite awful to my taste. The problem’s with her grotesque sense of fashion. Touted as the “harajuku” ambassador of the West… I often find her image puke inducing. Striped underwear over the head… polka dotted stocking stuffed inside her ass… perforated piece of cooter from excessive silverware piercing… you know, that kind of shit. Like, how could anyone sanction that kind of garb out in public? You people disgusts me.

Prince
If it wasn’t for Michael Jackson, I would have named this freak as the creepiest androgynous weirdo of all time. He’s now the runner up. I mean, look at him. He can’t sing. He can’t dance. And worst of all, he looks like some drag queen on crack selling backside in a dark seedy alley somewhere. How can a drag queen poser be that successful, smoking weed and porking models, while talented people like you and me sit around toiling behind some fat ass yelling at you to get your job done (and stop blogging)? This ain’t making any sense at all man. This guy, he deserves no fame just for looking like that. He deserves to have a steel fire stoker shove up his ass, with the protruding end hooked to a rotational coconut grinder shaft.

Akon
The guy whose songs are currently being played inside every fucking yuppy’s mp3 player, posh pubs and gaudy ah lian fengtau disco outlets. The only 2 talents that I see in this guy, are
1) he has the look to be able to star in our local “Orang Minyak” film, as “Orang Minyak”, without any need of special effects or make-up.
2) he has the required yelling and high pitched flair to peddle mobile ‘Yong Tou Foo’ around in low cost apartments. People will notice his presence with little effort with that kind of voice. “YO, there comes Akon. STUFFED CHILLI WITH PLENTY OF GARLIC NO PARSLEY!”
He’s famous probably because Gwen Stefani gave him a polka dotted fellatio. Otherwise, he’d surely make a good Yong Tou Foo peddler.

Jay Chou
What more can be said of this creature? Nevermind about his I-think-I’m-cool-yeah attitude. Nevermind about his scrawny physique. Nevermind about his disheveled hairstyle (which seems to be ubiquitous amongst shylocks, DVD sellers, hairstylists, junkies, thugs and illiterates). He’s the epitome of all ugly people turned successful. He’s the living proof that one can still have shitloads of luck to achieve your seemingly impossible goals despite being born with a chicken ass voice and naturally looking like a complete dork. He’s “the one” that made it. He gives hopeless people hope. What more can I say… the dark prince of all schmucks and the idol of all out-of-control teenagers…

—–

That was therapeutic. It has been some time since I did this. I was thinking – while being very busy at work last week – if my seemingly trivial daily work routine has consumed my soul… that I do not even have the time to have feelings anymore? (since Rob’s departure). That’s when I pledged to do this… you know, hopefully, it’ll wake me up from this nightmare and realize that there are more important stuff for me to give a shit about other than that trivial paycheck (though at hard times like this, it doesn’t feel that trivial to me, yet).

michaelooi  | characters  | 

15 Comments to “celebrity hate list”

  1. girlie says:

    aiyo, our Malaysian celebs even worst lah… those that emerged as overnight pop stars from Akademy Fantasia; no talent whatsoever! It’s purgatory to watch them perform their imaginary or self professed showmanship. Sampah-riah.

  2. Ting Tit Lei says:

    il divo – for jobless housewives who dont get enough attention from their husband

  3. michaelooi says:

    girlie – Well, as wretched as many think they are, at least they have something they fondly refer as ‘talent’ – unlike most of our local politicians and Mat Rempits which have absolutely zilch…

    tit – Come think of it, they kinda look like male strippers as well, you know, those pics that we often receive in forwarded emails – where we see hordes of horny housewives with weight problems flocking over the stripper guy to have their fair share of dick sucking…

  4. Dr. Tan says:

    Another angsty mike post.

    Yay.

    At least there’s somewhere to read and feel the anger flowing out wtf.

  5. robin says:

    I am surprised you didnt say anything about siti nurhaliza.. I thought u would, ahahahaha…

  6. anas says:

    malaysian artists are not celebrity enough to be in his list la…hahaha

  7. Denn says:

    Well.. As u said.. Everyone has their celebrity hate list. Although i strongly disagree in how u describe everyone above, but it is your right to hate whoever you want. Just hope one day u’ll change ur mind about them.

  8. SPF 88 says:

    I think Gwen is super cool when she was with No Doubt. And I actually like a few of Prince’s songs though most of them suck. Maybe if I’m born during his era I would like him more. Just maybe.

    There’s a new guy very similar to Prince, but waaaay better. And he’s not famous. YET. His name is Van Hunt and he doesn’t look like a drag queen on crack selling backside on a dark seedy alley somewhere. :P If you feel like trying him out, I suggest ‘Dust’. ^_^

  9. michaelooi says:

    drtan – You on drugs or something?

    robin – What about her? I don’t know but, despite all the attention whoring kind of reputation she has, I think she’s quite a talented singer and still can tapau a lot of more established international artistes…

    anas – You can read my mind bebeh

    denn – Change my mind? The fuck I want to do that for? Maybe if I turn gay or something someday, yeah… why not?

    SPF 88 – Van Hunt. Why would anyone want to hunt vans? (if you were to ask me, I just wish that Kurt Cobain weren’t dead. He’s the real talented son of a bitch)

  10. Lisan says:

    And I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate that snobbish, spoil brat Paris Hilton! I wish she go to jail forever man!

  11. cbljkkj says:

    Kurt Cobain forever!! Sad the talented die young. Another great singer was Freddie Mercury from Queen. Can’t believe he died of AIDS from porking a guy. Sad sad.

  12. Normy says:

    I salute anyone who despises jay chou. It means he/she wants to make the world a better place. *salutes* Xp

  13. michaelooi says:

    lisan – Paris’ tits and beaver are like public exhibits. Everyone has seen it before.

    cbljkkj – I don’t know man, but I’m not really into Queen stuff. Their songs are just too fucking weird for me. (the only one I really like from Queen is Bohemian Rhapsody..)

    Normy – Maybe we should come up with a secret handshake for the cause or something…

  14. bongkersz says:

    kurt cobain, son of a gun!

  15. iamyuanwu says:

    I want join the secret handshake thing too.
    Jay can’t sing or act to save his ass.
    Same thing about Il Divo and Akon.
    Il Divo is by gays, for gays, among gays! Bwahahaha!

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