I am having my lunchbreak and I feel like debunking some notebook computer (also read: laptop, portable) myths right now. Something that I can do for the society to reduce the level of retardation amongst the younger generation of smart alec yuppies. Read on if you want…

Myth#1: I can preserve my notebook battery’s life by disconnecting it from the system, stash it in a box somewhere and only use it when I really need to use it.

I guess if that’s true, we can do the same to our spouses, you know, stash him/her in a closet somewhere - heavily sedated of course - then only drag his/her ass out whenever we want sex. And if we were to do it at a really long interval (like once a year? the rest of the days can be sustained with ‘hand stimulations’), then we’d be fucking a really youthful spouse when we grow feeble and white [dumbfucked expression]

As you can probably tell, that shit is practically not possible. The same goes with your notebook battery. If you’re not already aware about this, then let me tell you - degradation of notebook batteries (as of now) is still absolute. That means, whether or not you use your notebook battery, it’s gonna fucking age and die. Pretty much like your spouse. The only thing that you can affect is, how not to degrade it prematurely through misuse and abuse.

If you’re keeping the thing somewhere with the degradation perpetually running, the hours-to-use ratio will drop and you’d get less worth out of the battery. So why the worry? Just fucking use the battery till it can’t be revived no more, and get yourself a new one. Batteries are cheaper than a night out boozing with your friends nowadays. (I have no comment about conjugal relationships though… I’ll let you guys figure that out)

But if you need to do that anyway (stash the batt), make sure your battery is stored with following conditions :
- 50% charged
- isolated in a non-flammable box/container (porcelain, glass)
- store in a cool and dry place (remember, moisture is bad for electronics)

My advice is, if you’re so dead worried about dying batteries, you should probably be using a desktop PC instead…

I’ll post more stuff like this in my future lunchbreaks… (been real busy at work lately)

I recall of a conversation I had with an affable Malay lady - whom I fondly call ‘Badak’ - at Company X many years ago…

Me: “Eh Badak, apasal you orang ni some ada pakai tudung dan some tadak pakai aa?”

Badak: “Tak compulsory lah. Tapi lebih baik pakai lar…”

She’s with a headscarf herself…

Me: “Apasal lar? Ni tudung-tudung ni… actually untuk apa lah?”

Badak: “Nak tutup aurat. Ni aurat tak boleh kasi lelaki bukan husband tengok.”

Me: “Urat tak boleh tengok? You mia kepala mana boleh nampak urat?”

Badak: “Auratttt, bukan uratttt. Aurat tu rambut lah. Tak boleh kasi you orang tengok rambut.”

Me: “Macam itu middle east mia orang? Depa tu cover dari kepala sampai ke kaki macam ninja lah. Tapi you orang perempuan Malaysia cover half kepala aje. Ni kenapa ni? Ni eyebrow, tangan, eyelash… ni semua pun rambut jugak kan?”

Badak: “Itu bulu… bukan rambut!”

I stared at her… and then said

Me: “Ohhh… rambut tak boleh tengok, tapi BULU boleh?”

She paused for a few seconds, processed what I had just uttered and broke into a jackass laugh

Badak: “HAHHAHHHHH! Kanneh you! KOTORRR!!”

Me: “Ni tak logik lar… rambut simpan tapi bulu tunjuk… happaraaaa…”

And she chased me over the production floor to give me an elbow…

Man, what is so good about Harry Potter? It’s rather unbelievable that so many people are willing to sacrifice so many things just to get a copy of the damn title

- storming book outlets at ungodly hours…
- jumping queues and pushing kids…
- elbowing the disabled…
- skipping family duties…
- acting like illiterates.. (which is ironic, because if you’re an illiterate, the book will only be as good as a fire starter…)

I’ve seen the movies (pirated version), read some of the past titles before (downloaded e-books, deleted it after a chapter). Were they good? Not for me. Reading Harry Potter reminded me a lot of my vvvvery early primary years reading of “The Famous Five”… It’s just very ordinary kid stuff. I can’t understand why so many grown ups would get so crazy over Harry Potter books (especially when it’s so overpriced like that…). Why is it so important to be the first to read the book? Why can’t they get Harry Potter later and save themselves some troubles? Don’t they have other books to read first? Don’t they have other things to do? Don’t they have a life?

It shows a lot about those people. A big bunch of grown up ‘kids’ that wanted to be among the first to read Harry Potter latest release, just so that they can impress their friends. I tell you… people, friends need not to be impressed. They’re your friends, goddamnit. Friends should be accepting you the way you are, impressing them is of secondary concern.

If only such magnitude of zeal can be channeled to the nationwide charity centers…

Harry Potter… maybe I’d go crazy about it if I am like, 6 or 7? But definitely not at this age. At this age, the only thing I really want to see in Harry Potter, is how Harry’s gonna bag his long timer girl-buddy (forgot her name) and pork her a virgin. That’ll probably be the most interesting thing to happen - which I reckon isn’t going to be hard - since he knows magic and stuff. Wave a wand and she’s naked + horny like hell. How convenient. ANd they’re gonna ride on each other’s broomsticks together all night - moaning and squealing.

(trivia: do you guys know J.K.Rowling is now one of the richest women in the entertainment industry? She’s laughing all the way to the bank now because of you Harry fucking Potter fanatics.)

I overheard Elliot bitching to Milkboy about some Taiwanese engineer who took his AC adapter to another bench this morning. (That Taiwanese guy happened to be one of my distant counterpart. An important product design guy.)

Elliot: “Mannn! This Taiwanese guy is useless and terrible! He shouldn’t have taken my AC adapter like that! I’m gonna grab it back”

Elliot then went over to the Taiwanese’ temporary workbench and frantically unplugged that AC adapter from the bench. In the process of doing that, he knocked over some of his equipment setup. That was when I yelled at him

Me: “Hey! He may be an asshole for taking your adapter, but he’s also a very important person who is capable to solve problems and useful, unlike you. So, would you please fucking mind your clumsy ass and stop wrecking other people’s stuff, ok?”

Elliot: “This is not about who is more useful… but about who is being more ethical. It’s unethical of him to take my belonging without permission.”

Yeah right, like it’s very ethical of him to wreck that Taiwanese guy’s stuff. And to add an even more ironic sense to that, I also recalled that I had just berated him yesterday for taking my stuff without permission.

Me: “Go fuck yourself, Elliot. You always take other people’s stuff without asking. Remember my HDD enclosure you’re trying to filch yesterday? Have you forgotten why I yelled at you? You shouldn’t be talking about being ‘ethical’… because it is something that yourself lack of.”

Elliot: “…”

If only I have the power to make him shove his head into his own ass…

Damn, I don’t normally do this but, I really need you guys to check out this news article out, posted in TheStar Online on 17th July 2007… Here’s the copy of the article in case the link is inaccessible… take special note on the parts highlighted in red…

Tuesday July 17, 2007
Beaten up over a rooster
by STEVEN DANIEL

MALACCA: Six men assaulted a 60-year-old factory boss when he tried to stop them from taking away his pet rooster.

Zinc pipe-making factory director Neo Ah Kausaid that the men kicked, punched and beat him up with sticks when he refused to let them take away his rooster, which he kept in the factory in Duyong where he worked.

Neo said he was in the factory with a customer when a man in his 20s approached him, looking for the owner around noon on Saturday.

“There had been several thefts in this area so as a precautionary measure, I said the owner was not around,” said Neo when met at the Malacca Hospital yesterday.

He said the man then left. However, when Neo went back to speak to his customer, the man suddenly rushed into the factory and grabbed one of Neo’s pet roosters nearby.

“That big and brown rooster is my favourite and I rushed to stop him from taking it,” said Neo.

He said a struggle ensured and suddenly, six men appeared and attacked him with sticks.

The customer fled when he saw the attack.

Neo, who tried to fight back, said he was held back by the assailants and repeatedly beaten until a woman rushed towards the attackers, telling them to stop the beating.

“She held the cock and examined it saying that it was not theirs.

“Then all of them just left without even apologising or helping me. They got into a car and on a motorcycle,” said Neo.

He said he recognised the man who had approached him as his neighbour, and that the woman who appeared later was the man’s mother.

Neo later lodged a report at the Melaka Tengah police station.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Mannnnn… [wipes tears] I found myself laughing like a jackass alone in my cubicle after reading this news article.