July 12, 2007

“Transformers” (2007)

I was with Emily, driving to the cinema to catch this movie today when suddenly, my tire exploded and I had to make an emergency stop by the side of the highway to check what happened. Apparently, I ran over some metal contraption that was left on the middle of the road (looked like some part from a truck). I was doing too fast and couldn’t avert it in time. That thing basically shred the fuck right through my front tire from the side and the damage was irreparable. Had to get a new set of tires for my car. After a hot sweltering episode by the highway-side, 800 over bucks poorer and a couple hours later, only then I managed to carry on with my plan to pay homage to the remake of my childhood passion. That was when I said to myself – mannnn, this better be fucking worth it.

So, was the movie ‘worth it’? Nahhhhh. Somehow, I was rather disappointed. It didn’t have the “Transformers” feel to it. I think the original el cheapo animated series was way better… or shall I say, more entertaining. This CGI packed high budget movie just didn’t cut my cake and here are the reasons why (I’m gonna list this in point form for convenience’ sake)

The bad:
a) I just fucking hate the ‘camera shaking’ effect. I notice that a lot of action movies nowadays adopt this method to give the viewer the ‘feel’ of being in the haywire situation. I don’t dig that stuff. It makes me feel giddy (like that “Blair Bitch” camcorder movie. That was so fucking stupid man). Why can’t they just make movies like how they did “Die Hard” or “Matrix”? You know, slow motion and fixed angles? Things I don’t understand.

b) I noticed that there are only a handful of robots in the whole movie. Like, 6 a side? 6 a side of good and evil, fighting each other… and you call that a ‘war’? What the fuck?? That was more like a ‘gang fight’ that took place behind alleys… If you’ve watched the 1986 “Transformers The Movie” cartoon, then you’ll what I’m talking about.

c) I think it’s plain stupid to make Optimus Prime to have a mechanical moving mouth. I mean, we’re used to see him mouthless… like a ninja or something. It’s the cool thing about him to have a ninja look. But this… Oh man, he looked so messed up with a mouth. And let’s not even ponder why would a robot need a fucking mouth to speak… (we need it for food and oral sex, none of which they can perform)

d) The idea about the robots being able to scan and transform into anything they want is a fucking joke. If they’re able to do that, then what makes them stick to the only vehicular shape that they first transformed? Like, some of the Autobots could have transformed themselves into some F-22 fighters like Starscream and have that much superiority in combat… instead of just driving around the city getting their asses creamed.

e) The plot is preposterous. Maybe I just don’t get it. But I don’t dig it. Why the coordinates on a pair of specs? Why not on a piece of rock? Why Decepticons only came at 21st century? Why not 70 years ago? It was as if the whole thing was conceived right out of a drunken night out at a pub or something. I can come up with way better plots. Eg. A genius scientist invented robots for the military force in US, a few of them went rogue and started to go around mutilating and raping women/children. The remaining good ones will uphold the justice and fuck back with them. See? It’s better.

f) The girl character in this movie is redundant (maybe she’s there for the tits. Gotta check out the uncut DVD version). It would have been better if they made a comedic sidekick for that WitWicky kid.

g) That rap Transformer song sucks donkey cock. (it’s awful)

The good
1) The initial egg beater robot plowing through US military base scene was pretty badass. I kinda liked it.

2) Bumblebee speaking through excerpts from various radio programmes scene was a classic. I liked it a lott.

3) That Pentagon signal decoding expert chick with an accent is so HOTTTTTTT. I totally dig her!

4) The popcorn was ecstatic (nothing to do with the movie)

That’s about it.

In case you’re wondering, no… I am not one of those fanatic loyalist of the series that could have biased my opinion about the movie (like some of my fucking crazy friends). In fact, I wouldn’t even call myself a ‘fan’ of “The Transformers”. Hell, I couldn’t even name more than a dozen of the robots in the series. I remember Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Megatron, the damn robot that ejects cassettes from its chest to wreak havoc (I used to know his name), Starscream (my fav), Constructioncon or something. The rest are pretty vague. Omega Supreme? Yeah.

I’m looking forward for Die Hard 4 (not sure if I’d get a chance to watch it at the cinema…)

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 

28 Comments to ““Transformers” (2007)”

  1. vincent says:

    I agree. I hated the fight scenes because I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

    Go watch Die Hard 4. John McClane kicks Optimus Prime’s ass any day of the week.

  2. Little Ray says:

    Every single person I’ve talked to said the movie’s the real deal. Now now, should I still watch it? Hmm…

  3. _daniel_ says:

    totally agreed with you man, the 1986 movie kick this so called ‘CGI enhanced’ movie anytime. not to mention why the heck the deceptiocons are so bland in color… starscream looks way cooler with the red and blue head (eviler too)… and how come starscream does not plot anything against megatron as well? took all the fun out of it…
    by the way, the radio decepticon dude is ‘soundwave’.
    still remeber that the Star (newspaper) wrote an article about dudes over 20+ would like this movie so that they can ‘relive their childhood’. this, totally shatter what i had believed in transformers all the way to my childhood.
    TRANSFORMERS 2007 SUCKS ~BIG TIME~

  4. YKH says:

    Soundwave

  5. Arkane says:

    whew !! lucky i didn’t watch it. i was pondering whether to watch transformer or DH4. in the end i went for DH4.

  6. Je5sie says:

    But I was mesmerized by the “transforming” processes of the Transformers..From automobiles to robots and the other way round, I just won’t get bored watching them over and over again! Bout the shaking effect, if your seat is not too near the screen then no problem what, I think it’s an effective way to bring you into the movie.. R.E.A.L. haha.. personal opinion la..

  7. cmos says:

    I have similar sentiments about the movie. I gave it a one star out of a gazzilion on my site.

  8. guaisaujai says:

    Ehm….I plan to watch this tonight………..Y?? y let me read this b4 i watch!!!
    T____T

  9. michaelooi says:

    vincent – I believe a lot of people faced the same problem. Emily kept asking me who is who… and I had a hard time explaining it to her – coz I had the same problem!

    little ray – That was because your friends’ definition of ‘real deal’ and my definition of ‘real deal’ is probably not on the same standard. My opinion is, if you want the ‘real deal’, go watch the 1986 “Transformers The Movie” cartoon. That was wayy better than this one.

    _daniel_ – Speaking of Starscream, don’t you think that the 2007 version of Starscream kinda looked like a gargoyle or something? And what happened to Starscream in the movie? Sheesh…

    YKH – Thanks.

    Arkane – Now I know I should have opted for Die Hard.

    Je5sie – Oh girl, you’d be even MORE mesmerized when you see us decent guys transform into wolves when we’re addled enough with alcohol…

    cmos – The new Transformers is just a CGI extravaganza… it has no depth in it.

    guai – Go watch Die Hard 4 lar then.

  10. MOOt-lei says:

    it wasnt that high a budget movie, did you see the number of advertising there was in there?… but i dem love the transforming part, its so cool!

  11. kevin says:

    Agree with you on the mouth thing… Optimus prime looks like an ape…

  12. oliviasy says:

    die hard 4.0 sibeh kua jiong

  13. bongkersz says:

    yea, ape-like optimus prime, so weird. anyway entertaining watch, but if want compare with old days transformers.. tak boleh la. going to watch die hard 4.0! :D

  14. Angeleyes says:

    wow! $800 for a pair of tires… very ex leh!
    Transformer no good? Then I will just wait for the DVD… hehhe

    Btw, can update your link? I moved to http://www.ramblingmoo.com

  15. Ting Tit Lei says:

    havent watched it yet, but you have definitely lowered my spirit haha

  16. michaelooi says:

    mootlei – Who gives a crap about the budget… there are some low budget movies that can still be as awesome…

    kevin – It didn’t occur to me that he looked like an ape… but now that I think of it, yeah… kinda…

    oliviasy – And Transformers is not?

    bongkersz – I’m more entertained munching them caramel popcorns… yummy!

    angeleyes – Not a pair but, a set. That’s 4 tires. I spent a total of almost 900 bucks actually… for that set of Pirelli P7 (195/55/R15). That’s a pretty decent price for a performance tire… that was only possible because my old tires still got a good trade in value… [I’ve already updated your URL a couple weeks ago]

    tit – I’m actually helping you (and everyone) to save some bucks… ahaks.

  17. cbljkkj says:

    Was pretty disappointed with Starscream’s new appearance. Well, kinda gotten used to it since I saw the pre-movie pics bout a year ago (Yes, I’m a Transformers purist and nut)

    Agreed, 6 a side is nothing to shout about. Like you put it, it was like a gangfight more than a war.

    All in all, probably the movie was just eye candy and fancy lighting.

  18. Christina says:

    I loved the movie actually. If the Transformers maintained their cheap-looking box appearance, it would’ve looked stupid in this movie. Also, about the numbers of the robots in there, that’s because there’ll be sequels coming out. What’s the point of showing you all at once.

    Come on people, appreciate the effort they put in there on the story and CGI, most of the remake these days – Freddy vs. Jason and Alien vs. Predator for example had all the hype before their release and they turned out to be a major movie flop. To be honest, with Transformers, if we have so much to complain about, go ahead and join the team in Hollywood to change it… That’s right, non of us can do that.

  19. michaelooi says:

    cblkkj – I think it would have been better if they decide to remake that 1986 animation movie into CGI instead… I mean, the plot and action’s already there… They just need to perfect the already great masterpiece…

    christina – Uh uh. I disagree. If you think every movie that’s not so good should be given credit just because the producer CAN DO IT, then there’ll be no ratings/reviews/awards and shit in this world. You’re talking about an altruistic utopian world, honey. Wake up. (btw, I’d love to join ‘the team’ in Hollywood… somebody ought to give me a chance)

  20. armandd says:

    yeah, the plot is so-so only, but that didn’t stop me from watching the movie twice, haha..

  21. deriku says:

    Well at least it was better than Harry Potter which sucked big time. Optimus Prime pwns Potter!

  22. Zer0 says:

    Interesting post. I agree with all your points. Especially optimus’s “mouth”. What’s up with that?

    BUT i enjoyed watching it. Watched it twice and don’t mind watching it again.

  23. michaelooi says:

    Errrrmmm whatever, guys. Whatever that ticks your clock.

    To those of you who have missed or never seen the 1986 movie before, you can download the DVD version at this link (it’s a torrent link):
    http://www.mininova.org/tor/791812

    You’ll know, that Michael Ooi did not bullshit you about it’s awesomeness and how much it has pwn-ed over the 2007 CGI version…

  24. EinsamSoldat says:

    1986 movie… Optimus X_X , felt conned i want back my 80cents…

    2007 movie, to recreate the fight scene, grab any a scrap metal and wire in both hands & bash them together.

  25. jannz says:

    Omega Supreme = egg brands.
    *guffaw*

  26. NSX_MY says:

    Well i presonally think the movie is quite good (at least a good start), but they can make it better, i guess their budget is limited. crap, why they show out the optimus mouth, its hideous, and another part, why the US army is so few and they just dont die. i wish the last part the optimus prime transform slowly and put “The Touch” song before fighting with megatron (As shown in 1986 movie).

  27. Clyde says:

    Wow! Finally someone gives some neutral comment about the movie, besides me and my two other frens outta the hundreds of people I met.

    Damn you’re right. As Action movie I can close one eye on storyline, logic etc. But what frustrated me is even the action part isnt good. Think you should really check out Die Hard 4.0. Is totally illogical but at least as an action flick, the action is good!

    I even wrote a post about it, explaining briefly about camera angles and such; and show it to some of the poeple who are over-hyped by the movie. None of them could explain why they still like it, mebbe just some comment about “nice special effects,” “it incorporate some comedy elemnt”

    Fixed camera angle is good! But it will take more budget and skill. Which is why I think Micheal Bay could have done better! I m not a Micheal Bay fan but no doubt, have high hope, especially after Bad Boys and Island (I mean the action sequence only). He could have done better! That’s why I think even after he finished shooting this movie, he is still the same person who think this is some “stupid Robot show”. This is a movie who’s done by someone who doesnt like transformer.

    I went to the show with two of my male frens, it’s supposed to be a testosterone-movie-guys-night-out kinda thingy. Both of them are transformer fan. They minded me of something you forgot to mention: transformer can pee! And that’s suppose to be a comedic part. I think it’s just no-taste.

  28. 100 says:

    I like the little radio robot guy.

    Die Hard? After Maggie Q scene, I died.

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