Archive for July, 2007

July 17, 2007

macho man

Remember I once said that my neighborhood consists of social degenerates and inconsiderate schmucks? Well, I was proven right again in the past weekend.

One of the tenants from the opposite block parked his pickup truck right in the middle of the apartment compound entrance and bolted off on feet to somewhere. As a result of that, the rest of the residents in the area were unable to drive into the apartment compound through that entrance. It was later learned that the guy did that deliberately as a protest against the management’s action against him for defaulting the payment of the apartment maintenance/service fee.

That’s right. As hard-to-believe as it may sound to you, the guy did that despite of being the guilty one. The motherfucker hasn’t been paying his maintenance/service fee for 6 months, and because of that, the management rightfully deactivated his electronic access card to the apartment compound (we have an automatic pole-gate restricting vehicle access due to limited parking space) – that was why he flipped out. When he couldn’t get the gate to open, he decided to leave his vehicle right at that very spot and went home pretending like nothing happened.

I can’t help but wonder, what was this guy thinking… When he left his vehicle to obstruct the entrance, what was he expecting out of the act? That it would pique the public attention that he was being “unfairly treated” and then have his card access reinstated? Or was he expecting something bigger… like broadcasting to the neighborhood that he is a heck of a mean ass macho guy and no one should fuck with him about not paying up his maintenance/service fee?

Nobody knew what was on his mind. Perhaps he himself didn’t know either – for later he learned himself the hard way, that the decision to leave his truck at the entrance was downright stupid and uncalled for. He was later made to haul his sorry ass down from his apartment, rather embarrassingly, to move his truck by a couple of policemen, which he complied like a cheap desperate cocksucking whore…

Had he chosen to settle the matter amicably, like pony up the sum to get back his access instead of acting like a total dick, he probably would have avoided such outcome. So, he was kinda like smearing shit all over himself, himself – because now everyone knows he was the cheap asshole who defaulted the maintenance fee, inconsiderately parked his truck to obstruct traffic and chickened out when the police was summoned. He got the attention alright, though not very much the way he had hoped to be.

I was thinking, it probably would have been better if he retained the macho profile and rebelled when he got confronted by the policemen… you know, so that it warrants for the opportunity to shoot him instead. People like him should just fucking die…

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 13 Comments
July 12, 2007

“Transformers” (2007)

I was with Emily, driving to the cinema to catch this movie today when suddenly, my tire exploded and I had to make an emergency stop by the side of the highway to check what happened. Apparently, I ran over some metal contraption that was left on the middle of the road (looked like some part from a truck). I was doing too fast and couldn’t avert it in time. That thing basically shred the fuck right through my front tire from the side and the damage was irreparable. Had to get a new set of tires for my car. After a hot sweltering episode by the highway-side, 800 over bucks poorer and a couple hours later, only then I managed to carry on with my plan to pay homage to the remake of my childhood passion. That was when I said to myself – mannnn, this better be fucking worth it.

So, was the movie ‘worth it’? Nahhhhh. Somehow, I was rather disappointed. It didn’t have the “Transformers” feel to it. I think the original el cheapo animated series was way better… or shall I say, more entertaining. This CGI packed high budget movie just didn’t cut my cake and here are the reasons why (I’m gonna list this in point form for convenience’ sake)

The bad:
a) I just fucking hate the ‘camera shaking’ effect. I notice that a lot of action movies nowadays adopt this method to give the viewer the ‘feel’ of being in the haywire situation. I don’t dig that stuff. It makes me feel giddy (like that “Blair Bitch” camcorder movie. That was so fucking stupid man). Why can’t they just make movies like how they did “Die Hard” or “Matrix”? You know, slow motion and fixed angles? Things I don’t understand.

b) I noticed that there are only a handful of robots in the whole movie. Like, 6 a side? 6 a side of good and evil, fighting each other… and you call that a ‘war’? What the fuck?? That was more like a ‘gang fight’ that took place behind alleys… If you’ve watched the 1986 “Transformers The Movie” cartoon, then you’ll what I’m talking about.

c) I think it’s plain stupid to make Optimus Prime to have a mechanical moving mouth. I mean, we’re used to see him mouthless… like a ninja or something. It’s the cool thing about him to have a ninja look. But this… Oh man, he looked so messed up with a mouth. And let’s not even ponder why would a robot need a fucking mouth to speak… (we need it for food and oral sex, none of which they can perform)

d) The idea about the robots being able to scan and transform into anything they want is a fucking joke. If they’re able to do that, then what makes them stick to the only vehicular shape that they first transformed? Like, some of the Autobots could have transformed themselves into some F-22 fighters like Starscream and have that much superiority in combat… instead of just driving around the city getting their asses creamed.

e) The plot is preposterous. Maybe I just don’t get it. But I don’t dig it. Why the coordinates on a pair of specs? Why not on a piece of rock? Why Decepticons only came at 21st century? Why not 70 years ago? It was as if the whole thing was conceived right out of a drunken night out at a pub or something. I can come up with way better plots. Eg. A genius scientist invented robots for the military force in US, a few of them went rogue and started to go around mutilating and raping women/children. The remaining good ones will uphold the justice and fuck back with them. See? It’s better.

f) The girl character in this movie is redundant (maybe she’s there for the tits. Gotta check out the uncut DVD version). It would have been better if they made a comedic sidekick for that WitWicky kid.

g) That rap Transformer song sucks donkey cock. (it’s awful)

The good
1) The initial egg beater robot plowing through US military base scene was pretty badass. I kinda liked it.

2) Bumblebee speaking through excerpts from various radio programmes scene was a classic. I liked it a lott.

3) That Pentagon signal decoding expert chick with an accent is so HOTTTTTTT. I totally dig her!

4) The popcorn was ecstatic (nothing to do with the movie)

That’s about it.

In case you’re wondering, no… I am not one of those fanatic loyalist of the series that could have biased my opinion about the movie (like some of my fucking crazy friends). In fact, I wouldn’t even call myself a ‘fan’ of “The Transformers”. Hell, I couldn’t even name more than a dozen of the robots in the series. I remember Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Megatron, the damn robot that ejects cassettes from its chest to wreak havoc (I used to know his name), Starscream (my fav), Constructioncon or something. The rest are pretty vague. Omega Supreme? Yeah.

I’m looking forward for Die Hard 4 (not sure if I’d get a chance to watch it at the cinema…)

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 28 Comments
July 9, 2007

merchandise of evil intent

It’s true, I tell you. If you haven’t actually seen one, well, you’re about to. It is this thing – Barney radio or something (picture left).

No I wasn’t the one who bought it. I wouldn’t even fucking THINK of buying anything that has to do with Barney for my Regine. It was a gift from my cousin. I never knew my cousin was that distasteful but, a gift is a gift. I can’t just tell my cousin that she’s distasteful and reject her ‘kindness’. That is why it is now stucked inside my apartment.

Now, you would probably ask, how evil can this cute little radio be? You have no idea people. You see, it has this small little ‘play’ button on its front panel – supposedly, when pressed, it’ll play up some gaudy tunes sung by this prehistoric purple buffoon. The play button, are painted in both striking green and blue color – as such so that kids will not be able to resist pressing them. Once pressed, it’ll be a journey of no return to the hapless soul (and his/her family) who got enticed to press the button out of curiosity’s sake.

The radio, though small, has the broadcasting power of no less than a high Q amplifier. Its deafening noise of distressing music are irritating to the bone (nothing can be worse than hearing Barney the motherfucking stuffed dinosaur sing) and one will immediately react by looking for any means to power the damn thing down. A power switch on it or something, which does not exist. There is only 1 button. The very same button that triggered the widespread chaos in the first place, one that is also painted with the red square symbol – a common sign of ‘stop’ in any audio/video devices. The distressed hopeful will be deceived to press it again (hoping that it’ll be toggled off), only to realize that not only it does not stop the device, but will begin playing another tune – extending the suffering.

The victim will be rendered with no choice but to leave it alone. You know, wait until it finishes the already playing anthem of death and go static, which kinda works, but not before hearing Barney queerly yells out, almost in a yodelling manner, for 3 times in about 10 – 20 seconds interval, to “LET’s PLAY IT AGAIN!”… before the wretched thing rests in complete silence.

But it’s not over yet. For the button is not the only means to activate the radio. There is another infrared sensor triggered plastic roller that wickedly located beneath the radio which functions pretty much the same way a roller-ball mouse does – that triggers the radio on just like the evil button, i.e. Barney will sing again if you drag the radio on the floor.

So, in order not to subject yourself to more misery of hearing the radio wail like no tomorrow at the least expected times (like when the kid’s asleep and you’re doing toys-housekeeping), you’ll have to carefully store the radio on its back flat, face up. I saw my mom paying a dear price for making that mistake last night, she was jolted the daylights out of herself after accidentally activated the radio through that roller. Her reaction? She suffocated the Barney radio with a pillow.

Just, stay away from this piece of shit. (I’m gonna look for ways to effectively dispose this thing…)

michaelooi  | rantings  | 25 Comments
July 4, 2007

the rookie guide

continued from this post… this is gonna be long

So… the young and freshly graduated girl engineer was made to leave Company X last Friday, after only 2 months of working here (she was actually on contract, but my boss Paul decided not to renew/convert/confirm her employment). That has got to be a new record – I’ve never seen anyone got axed out from an organization in such a short period before. The previous record was held by a sleazebag manager. His record was 3 months.

Alright, you guys must be wondering now, what had she done to deserve such fate? Well, the answer is, nothing. She did nothing. We wanted her to do something, but she couldn’t pick it up fast enough and well enough. That’s what I told Paul a few weeks ago when he asked me if we should latch her up for the job. Little did I know that she’d be booted out THAT soon (I expected like, 4 – 6 months or something).

Perhaps I should be feeling guilty about it, but I am not. Her incompetence isn’t my fault. It was her shy and softspoken characteristics that relinquished her from that job. I’m not trying to say that being a demure person is bad but, somehow, that kind of characteristic does not go very well with positions like electronics engineer in Company X – which requires a great deal of enthusiasm and tenacity, which she grossly lacked of… amongst many other things.

You may say that this is unfair to her, because she was new and all that. But it’s the harsh reality of the working world. If you’re not right for the job, then you’re out. She was given the 2 months grace period to prove herself worthy, but she didn’t make it.

That’s why, I feel compelled to share something here in my blog, on what are the things that one should be looking out for when you’re in for a new engineer post at some corporation. Might be of use to some of you, I don’t know… (disclaimer: this is not a complete guide to success, but something derived from the mistakes that I’ve seen a lot of fresh grads committed – which I think is important enough for everyone to know)

- Be confident with yourself.
I’ve seen a lot of fresh grads having this problem – lack of self confidence. The new girl engineer is a perfect example (let’s call her ‘Ovum’ for convenience sake). Ovum could hardly look into my eyes when she speaks (my eyebags aren’t that scary, pardon me) and could not introduce herself properly. She would sort of go like “Hi my name is Ovum and I am from [university]. I just graduated and I don’t know anything.[sheepish smile]”.
That’s so wrong, people… Never ever think of yourself as inferior. Most management folks prefer someone who is independent and has the natural gumption to turn tables when deals go wrong. And you need lots of self confidence to do stuff like that. There’s a very fine line between being humble and a self deprecating retard, and you should know how to differentiate both. You’re an engineer, be proud of it and act like one. You need to convince your boss that he/she has hired the right person, not the opposite.

- Be interactive.
As I have hinted earlier on, Ovum is a very demure and quiet person. I once left her to handle an urgent (but simple) issue for me as I had to leave work to bring Regine to the doctor. She was with me throughout the whole technical experiment to troubleshoot an OS lock-up issue and I even briefed her on the details before I left – but she did not respond when some of the concerned parties started to ask about the details – which she was made well aware of. When I questioned her lack of response, she told me she was ‘freaked out’. o_O’
This can’t be right. You won’t learn a lot if your interaction with other fellow humans are limited to just getting ‘freaked out’ every now and then. You have to ditch that teenage Hello Kitty cutesy personality. This is business. An engineering job. People hired you here to solve problems, not to see you act cute like you’re in some pen-pal convention. Your engineering work will be useless if you are unable to effectively present your work to your partners/work-peers – doesn’t matter if you’re technically sound in knowledge. You need to keep your shits together and wake up.

- Have discipline.
Look, you’re new, inexperienced and you need people to train you up. The last thing that you should ever do, is to be a slack and convert everyone’s effort into waste. Be considerate, pay attention when others speak. Focus on your given goal. Work your ass hard to get into pace with your job. You should never get too engrossed with your personal stuff during work hours. They should needless to say, done only during your breaktime or at your own time. You should also never shirk. Shirking is for experienced vets that have everything under control (like me…). You don’t.
Ovum violated this over and over again. During the course of her on-job training, she must have sent like, literally thousands of emails and SMS’s to the outside world. Every 5 – 10 minutes, she’d either go to her ‘puter to reply an email or two… or whip out her cellphone and punch some keys. It’s fucking distracting and annoying. I don’t know what’s more important – her career? or some trivial banter she shares with her cronies through cellular network. Don’t be like Ovum. Be serious with your new found career.

- Eat the humble pie.
When you know you’re good at something, you don’t fucking brag or show it off by overcommitting your objectives. You ‘brag’ and ‘show it off’ by delivering results. Sometimes, it also helps by lowering expectations for your objectives and only to easily achieve it later. Action speaks louder than words. Eat the humble pie, motherfucker.
This should not be misconstrued as a contradiction to point number 1 above. Being an arrogant bastard and having self confidence is entirely a different thing. Humility goes a long way in corporate worklife. It makes people feel comfortable to work with you and that makes it harder for them to turn you down. When that happens, you’ve already won the first half of the battle to get your job done. This is also something that I’m still learning myself till this day.

- Work with people.
If you’re a misanthrope or an anti-social, you should probably look for another job. Like maybe a janitor or something, where you can get as grumpy as you want and nobody would give a fuck about you.
Working as an EE engineer is different from studying. You can be a one man army Rambo in your studies and still get good grades. But an engineering job requires you to work with people. A lot. Your performance will be graded through feedbacks from your work-mates… and if you piss them off, you’re fucked. And when I say you’re fucked, I do really mean it – that’s because your bonus, wage increment and future depends on this ‘performance review’… As you can see, this is much more critical than your stupid ass CGPA grading system. Just do it for the sake of survival… and you’ll be better off.

- Clean your mouth well.
Gargle, brush or chew. Whatever. Just keep it clean.
this is just a personal thing – Ovum has halitosis, and I got migraine almost everyday just by talking to her

Of course there are others like how to use that big piece of organ between your ears, etc. But I can’t be telling you everything, can I? Cheers.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 22 Comments
July 3, 2007

3rd of July

At the dining table last night,

Me : “Tomorrow is our love anniversary, dear.”

Emily : “I know.”

Me : “Unbelievable isn’t it? Time passes by so fast. You were still a teenage kid when I first met you…”

Emily : “So were you.”

Me : “And you’re an old aunty now…”

Emily : [stares at me blankly] “And you too, an old uncle now…”

Am I…

It was on 3rd of July 1996, that this old aunty accepted my call of the wild and domesticated my life till this day…

Old aunty, if you’re reading this, just want to let you know… that if I were to be given the chance to visit the past and change the history, I would definitely still choose to be with you (I’d probably choose to lie about my past relationship with my ex but, everything else will pretty much be the same)…

Happy anniversary, dear. Looking forward to see even more of you in the coming years. Turning old and changing shapes. Oh boy it’s gonna be so exciting to see you wrinkle.

[Coincidentally, 3rd July also happens to be this blog’s anniversary as well. I’ve been blogging for 4 frigging years. Goddamn.]

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 22 Comments