Archive for June, 2007

June 28, 2007

the girl’s leaving

Tomorrow will be the new girl engineer’s last working day at Company X. Paul (my boss) didn’t want to confirm her employment after her temp contract expired, so… she’s out.

Paul did not specifically give any reason for her dismissal but, I kinda know… that his decision was influenced by 2 factors :
– some political shit that has been going on in the department.
– the girl engineer’s gross incompetency

I do not exactly know much about the ‘political shit’ myself so, I have to leave it at that. As for the second point, it is widely observable that the girl hasn’t been performing well under my tutelage. After 2 months exposing her to various practical work and process know how’s, she was still pretty much as clueless as she was when she came to work on the first day. She was like… slacked in all the basic traits one expected to be an engineer.

Doesn’t talk a lot. Doesn’t probe. Doesn’t ask. She’s just there watching… a lot of watching, no work, no interaction, and plenty of sms to the outside world (while at work)… Hence it is only logical that anyone with a sane mind refuses to retain her in an organization. So, Paul did the right thing. (it’s better to rid of her at this stage before she gets terminal like Panda…)

None of us would miss her, except for perhaps Milkboy, whom I think has developed somekind of an infatuation for her… too bad for him. Looks like he’ll have to continue choking his own chicken for a loooooong looooong time before he meets another potential mate…

I’ll probably make a few pointers in my next few posts, on job expectations and stuff like that – something that probably might be of use to those of you who have yet to tread into the realms of corporate worklife… (I’ve been so fucking busy lately that I had to reduce my posting frequency in this blog…)

michaelooi  | work shit  | 24 Comments
June 26, 2007

the rempit syndrome

If you do not already know what does the word rempit means, I suggest reading this first.

The “rempit syndrome” – as I would like to call it from now on – seems to be omnipresent in all stages of our Malaysian society… as I’ve learned in the past 2 weeks…

Incident 1 :
A fat young guy on his bike took to the right side of my fast moving car from behind, and attempted to overtake my car. But when his bike couldn’t match my car’s speed, the guy suddenly braked hard, went ballistic and honked at me like I have accidentally ran over his family cat.
Apparently, fat-shit wanted to go left at a Y-junction ahead (which was quite close). He should have taken the left side of the lane to do that, but for some strange reason, he didn’t. Maybe he thought that it was way cooler to dramatically maneuver his bike past me and cross diagonally in front of my car with just enough niche of timing to clear the path into the left junction… But of course, it didn’t work out well for him.
I slowed down after hearing his honk of misery from behind, which he caught up on me at the left side and I reciprocated with my way-more-superior air horn… jolting the shit out of him… and then showed him my version of The Finger.

Incident 2 :
I wanted to make a right turn at the base of a T-junction, and saw this slow moving car approaching from the left side of the junction, with its right indicator turned on. Being a considerate driver, I adhered to the tacit right-of-way rule – I stopped to let the car pass – and that was exactly what the guy behind the wheel did.
But when the car reaches half way in completing the turn, the middle aged driver suddenly braked and stopped right in the middle of its track, dead center at intersection. I thought the car was broken down or something, but it wasn’t. The driver stopped because he wasn’t sure if he turned into the right junction, and decided to have a small discussion with his passenger about it.
Since it was quite a busy intersection, there were dozens of car backed up at the intersection. And again, I had to use my air horn to rectify the situation, and woke those morons up from their fantasy style driving…

Incident 3 :
I was driving along a straight stretch of trunk road, on my way to drop off Emily to work. There was this particular section of the road where there was a nasi lemak stall operated by the roadside.
That was why the bike in front of my car stopped, I think – checking out his breakfast on display. No indicator, no brake light, no nothing. The bike stopped dead in the middle of the road. Like ‘Incident 2′ above, I could have thought that the bike had broken down or something. But the young rider did not even budge from his riding position. The guy was just looking to his east, eyeing on a few packets of nasi fucking lemak (or perhaps some factory chicks’ handbags?).
Not wanting to be late for work, I caressed the rider’s soul with my air horn… and he reflexed by catapulting to the roadside, followed by another lagged respond by waving his fist in the air… as I saw him disappear in my rear view mirror…


I don’t know what is with these people with stunted ability to think. Bad food? Bad education? No fucking idea. Maybe it’s just inherent in them or whatever the reason is.

But what I definitely know, is that these people walk amongst us in the society like any normal person, and there is no way to distinguish them apart (which is kinda scary when you think about it). But once they’re behind the wheels of a vehicle (or operate anything that moves), you’ll be able to tell – that they have the “rempit syndrome” – best defined as the kind of people that may be physically advanced along with time, but mentally still in the very primitive form. Goddamn.

I hope our astronaut doesn’t jack off in the rocket to see what effect the gravity has on his cum…

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 16 Comments
June 21, 2007

50 raunchiest Malaysian blogs

Well, I don’t exactly have 50 here… only 1, mine. That’s because I don’t have much free time on my ass (alright, I was lazy).

But it’s the raunchiest alright. NC-17, you can’t get any worse than that. That’s like, the equivalent of a midget porn site or something like that…

So how was yours rated? If you have a blog, you may check it out at that URL there… and if you think your blog is worthy of the tag “50 raunchiest Malaysian blogs”, kindly post up your URL and rating in the commenting section… I’ll add it to the list.

01. – NC-17
02. – NC-17
03. – NC-17
04. – NC-17
05. – NC-17
06. – NC-17
07. – NC-17
08. – R
09. – R
10. – R
11. – R
12. – R
13. – R
14. – R
15. – R
16. – R
17. – PG-13
18. – PG
19. – PG
20. – PG
21. – PG
22. – PG

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 39 Comments
June 20, 2007

the gay way of the animals

Overheard this dialog between Milkboy and Elliot, while I was at my workbench… (it’s in Hokkien)

Milkboy : “Ah Seng ah… lu oo Lawlen eh tenwah boh?
(translation: “Elliot… do you have Lawlen’s phone number?”)

Elliot : “Tan chek… wa choi khua…
(translation: “Wait… let me check…”)

A good 10 seconds later…

Elliot : “Nah… ” [hands Milkboy his phone]
(translation: “There…” [hands Milkboy his phone])

Upon seeing what was displayed on Elliot’s phone, Milkboy erupted into a very gayish laughter…

Milkboy : “Eheee hee heee! Wa ai Lawlen eh tenwah lah! Mm si Lehlen eh lah! Eheee hee hee
(translation: “Eheee hee heee! I actually want Lawlen’s phone number… not Lehlen’s! Eheee hee hee”)

Elliot caught the mirthful banter and followed suit by reciprocating an even more gayish half snort half remark

Milkboy : “Oh, hweee hwee hweee! Lawlen si boh? Wa thia tiok Lehlen… hwee hwee hweee” –> I fucking swear, that’s how he laughed…
(translation: “Oh, hweee hwee hweee! Lawlen’s phone number is it? I thought you said Lehlen… hwee hwee hweee”)

Their hormonal frequency resonating each other’s… and then both of them laughed together, like retarded gay twerps.

When stupid people behave like they’re so gay like that, the combination can be so damn fucking frightening. I shudder at the very thought that these 2 must be licking and fingering each other’s anus when nobody’s around, and then to use the same fingers to hold the communal probes used in our lab…eeeeyikess!

(For your information, the 2 pajandrums mentioned in the conversation – ‘Lawlen’ & ‘Lehlen’ – were actually ‘Lawrence’ and ‘Darren’ respectively. Yes, they have problems with their tongue. Probably due to the toxicity of their anus discharge or whatever unclean object lodged in between…)

michaelooi  | characters  | 12 Comments
June 18, 2007

nice birdie


Something magical happened to me during the weekend. I was standing at the balcony catching some breeze when suddenly, this beautiful bird appeared out of nowhere and stood right next to where I was standing… which made me felt kinda astounded – because you know, birds aren’t normally that bold.

I thought, maybe for some weird reasons, this bird wanted to be friendly to me, and maybe it wanted to be my pet or something like that. Not wanting to be rude, I extended out my index finger and invited it to perch on… and you know what? It actually flew up and perched on my index finger – pretty much like what you see in those goddamn fairytale cartoons! Like, how many of you actually experienced something as awesome as this?

What’s even more bizarre was, the bird then started to sing… and before long, the rest of its members appeared and I suddenly found myself being surrounded by motherfucking load of birds that were all over the fucking place and…

Alright, I made up the story above. This suicidal bird actually flew into my balcony glass door and got knocked out cold. This was the second time it did that. Not sure if it was the same bird but, it was definitely the same TYPE of bird.

The first time it happened, bird didn’t lose consciousness but kinda stoned from concussion. I caught it up and released it after letting it rest for a while.

This time however, the bird got a little bit more messed up. It regained consciousness after a very short while, but it never got its shit back together again. I reckoned that its brain could have sustained permanent damage or something. Couldn’t even use it to control its sphincter because it was shitting all over my balcony. I made sure that it was sober enough to flap its wings and tossed it out of the balcony – which she (assuming that its a ‘she’ bird, as I didn’t see any dick dangling under that birdie crotch) ungracefully glided into a shapeshifter’s arms at the garden below – which I then saw her being brought away into a dark corner somewhere and disappeared out of sight. No idea what happened to the bird after that.

But that was of secondary concern. The main concern for me was, I had a close encounter with a live bird. A live suicidal bird in fact. Why was it suicidal? Could it be that she had found out that she has a terminal stage breast cancer? Or even worse, somekind of deadly… fluuuuuuuuuuuu? That was why I spent the next half hour sterilizing my whole fucking balcony with Lysol… and gave myself a good scrub with an antiseptic soap. Had to clean my darn camera as well… I’m not taking any chances. (if you’re not already aware about the H5N1 virus infection, read this)

Weird things happen to me all the time. Sheesh

michaelooi  | happenings  | 23 Comments