Archive for April, 2007

April 13, 2007

contest XYZ

Company X corporate messenger… (certain details have been modified to mask the identity of the characters)

Girl colleague : “hi michael”

me : “Yeah”

Girl colleague : “you busy?”

me : “What’s up?”

Girl colleague : “u heard of contest XYZ?”

me : “contest XYZ? no ler. what’s that?”

Girl colleague : “hmmm.. u got read [prominent blogger]’s blog?”

me : “no, i never read blogs”

Girl colleague : “go [URL]. Contest XYZ is a competition.. for u to make ur dreams come true.. winner will be rm 150k. my friend is in the final 4…”

I went to the URL. The mainpage was with a cropped image of a rather hot looking girl in a mini tube top posing the belly dancer stance. There were texts surrounding that image, urging visitors to SMS vote the site owner in the said Contest XYZ

me : “you mean, your friend is in that competition?”

Girl colleague : “my friend’s dream is to own her dance studio…”

me : “that girl is your friend?”

Girl colleague : “yes”

me : “that photo is heavily photoshopped. your friend works in Company X?”

Girl colleague : “nope”

me : “so what’s this all about?”

Girl colleague : “i dunno how to explain.. the main purpose is to have dance party.. its like for all those that interested in dancing.. get together .. and exchange opinion and stuff.. but u can’t make money.. so making money part is .. dance classes”

I got a little bit confused… but that was not important anyway…

me : “so she’s organizing a party is it?”

Girl colleague : “shd be.. but so far none as i know of la.. i lama tak jumpa dia..”

me : “oh ok. Is she going to take off her clothes at the party?”

Girl colleague : “no stripdance”

me : “ok. so is she going to take off her skirt or pants at the party then?”

Girl colleague : “no 18SX dance”

me : “then why would anyone go there lar?”

Girl colleague : “someone who wants to learn how to dance (the dance classes that she has in her studio). someone who would like to meet more ppl who like to dance.. ”

me : “those people who wants to meet someone who can dance, are only interested to get into that someone’s pants. so to say, people want to dance because they want to impress girls… so that they can fuck them or somethign”

Girl colleague : “what about girls? who like to dance?”

me : “they want to get into guys’ pants. simple.”

Girl colleague : “wow.. ur world is so simple”

me : “it’s the reality. guys can see things girls don’t see. you girls read too much love novels.”

A guy’s world revolves around girls. Just like how much a fag’s world revolve around bungholes. *shrugs*

I had to go after that. I did that colleague (and that girl in the competition) a favor – I sent in a vote.

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 13 Comments
April 12, 2007

mys departments heads talks funnys

My department head came to talk to us today. He sure had a lot of things to talk about. Both coherent and incoherent. Whatever they were, somehow… I just couldn’t get myself to concentrate on his boring sermon. If it’s not about ‘strategy’, it’d be about ‘breakthroughs’, or how important it is for us to ‘work as a team’ and ‘synergize’. It’s always about the same fucking shit.

The only thing that I manage to notice about his whole presence was his peculiar way of adding an ‘s’ at the end of each and every word that he utters – Like this :

“I am lookings forwards for yours understandings on this issues.”
“For examples, Michaels is a diligence workers.”
“The quicks browns fox jumps overs the lazies dogs”
“Mays the forces be’s withs yous”

It’s kinda funny to me in a way. I almost had a barf-out moment there by myself constructing my own sentences using his quirks… you know, like trying to imagine him having a secretary name Penny… he would have called her “Penis” or something like that… ha ha ha… snort.

Anyways, I’ll be hells ofs a busy mans for the next couples of weeks. Theres ares shitloads of reports pendings, ands on tops of thats, I’ve gots to clears tonnes of my stuffs to gets myselfs readys for my week-long trainings nexts weeks. Postings on this sites wills be intermittents. (nots ons hiatuss buts I wills posts ifs I don’ts gets too tireds afters a day’ss works.)

michaelooi  | work shit  | 13 Comments
April 9, 2007

useless morons

I think the traffic police team around the area where I work are a bunch of retards. Terencat akal. Sepastik.

You see, my workplace is located at a damn busy and highly populated area. Highly populated with degenerates who can’t drive for shits (you wouldn’t believe how many traffic lights and road dividers are mowed down each month here…) and traffic lights. Fuckloads of traffic lights. There are like, 5 fucking traffic lights in the same fucking kilometer leading to where I work. It is a very frustrating affair just to drive through the district alone.

And recently, our plights were made worse by a bunch of traffic policemen overriding the traffic lights to direct the traffic – which, I reckon are supposed to ease up the situation or something like that… But that apparently, was not the case. Now instead of having a hundred over meter of vehicles queuing for 1 revolution of stop at the lights, we now have 3 TIMES the longer congestion than before. Thanks to our area’s polis trafik sepastik malaysia (PTSM). I really can’t understand why do we need to waste the taxpayer’s money to install so many traffic lights if they’re gonna deploy a team of dedicated traffic police to man the traffic anyway?

I had it with them today and was so fucking pissed that I have blog about them this time. Now if you can check out the satellite image below:

satellite image

The green dotted line traces the route I take every morning to go to work. U, V, W, Y and Z are traffic light points. Five of them. X marks the spot under the overhead highway, where you’d see a menagerie of excess (and overweight) traffic policemen hanging out to take refuge from the searing sun.

Every fucking morning for the past few weeks, we have had traffic policemen ‘strategically’ placed at point V, W and Y… sometimes Z. This morning was no different, except traffic light Z… which became out-of-order for some reason. The damn thing was blinking amber and the situation there was chaotic. And where do we see the our PTSM? Nowhere. Actually, they’re everywhere else… except Z (the place where we NEEDED them MOST).

Do you fucking see what I see here?

A bunch of fucking useless morons. I could have hired a herd of cows to direct the traffic and it would have had the same effect = traffic jam (at least we don’t have to pay them cows pension when they’re old…)

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 10 Comments

Regine’s first shopping cart ride

I don’t remember if I had ever ridden a shopping cart before as a kid… but here’s something for my daughter to remember, her first shopping cart ride… She was definitely freaked out, but thrilled at the same time.

regine's first shopping cart ride

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 20 Comments
April 6, 2007

bitter memories : horny dude

*Kinda free at work this morning, so I decided to write a little…

There was a time when I used to be immaculate. A time far before the internet and porn. A time when I only know about soccer and being innocently mischievous… until I learnt ‘more’ about the world that one fateful afternoon.

It was after school at about noon, and as usual, I went over to the school field (which was opposite my school by the sea) to play soccer with my friends. It was like a daily routine for me whenever I had to wait for the school bus. But when I arrived there, I was quickly ushered to the edge of the volleyball court changing room building (which was just right next to the field) by this friend of mine (the same guy who showed me my first porn mag).

He whispered to me in a hushed tone :

Friend : [whisper] “Duuuuuude.. shhhh! Keep it down! There’s a guy at the back of that wall there jacking off! ahakss!”

Well, he actually quoted ‘pak chiu cheng‘, which is Hokkien for ‘wanking’.

Me : [whisper] “What the fuck?? He’s doing it on our field?? Why would he want to do that lah??”

I was innocent. Forgive me.

Friend : [whisper] “I don’t know man. Don’t ask me. Maybe he’s just sick or something.”

It was just a blank discussion. It really mattered not to us on why the guy did it. But for something like this to happen in our school compound, it’s already heck of an interesting phenomenon for the rest of the younger boys. The news then started to spread faster than a wildfire, and in the matter of seconds (it was really that fast), we had dozens of curious boys sneaking behind the wall… myself included, to peek at that psychotic horny dude jacking himself off under the hot sun.

The guy happened to be a middle aged bloke… still wearing a motorcycle helmet, sitting on the edge of the washing well (a place to wash our feet) and fervently working on his dick. He was pretty much in ‘control of the situation’ until I made that fake moan in falsetto voice…

Me : “Ooooohh ahhhhh oooooohhhh aahhhhh ooooh aaaahhh~~”

My prankish cry triggered 2 simultaneous reactions:

1) The guys catching for their breath for laughing too fucking hard, and
2) The wanker jolting up as if he was discovered by his mother-in-law porking the family dog.

I kinda half expected him to immediately pull his pants up and skedaddle, you know… but then surprisingly, he went on with his business. I guess he must be already ‘too far to go back’ in his fantasy, lest he’d spill his cum on his pants or something like that. And that kinda gave us more time to goad that guy up with more of our shenanigans.

Some of us howled like wolves, some followed suit with more creative orgasmic moan, some simply yelled “HOI!”. The jeering lasted for about 10 minutes (Now that I think of it, that was kinda long for a session of jackoff) before horny dude decided he had had enough, pulled up his pants and got the fuck out of there.

We had a good laugh and some of the kids even went to the site to survey if horny dude had actually ejaculated, which they later ascertained that he didn’t. He left the site clean, except for perhaps a few strands of pubic hair for the roaches as souvenirs.

Believe it man… there are a lot of sick people amongst us. (I meant the horny dude, not us innocent kids…).

michaelooi  | escapades  | 11 Comments