March 28, 2007

think out-of-the-box

I was doing a withdrawal at the ATM yesterday when suddenly a smartly dressed old man came right up to a machine next to mine. I took notice of him because he had this strong asshole aura around him. From the first look of his attire, I reckoned that he must be either a vice president or a director from a nearby corporation. A ‘winner’ in the society. Like, who else wears a long sleeved shirt in the middle of a hot sweltering afternoon? Either a salesman or top management people like him. (and he’s too frigging old to be a salesman)

Old man looked very focused. He was completely oblivious to everything that was happening around him. He looked like he was cracking his head thinking about some serious work stuff, but his body was in ‘autopilot’ mode – probably a routine which he had been through for so many years that he only requires half of his brain to get them going. And that was when the problem started.

You see, he was using only half of his brain, maybe less… to run his errands. The rest of the resources? Used up by some other important tasks. That was why he didn’t realize that the machine he was trying to use was out-of-order. There was a sign on the screen of the auto-teller machine telling everyone that. I took a snap of the sign with my phone :

ATM machine
sorry for the poor quality. I was doing a walk-by shooting with my phone

As you can see, it was a big ass sign. But old man’s half working brain failed to detect that sign. It was somehow beyond what his half brain power could process. Without suspecting anything, he shoved his card into the machine and the damn thing started to blink like mad. And when he was about to key-in his pin number, then WHAM! His brain bitch-slapped a fatal exception error screen across his vision and he started to panic. MACHINE NOT WORKING MACHINE NOT WORKING!!! He started to clap his hands repeatedly with a wide eyed expression (it was a rather odd reaction… I have to admit)

“SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!” – I could hear him cuss at himself under his breath.

Then he started to frantically press the buttons on the ATM, probably hoping that it would explode inside and spit out his precious card. Miraculously, it actually worked. The machine spat out his card (it didn’t explode if you’re wondering…) and he quickly grabbed it like what he’d do to a tit after being released from a 20 year jail term. He stood there for like 10 or so seconds, apparently unable to believe how screwed up it was of him for failing to see that sign. Man, what if the sign was not a harmless plastic, but a rampaging mad man wielding a cleaver? He’d be minced to pieces like a pig inside a slaughterhouse. What the fuck indeed.

It was then a young lad holding a helmet walked pass where he was standing and saw him pausing there like a stump, and gave him this weird look. Quick thinking old man noticed that, and in a split second, thought of an excuse to redeem his self esteem by thinking out-of-the-box, like what he had uttered millions of times to the bevy of employees under his leadership, and said to the young lad…

“This is not right. They should have covered the card feeder instead… so that people won’t accidentally shove in their card to this defective machine…” [shook his head like a really smart champ]

I was compelled to chide the man “CAN’T YOU FUCKING SEE THE BIG ASS SIGN THERE TELLING YOU IT’S OUT OF ORDER, MORON??”, but then, I didn’t. That’s because Penang is such a small place. Who knows… one day this motherfucker might become my boss or something. I chose not to provoke him…

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 

17 Comments to “think out-of-the-box”

  1. Arkane says:

    Ha ! Those typical manager type ! Seen them in action almost everyday displaying their monumental stupidity to the lesser mortals around them. And you know what’s the most irritating thing about them ? They have the cheek to try to cover their stupidity by making some statement to try and show you how superior they are by being able to think out of the box. Puh-lease….

    You shoulda told him why don’t he cover his wife’s cunt with duct tape each time she menstruates so that he won’t mistakenly shove his dick inside coz his fucked up brain forgot that she’s inaccessible.

  2. Chrys says:

    He could be a government servant… lol

  3. feizal says:


  4. eevet says:

    aiya .. who knows that the old fellar is a buta huruf… soooo insensitive to the cangkerik on the screen..

  5. Arsky says:

    hmmm hmmm ~ stereotypical lol

  6. wils0n says:

    He’s probably so desperate for cash he couldn’t see the sign at all. All he sees is the card feeder. @_@

  7. michaelooi says:

    arkane – Yeah, they think they’re always right… no matter how stupid they sound.

    chrys – I don’t think so. He looks too clean and well groomed to be a government servant…

    eevet – He’s not ‘buta huruf’ lar… he’s just fucked up.

    wils0n – That could be a plausible explanation. But who cares, he’s still fucked up for attempting to justify his mistake…

  8. Adrian says:

    He is desperate to try to salvage his own integrity by announcing the bank should block the card feeder. Unfortunately, it was a lame attempt. Sometimes those people who think they are someone important will pretend to be too occupied, but truth to be told, their minds were just blank most of the time.

  9. YP says:

    Some people are blind, some people are stupid… some people are stupid AND blind.

  10. Dr. Tan says:

    Bwahahaha. What a silly DF. Dude, where do you usually hang out? I’ll try spotting someone observing stupid people heh.

  11. einsamsoldat says:

    That must be a lecherous old man pretending to be a gentleman. What causes his cussing for he cant get ca$h to get a quick fixes or some SPG blackmail him for high sum of ca$h

  12. anas says:

    hah, these kind of people never take the blame themselves.

    ever experienced being behind a moron who takes a very long time at the atm just to withdraw money? like they don’t know how much money to withdraw, and spends like 5 minutes to decide how much, stupid fuckers with no financial planning.

    and my experience at one maybank money changer, this old geezer was in front of me, exchanging USD to RM, and he had to count every single note, very slowly and loudly, (showing the world that he can actually count) before leaving the counter. bahhhh….

  13. seremban engineer says:

    No doubt, he is “blind” !!!!!

  14. Dr. Tan says:

    I can’t comment there, so I’ll write it here. Relax dude.

  15. bodicea says:

    to give him the benefit of doubt, he might be sleepwalking in a very convincing way

  16. MT says:

    For me, I always have bad experiences with the “penguins” and ATMs… I dunno la but, if you’re not sure of how much balance cash you have, shouldn’t you be doing a balance check first before trying to withdraw?

    Nooooooo…. You randomly punch in some figure, wait for the ATM to tell you “insufficient balance. Transaction cancelled”, go “Ehh, kenapa ah?”, punch in another ridiculous sum, and repeat…

    I really wanna do two things to them:
    1. Bang their fucking heads against the ATM screen,
    2. Shout really loudly in their ear “KAU TAKDE DUIT LA BODOH! NAK CUBA WITHDRAW TU BUAT HAPERR?!”

    The problem with each choice is:
    1. I dont want to dirty my hands touching the heads of those “penguins.” Also, dont want to get muck on the ATM screen.
    2. No point in shouting at them. They are pretty obviously devoid of any and all grey or white brain tissue. God knows how they can function.

  17. Nicevil says:

    Luckily the atm machine programmers did their job well. The card was not stuck or anything. What would’ve happened if the card was STUCK ?

    One fine example of how most of us panic when things go out of control.
    Gotta stay cool. :)

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