May 23, 2007

animals don’t give a crap about your feelings

The new female engineer has been down with gastric pain for 3 days since the beginning of the week. She didn’t turn up for work on Monday, but she showed up yesterday and today – looking lividly lethargic and all that. So I did a ‘concerned talk’ with her this morning.

Me : “So, you still have the gastric pain?”

No, she was feeling damn awesome. She intentionally put on some ghostly make up to freak everyone out – That was a fucking stupid question of course. I don’t know why I asked her that but it was my shtick to start a conversation.

Female engineer : “Yeah.”

She doesn’t talk a lot. At least to me. Maybe because of my reputation as a fearsome stud that rips uterus out of female engineers at my workplace.

Me : “I heard you’re a vegetarian of sorts?”

Female engineer : “Yeah. I don’t eat meat.”

Me : “Why? Are you going to get epileptic fit if you take meat? Or is this just a preference thing?”

Female engineer : “No specific reason. Just don’t like meat.”

Me : “Why? Is it because you hated the fact that animals have to be slaughtered for the meat? You’re feeling sorry for them?”

She gave out a sheepish smile and nodded. That was when I did the lecture…

Me : “You don’t have to feel sorry for them. They’re just our food. Just walk near any four legged animals and show some compassion, do you think they’re going to smile and thank you? Hell no. They won’t give a crap about your feelings. They’d move on like everyone else. So why bother? Just eat them. Your stomach needs proper protein-rich food like meat to digest. Otherwise, the digestive acid inside your stomach is going to get over-abundant and when there’s nothing else to digest, it’s gonna get piss mad and digest your own stomach. That is when you feel the pain. You get me so far?”

Female engineer : “Oh okay…”

I was just bullshitting of course. But it was kinda fun to see her freaked out like that. I continued even further anyway… for her own good…

Me : “And when the acid digested too much of your stomach, sooner or later it’s going to etch through it and you are going to get a hole inside your stomach. That’s when things will get much more complicated and you’d probably need to be hospitalized. And then we’ll all have to work like hell when you go missing, see?”

Female engineer : “…”

Me : “So, you need to eat animals to get better. If you don’t, well, we’re gonna eat an extra 2 animals for every animal that you abstain from eating. How’s that? It’s going to work out worse for you… and the animals…”

That was borrowed from Maddox. I think the idea was an awesome one – so I cited his phrase to make my point clear.

She probably looked more dumbfucked than anything else after the ‘concerned talk’. But it’s all for her own good, you see. How can one survive without the protein and those mineral craps that can only be obtained from meat? Do you see tigers get gastritis or constipation? No right? (check with your local clinic for records). That means, having some meat in your diet is good for your health.

I think I am an awesome mentor. I teach good stuff and I help people to get better – how often do you get that combination man?

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 

35 Comments to “animals don’t give a crap about your feelings”

  1. MorpheusX says:

    so the you didnt mention the girl cun or not cun by your standards?

  2. seremban engineer says:

    Hey Michael, you havent introduce your new female engineer to us yet. How she looks like? What was the first impression when you met her for the first time? Tell more please……

  3. Arkane says:

    I seldom hear of vegetarians getting gastric. If you take the right diet (even a vegetarian one) you can get your daily dose of nourishment. I think her gastric comes from a different source. Probably in addition to the vegetarian diet, she’s some closet anorexic. I know some girls do that just to look good.

  4. xTr3me says:

    no meat, no life.

  5. mott says:

    psstt…..meat doesn’t actually get digested ;-)

  6. Shar says:

    i……….must…eat……chicken…….
    no chicken……me no function

  7. bongkersz says:

    they abstain from eating meat, why bother make the vege dishes look like char siew, chicken.. or taste like it? :D

  8. michaelooi says:

    morpheusx / seremban engineer – To me, she’s a few tool boxes short of a toolbox.

    arkane – I don’t know but, I know a lot of vegetarians who are suffering from gastric pain. And mental disorder too.

    xtr3me – Yeah bebeh. We guys live for the same kind of flappy beef all our lives.

    mott – Yeah? So meat would bypass all our innards and end up as shit? Wow.

    Shar – Chicken no good. Beef good.

    bongkersz – You’re referring to those religious farts. Technically, those people are vegetarians… but spiritually, they’re no different than us carnivorous motherfuckers.

  9. mikelee says:

    She is probably giving this reason just to skip work. :)

  10. cthulhu says:

    This article in particular question about the need to practice vegetarianism in moderation:

    When Crown Shakur died of starvation, he was 6 weeks old and weighed 3.5 pounds. His vegan parents, who fed him mainly soy milk and apple juice, were convicted in Atlanta recently of murder, involuntary manslaughter and cruelty.

    This particular calamity — at least the third such conviction of vegan parents in four years — may be largely due to ignorance. But it should prompt frank discussion about nutrition.

    [Source: The New York Times: Death by Veganism]

    “Vegan pregnancy was irresponsible. You cannot create and nourish a robust baby merely on foods from plants.” That baby (fem.eng) needs some meat (no pun intended).

  11. feizal says:

    Have you read Maddox’s book? funny wei… I was surprised to find it in Kinokurniya (if that’s how you spell it) KLCC.

  12. Very da funny la..its like what we do the maid..tell her you know why you so slow? because you never eat pork..hahahaah

  13. Jase Lee says:

    Wow, 62% evil and you’ve nearly fried her brain. Imagine you’re 100%… :P

  14. michaelooi says:

    mikelee – Errr, she hasn’t started ANY WORK ler… Probably an excuse to avert my mean ass…. hahah

    ctulhu – This doesn’t make sense, isn’t it? Why would vegans assume that their kids are born a vegan? What if their kids love meat? This is like a violation of human rights man… forcing their own offsprings to be what they presume to be good.

    feizal – Nah. Maddox is just good enough to read online. I would never spend a cent to read his book. I’d rather use my money on something more useful… like a good biography or something.

    lotsofcravings – That’s racist man… hahahah

    jase – I think i did. She’s on MC again today. Haih….

  15. seremban engineer says:

    She took MC to attend other company job interview….*_^

  16. sasha says:

    sekali she get too sked she resign muahaha u die. u gotto do double work.

  17. Silencers says:

    Aww, that’s nice. Abang Michael is looking out for his little noob friend :D
    Let’s hope for a good Sithlord-Apprentice relationship here.

  18. Je5sie says:

    Actually if possible I wish to be a vegetarian too. Just too hassle to find vegetarian restaurants all the time for meals. So I decided to eat lesser meat instead. It’s just an acceptable preference, Michael.. Don’t be too harsh on that girl. Oh, I heard that these meat-haters (like me) have fate with the Buddha. =] (Believe or not, up to you)

  19. You quoted Maddox? You really are 62% evil.

  20. michaelooi says:

    seremban – Possible. But what do I care, ahaks!

    sasha – I AM already doing double work lah!

    silencers – The force is not strong with her. A Sith must be aggressive. A female Sith must be both aggressive, and hot.

    je5sie – I have fate with Buddha too. (believe or not, up to you) – hint: Buddha in hokkien.

    swallow – Maddox is just amateur… You should’ve seen those writers in Ubersite… Even Maddox himself worships them.

  21. Shar says:

    I can’t take beef Michael, I am a hindu. :P
    also, u sure she’s not reading this blog???

  22. megabigblur says:

    Let’s see how long it takes her to figure out that Mike’s full of BS. i.e., 62% evil =D

  23. EinsamSoldat says:

    Sounds like ur female apprentice has monthly issue…. or being a vegan has taken its toll :S

  24. Jase Lee says:

    Aduh… imagine u go 100%… what’s next? Hospitalization? :p

  25. Dr. Tan says:

    Mike, as far as I remember, you blogged about you whacking anything that moves. You’ve eaten crickets and stuffs like that right?

  26. seremban engineer says:

    Michaeal is using the psychological warfare ??????

  27. CK says:

    do u see cows die because they consume only grass and the acid digested too much of their stomach, etch through it and and get a hole inside the stomach?No right? (check with your local clinic for records)
    haha!

  28. Val says:

    Michael! You’re the man! You better brainwash her every day. Who knows the vegetables talk to her while you’re not around and convinced her not to eat meat. =P

  29. toothless says:

    @CK.. err.. because cow hav 4 stomachs?

    gastric pain is just an excuse.. *and i use it a lot back in high school*

  30. lovepixie says:

    hire me instead i am an engineer and i love meat.. beed, mutton, dont really like chicken though.. fish is ok.. haha

  31. lovepixie says:

    MC on new job.. irresponsible…. i hate people who eat vege only to diet… especially female colleagues who tend to criticize every meat u chew.. that’s y i only eat with my male colleagues…

  32. SPF 88 says:

    how do i get a boyfriend like u? i tried to fish for one whom i thought will turn out to be like u someday… i almost succeeded but i messed up my plot and he hates me now. hahahahahaha

  33. iamyuanwu says:

    You do know that stress/pressure can cause gastric problems, right?

    I think you being 62% evil (instead of not eating meat) stressed her out. Heh heh!

  34. anonymous says:

    What the fuck you go and lecturer other? Gastric pain because the engineer didn’t eat meat. What kind of crap is this in 22nd Century?

    As far as I can think of, you are really a dumphead. You are just an idiot to tell people that eating meat will help them not to get gastric pain. Actually, you are a complete dump, dumper and the dumpest.

    You think yourself too good lecturing people about eating meat. Even if the female engineer is stupid, you are more stupid thinking that she heeds your advice. It’s like teaching an un-educated person about A,B,C and you are proud of yourself.

    Whether she eat or doesn’t eat meat is her choice and her right. Who the fuck are you to go and talk people preventing their choice and their right? You go and talk cock to her, don’t be too proud of. The whole world see now you as a complete moron. You are more stupid than the fisherman who let the fish be killed by letting it go to the water.

    What a complete moron!

  35. michaelooi says:

    anonymous – I’m sorry? Who the fuck am I to go “lecturer” others? LOL. You know what? You are very amusing, you and your kind. VCD sellers, hairstylists, cellphone promoters… Go get some education first lah, retard and learn a few more tricks before you come here to flame again. Oh me so veli skeddddd

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