don’t expect too much from your children
Emily ‘celebrated’ her first Mother’s Day today. It was nothing sort of extraordinary. We didn’t have any special meals, nor did we go all out to hog the public road and wanting to be seen. It was just another normal day for her (us).
The lack of enthusiasm can be best attributed to this - we didn’t give a shit about it. And maybe part of it could also be due to the fact Regine was too little to acknowledge the significance of this day. But then, even if she does and chose to ‘didn’t give a shit about it’ (like me), it wouldn’t have mattered to us (me).
However, for some, stuff like this could mean a big difference between two different sides of the ‘filial piety’ line. Whatever that their children did for them on Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day), it would become the gating criteria between good and evil. They would overlook every other things, but hope on the big one - that their children would reciprocate their love through material means. To them, raising a family is like an investment. They think by sowing some shitty efforts to raise a child (whom they’d fondly refer as ’sacrifice’), they can get a guarantee of a good retirement (to improve the odds, they raise more children). And when they fail to get what they want eventually, they would whine and lament about their ill fated life and tell everyone about it.
Well, I don’t know if it’s just me but, I think that’s just plain wrong. In my opinion, the last thing you should ever expect, is your children reciprocating your love. Raising a child is not an investment or a ’sacrifice’ (sacrifice is WAY MUCH MORE than that). It’s something that we multi-celled organism do biologically to populate the world. The animals do it all the time, and do you see them sitting there waiting all day long for their offspring to feed their sorry ass? No. But we humans do it differently. We raise our children in hope that they’d repay what has been given to them. This is so fucking wrong.
To me, this is the kind of thought that makes us weak. People put too much hope on their children, that they start to disregard their own well being. They would settle comfortably at the shady illusion that the last of their days will seen off peacefully by their children. That’s bad judgment dude, as the saying goes - “don’t put all your eggs in the same basket”. That’s why we see so many old people end up finishing their days at old folks home (but then, not that it’s a bad thing when you get to hang out with people your age). They’re too dependent on their children. I think we should change that.
I raise my Regine without any expectations for her to repay what we have given to her. The only expectation I have, is to grow old feeding my own self and Emily. Of course, Regine can repay my love out of her own will, but that’s not really a requirement. To raise her as my child, is my responsibility. To lead an honest life without having her old parents encumber her from reaching her dreams, is her prerogative. I made the choice to bring her into this world through a spasm of orgasmic spurt, but she on the other hand, didn’t make that choice to be my child. That’s the raw deal. If you think that this is unfair and unjustified, well… fuck safe. Practice birth control. Wear a condom or something. Don’t fucking have any kids. If you want to have kids, you should raise them up unconditionally.
Just remember to think for yourself. Haul your lardy ass up from the couch and have a plan before you grow old.
Happy Mother’s Day people.
Well said dude.
so uncle ooi, what if your entire “old capital” eventually would just enough to cover your children’s expenditure for higher learning. Would you willing to pay and deserve to rest with 2 testes left?
Yeah man true.
Of course it would really suck balls if your daughter does not reciprocate your love in some way or other, not materially, but hopefully she’ll bring you out for a spin in her new car. Dinner with the in-laws (only if they’re nice) and stuffs like that.
Good read. Now if only the other few hundred parents who have 10 kids each in tow, screaming and running around Tesco would read this post too….
i guess its in asian culture to take responsibility in paying back what our parents have gave us..
but yea, i wish parents (including my mom) would be more indepent without their kids help. and try to live their own life - like pursuing the things they don’t have time for when the kids are still growing up..
I SMS’ed my mum because the card I sent her went astray >D
Re your last comment about using birth control…have you seen the Zazoo ad? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K45m79fEyz8
You are absolutey right. That’s what my dad has been telling me. He refused to take money from me and told me to use the money for my children just like how he used his money on me before. He said he didn’t expect me to return him anything and since i was born to be his daugther, he has to provide me what should be provided.
Well said.
i guess it will be up to the new generation of parents to adopt this way of thinking then. i totally understand what it feels like when a parent is expecting something in return. hearing ‘em chanting how much money it took them over and over again sents me jumping into a pool of guilt when i can’t fulfil the expectation. and i’ve sworn to myself never to do that to my kid, if i ever have one.
Ah yes. Damn straight, Mike. When I get out of studying, and when I get to work, I’m going to repay my parents for what they helped me through, not because they’d expect it, but because I love them and I WANT to repay them.
Though, I never really put Mother’s Day as important or anything. By right, every day should be Mother’s Day.
Peace, Mike. And metal rocks.
spider - We should plan ahead to settle our retirement days at Spider dude.
picatho - I call that bad planning, robert. When bad planning occurs, there’s only 1 outcome - you’re fucked. When you’re fucked, anything goes.
drtan - It’s a ‘nice to have feature’, yes. But I’m not going to look forward for it to save myself from potential disappointment.
drowmage - Who gives a fuck about them. It’s the privilege for you people who reads my blog maa.. ahaks.
jannz - Well, the culture’s about to change. We’re going to be one of the earliest generation of geriatrics that has the ability to use a computer. When you have a computer and a game of DOTA, who needs kids? Ahaks
megabigblur - Ahah for a moment there, I thought you said you gave your mom an ashtray for Mother’s Day… (bad daughter)
buttercup - The force is strong with your dad, buttercup.
ange - I’ve even seen parents beating their kids shitless for failing to get a distinction for a subject. Their justification? “How are you going to feed me if your grades are not good enough to become a doctor/lawyer/etc??”. Asshole parents.
unladen swallow - Good to hear that too. Your parents are lucky to have a good son like you. (now, I wonder if you’re a good friend… maybe you can send me an iPod as well…. I’d be grateful like… totally…)
Buttercup would u like to adopt me ? lol
My parents gave up so much for me, so that I , not them, could have a better life.
It’s not that they expect me to repay them, nor if it’s morally right and all that, it’s just because I want to. I honestly want to, though I don’t really have the means right now…I guess it’s easier to be said than done when i’m still living comfortably off them :S
You know it’s true what they say, you get what you give.
Well, you might not expect Regine to repay what you’ve given to her, but when she grows up, she WILL want to return that love.
this is a piece of good advice to parents out there…but as for me, i realised what my parents have done for me and i want to repay them on my own will..they dont expect anything from me as well, but it is a good thing to honour thy father n mother
mike, does this apply to relationship? ie..whatever u forked out esp moneywise for your other half? what bout $ lent but not repay?
my parents should read this post. especially my mum.
arsky - Errr… shouldn’t you be asking buttercup’s dad instead?
dee - If my Regine were to repay my love, it better not be money. I have a hunch that I won’t be needing a lot of money when I grow old…
nicholas - You bunch of people seems to have good parents. Lucky farts. Count your blessings and kill less chickens, people.
tyra - If your relationship involves financial lending and repayment (between both of you), that means it’s not for real. *ahem*
bodicea - Well, forward them my URL lah
forward YOUR url to our parents? takyah ler,..my mom nak ON the computer pun, have to ask call me in college..apa lagi want to open the internet connection, open IE and click Favorites and find ‘SIFU’s blog - m.ooi’… *ahem* such simple task is cumbersome to her.
plus, i think your blog is not suitable for traditional-thinking parents. they will disagree with almost everything u have wrote, mostly cause of your choice of words.. (which i think its cool ler..hehe)
thank God, you have us…the new open-minded generations! ahaks!
Wow I never thought of it that way. But wouldn’t you feel something (jealousy perhaps) when other people’s children are doing lots of things for their parents when yours is rebelling you kau kau?
jannz - Geez, you made it sound as if I’m operating a porn site… “stuffs that your parents would go against, and yet, you like…”
danielle - I think I won’t kua. I’m used to being a loner and I have no issue with that.
on Mother’s Day, hubs came home 1st time in 3 mths having been away to work in sabah, my MIL said to my hubs :-
u haven’t give me any money for this month. See, your brother so good, stay outside (S’pore) but can still give me so much $$ (duhh… he earns S$, we get RM)
i have no respect left whatsover for that old lady!
but, I AM BLESSED with parents like buttercup’s dad!
I’ve seen such people before. One of my mom’s friend - who preaches her children not to be ‘too educated’. That’s because she thinks tertiary education is a waste of money. Might as well come out to work to earn their own wages, so that she can ‘tax back’ the cost to upbring them.
That was why all her 3 children are high school dropouts. The eldest son became a salesman of sort, the second one became a car salesman. The youngest daughter became a prostitute and now, a hairstylist.
Believe it people.
I would buy my parents a holiday somewhere probably Europe once I can afford it. They haven’t taken any long holiday probably since I was born, to save up and pay for my education. I think they deserve one.
i crossed path with a respectable elderly man once, he said he dun expect anything, just weekly lunch / dinner. His son, who earns more, will normally pays for dinner while his girl, fresh out of college would pay for lunch… that was good enough!
Well, I grew up believing the same, not to my parents’ guidance of course. And guess what, when i told my parents what I thought about “repaying back” they bloody flipped. Hey, i’m a good daughter, i celebrate their birthdays and is there for them when they need me all the time but sometimes, i don’t know if they understand that the “repayment” they want from me and my brother should not be in monetary form only.
michael, that’s a thoughtful post you wrote..
makes me think about parents only wants ‘income tax’ when their children are working.
Being dumped by my parents at birth, I grew up with my single aunt. Monthly I would wire her money. To my surprise, this CNY recently she gave me a huge angpow. It was all the money that I’ve wired back to her the whole 2 years. She said:
All I want is for you to be alive, be happy and healthy. If you want to give me back something for all these years, then come back more often, see me, talk to me before you sleep, hug me and occasionally, take me out for dinner.
What happened to the money she gave me back? Well, I wired it back to her bank account and promised her I will be back with more laundry every month.
Happy Mother’s Day, Emily and Michael!