June 18, 2007

nice birdie


Something magical happened to me during the weekend. I was standing at the balcony catching some breeze when suddenly, this beautiful bird appeared out of nowhere and stood right next to where I was standing… which made me felt kinda astounded – because you know, birds aren’t normally that bold.

I thought, maybe for some weird reasons, this bird wanted to be friendly to me, and maybe it wanted to be my pet or something like that. Not wanting to be rude, I extended out my index finger and invited it to perch on… and you know what? It actually flew up and perched on my index finger – pretty much like what you see in those goddamn fairytale cartoons! Like, how many of you actually experienced something as awesome as this?

What’s even more bizarre was, the bird then started to sing… and before long, the rest of its members appeared and I suddenly found myself being surrounded by motherfucking load of birds that were all over the fucking place and…

Alright, I made up the story above. This suicidal bird actually flew into my balcony glass door and got knocked out cold. This was the second time it did that. Not sure if it was the same bird but, it was definitely the same TYPE of bird.

The first time it happened, bird didn’t lose consciousness but kinda stoned from concussion. I caught it up and released it after letting it rest for a while.

This time however, the bird got a little bit more messed up. It regained consciousness after a very short while, but it never got its shit back together again. I reckoned that its brain could have sustained permanent damage or something. Couldn’t even use it to control its sphincter because it was shitting all over my balcony. I made sure that it was sober enough to flap its wings and tossed it out of the balcony – which she (assuming that its a ‘she’ bird, as I didn’t see any dick dangling under that birdie crotch) ungracefully glided into a shapeshifter’s arms at the garden below – which I then saw her being brought away into a dark corner somewhere and disappeared out of sight. No idea what happened to the bird after that.

But that was of secondary concern. The main concern for me was, I had a close encounter with a live bird. A live suicidal bird in fact. Why was it suicidal? Could it be that she had found out that she has a terminal stage breast cancer? Or even worse, somekind of deadly… fluuuuuuuuuuuu? That was why I spent the next half hour sterilizing my whole fucking balcony with Lysol… and gave myself a good scrub with an antiseptic soap. Had to clean my darn camera as well… I’m not taking any chances. (if you’re not already aware about the H5N1 virus infection, read this)

Weird things happen to me all the time. Sheesh

michaelooi  | happenings  | 

23 Comments to “nice birdie”

  1. Little Ray says:

    Poor birdie. I’m kind of phobic of birds now that I’ve been “attacked” more than twice by those god-damn birds in a park near my house. It’d fly from my back and try to bite me or something. More like scaring me, really. It happened when the bird had a nest on the tree nearby, so maybe it was just protecting the eggs or something.

  2. zewt says:

    maybe you should put up a curtain or something… birds cant tell if there’s a glass la…

  3. SPF 88 says:

    Let me make a wild guess. Is your balcony glass tinted?

    Because I’ve read somewhere before that birds in big cities keep flying into tinted glasses because they didn’t know it’s glass… They think it’s open space because of the reflection. The article talked about the increasing death rate of birds in big cities… something like that, I can’t remember.

    Just thought you might wanna know. :)

  4. michaelooi says:

    little ray – Birds are attacking you because they want to protect their egss… hmmm… an insinuation that you’re not straight perhaps? LOL

    zewt – Maybe I should rear a cat instead… birds CAN tell if there’s a mean ass cat around…

    spf 88 – I pretty much think so. Birds aren’t the smartest animal around so, that must be it.

  5. bongkersz says:

    the bird look for place to hide from the dbkl people la.. don’t want to be caught as a specimen for h5n1 :D

  6. bonkboyz says:

    maybe birds want to pass their H5N1 to you!

  7. xes says:

    shit. dude, bird crashing onto your balcony during the bird flu hype? better be vary of any signs of fever man!

  8. megabigblur says:

    FYI, almost all birds don’t have dicks. Ducks are among the few birds capable of committing rape if i remember correctly.

  9. sleepiekoala says:

    We used to have a cardinal that kept attacking our window thinking that it’s reflection was a rival….lol

  10. TiBuN says:

    Pity little birdieā€¦ they were flying full force ahead and suddenly come to a dead stop, even car accident the impact is not a dead stop.
    Save the birdie, be gone with your windows!!!

  11. Dr. Tan says:

    I really had a bird sitting on my hand once. It got knocked out flying into my car, and it really looks like a fairytale, but it didn’t fly onto my finger.

    When I tried to shoo it away from my hand by inverting it, the bugger started flapping like what you see on NatGeo, while clinging on to my hand.

    Get a BB gun instead.

  12. Adrian says:

    Darn, you have a limp bird in your hand

  13. Sooi2 says:

    LOL, ur story reminds me of an episode in “everybody loves raymond” where robert barone’s docile looking mother-in-law killed off straight a stoned bird that smashed onto their door.

  14. michaelooi says:

    bongkersz – Errmmm dude I’m from Penang ler… no dbkl here… it’s MPPP

    bonkboyz – Yeah, she must have tried sending it through courier service and failed… that she had to deliver it personally by herself…

    xes – If I have bird flu, the first thing I’m gonna do is go hug that ugly HR hag admin and lick her.

    little ray – That’s a bad thing to say to an injured bird dude. You gotta have respect to animals, you know…

    megabigblur – Birds don’t have dicks? Then how they copulate aa? Must have somekind of device right?

    sleepiekoala – So this must be a bird thing…

    tibun – And be a hippie that sleeps under the stars? Cmon… we only do that for pussies… not birds…

    drtan – when a bird does that, that means it likes you. You should probably give it a blowjob or something.

    adrian – Yeah and its leaking fecal matter all over the place

    sooi2 – I didn’t kill the bird lar, kanneh…

  15. wilson says:

    God Bless You – you are still alive.
    beware of bird flu – you were damm fxxx brave !!!
    You should buy lottery !!!

  16. zewt says:

    that’s a very nice way to say you want a pussy in your house eh?

  17. Raksha says:

    Lol. Oh I had that twice at my old house too a few years back. Thing is, my study desk back then faced the window directly. You can imagine how surreal it was when I looked up from my homework to see this ‘projectile’ hurtling towards me, go “Boink!” and wind up in a feathery heap on my balcony. Luckily it didn’t die but flapped away unsteadily when I threw..I mean, released it.

    Oh, 2 weeks later another bird did another headbutt on my window. Made me wonder if it was the same damn bird because you know what, like yours IT WAS THE SAME BIRD SPECIES. (-_-“).

    P/s: Talk about bringing the term ‘bird brain’ to greater heights.

  18. Azahar Idris says:

    I’m not sure what kind of bird it is. But from your photo I think it is a juvenile Starling. Birds do get confused by the transparent glass. I have come across many cases of birds like doves, eagles crashing into glass parts of houses. Recently I was in a Condo in Lumut. As I made my way out of the lift at 15th floor, there it was, a barn owl flapping its wings trying to find a way out through the glass window! I quickly caught it and release it. It was always nice to let birds flying free.

  19. bongkersz says:

    I meant to say the bird ran away from Sungai Buloh.. but nevermind. Yeah, I know you from Penang :D

  20. megabigblur says:

    I can’t believe you didn’t pick up on Adrian’s not-so-subtle joke…ahaks.

    Azahar – it’s got the red eyes…but aren’t starlings darker coloured?

  21. michaelooi says:

    wilson – Errr… is buying lottery going to strengthen our immune?

    zewt – I already got pussies in my house lar, brader. In fact, I’m the only non-feline creature there…

    raksha – Can you imagine like, if the window was open? You’ll probably get a head-job.

    Azhar – Yeah, it’s always nice to let birds flying free… it’s so much cooler out there…

    bongkersz – Errrmmm… ok…

    megabigblur – And I was surprised you didn’t pick mine either…

  22. Gatal says:

    Yier… how can you refer to your wife and daughter as “pussies”? (Though true but crude)

The commenting function has been closed.