March 26, 2007

the spot is yours

On our way home from work, inside the car, last Friday…

Emily : “Giving birth to a baby is such a difficult thing, man. I really got to salute all the mommies in this world…”

Me : “Hmmm…” [*groan]

Emily : “It is something that you guys will never ever understand. The pain… oh my god…”

I suddenly felt like becoming a smartass…

Me : “I actually can understand that. It’s like… having this really big piece of shit straining its way out of your sphincter… it’s badass, I know…” [I was actually thinking about a somewhat similar answer I gave to my colleague a few years ago…]

Emily : “What?? No!! It’s like… pain all over your body except the hair… you get what I mean??”

Me : “Alright, yeah… whatever…”

I was thinking of answering her this – “That’s why God gave you ladies the ability to have multiple orgasms. THAT… comes at a price bebeh…”, but then, I decided to just give it to the ladies.

Of course we guys will never understand how painful it is to give birth to a baby – just like how we humans will never understand why a dog needs to lick another bitch’s ass before he decides to mount and hump. It’s impossible because we’re biologically different from each other, see? And of course, that makes you girls the greatest. Like, who else is qualified enough to claim that number one spot? You’re the champ, girls. We guys are just the recessive species for your dominant existence and we play no roles at all in human evolution. Just a mere keh-leh-feh

Happy now? So will you girls drop the topic already? Thank you.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 

16 Comments to “the spot is yours”

  1. megabigblur says:

    So…the $1000000 question is…do you give Emily multiple orgasms? Kekekekeh.

  2. Suessy says:

    no offense or whatsoever but seriously, this “who-is-the-better-gender” debate is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy ancient. in the first place, we don’t really have more than two choices isn’t it? it’s either the man is better; or the woman is better in faking the relationship, or the woman is better; or it’s the man who is waaayyy better in faking orgasms. like, hello, each of the gender has their own ultimate test in life.

  3. michaelooi says:

    megabigblur – It’s confidential bebeh.

    suessy – Ackkk, we DO have more than 2 choices. Women are good in faking orgasm, WHILE men, can be good in faking a relationship at the same time. See? (but this is already out of context…)

  4. Arkane says:

    When your woman brings up such a topic to you, it’s time to be VERY careful with your replies, or else you will end up sleeping on the couch tonight.

  5. Adrian says:

    Ah! Just saying what they want to hear? Smart move, as that will keep you out of domestic troubles

  6. wils0n says:

    I guess the pain is x10 the pain when the penis tried to get out from the fore skin for the first time. The pain also lasts kinda long. Some kids are just so stubborn.

  7. anas says:

    yes, just say what they want to hear, unless you want to be a victim of domestic violence…hehehe

  8. eevet says:

    I guess she wanted you to care her more~ you know, women never have enough(can’t blame.. it’s like that)~ butter up her a bit la~ hehe

  9. nicholas says:

    and the pain we feel when we get kicked in the balls is astronomical as well.

  10. Sooi2 says:

    no shit! even tho my husband was with me during my long labour, i sensed he was somewhat BORED even tho i felt like dying at that time :p

  11. MT says:

    Aihhh…. Its just one of those things that women use as their “ace in the sleeve” if ya know what I mean…

    Speaking of childbirth, my mom told me once that when my sister (elder) was being born, instead of my dad being there to comfort my mom and support her, he had disappeared. Apparently, he was on the phone calling the pigs in his family to tell them the good news! My mom so wanted to bean him with the drip stand!

  12. aaron says:

    do u know what is ab fund is?…we can get back our money within 100 days…is it workable?…

  13. michaelooi says:

    arkane – I AM already sleeping on the couch! Well, not technically but, it’s still not on the same bed. Why? I gave up my spot for Regine…

    adrian / anas – Yeah, learnt a lot of politics at workplace.

    wils0n – Errr… I never got that kind of trouble before – coz I was circumcised. But I can imagine the pain to be equivalent of what Rambo had to go through when he cautered his wound with a red hot glowing knife…

    eevet – Ooh, of course I’d butter her up. In fact, I’d even lube her up… ;)

    nicholas – Errmm… I never got kicked in the balls before… Ahaks…

    sooi2 – What do you expect lah? To get excited and all hypered watching you scream? Cmon… give your beau a break…

    MT – I wasn’t there as well when Regine was born. I was at the corridor checking out nurses… ahaks

    aaron – Ab as in ‘abdomen’? Or ‘anti-locking brake’? Or ‘absorber’? If you meant ‘abdomen’, it’s a bullshit. Not worth it.

  14. Sooi2 says:

    eh, really thanks for ur words of comfort la. at least now i know my husband’s asshole-ness is nothing personal. it’s the guy thing rite? ahaks

  15. hashie says:

    Biologically and genetically, it’s true… men are only useful to women for their half of the gametes.

    If women ever found a way to self-fertilize themselves, us men are DOOMED!

    ~hashie

  16. sasha says:

    u’re luckily emily went thru c sec. if not, i can see her legs at yr face edi, hahahahha

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