February 14, 2007


When I was a kid, I used to follow my mom to a market food court to have my breakfast. My mom together with her cronies, would hang out there for hours catching up with gossips and shits, and I would kill time by wandering off on my own after my meal… usually patronizing the nearby video arcade center and occasionally, played with the hawkers’ kids.

One day, while I was doing my usual round of loitering around the area, somebody called out for me. It was an unusual Indian fellow in a faded orange robe of some kind. I first thought he was a Buddhist monk or something, but then he had this afro hairdo that kinda nulled the idea. So I didn’t really know who he was or what he wanted. He just flagged me to go over to him, like this

“Come kid, come come” [it was uttered in English]

I was freaked out of course – having heard countless of stories from my mom about sick people duping off children into dark alleys to rape them. And this guy, fitted exactly the profile of what my prepubescent mind could imagine, of how a prolific pedophile would look like. Afro do, a robe (easier to whip out his prick) and dark skinned (no offense people, we oldskool children were brought up to believe that dark skinned people are dangerous – due to the fact that a lot crimes in the neighborhood were committed by dark skinned drug addicts back then…)

I just pretended I didn’t hear him and attempted to walk away. But this guy, he caught up to me and grabbed my arms, then said

“Don’t be scared kid, I just wanted you to help that poor kitten that fell into that drain there…”

He then pointed out into a drain nearby. I peered into it and indeed, there was a cat inside, clinging onto the drain wall struggling against the swift flowing current. But I was still freaked out, because for some reason, I felt something not right about him. Maybe because he had not let go of my arm…

With an agitated look, I retorted back to him

“Errmmm, what if I refuse to help that cat?”

“Then you’d be doing a very bad thing. The cat will die because of you.”

It wasn’t verbatim, but he did include a lot of zen shits that I couldn’t understand. But my mind was very clear at that time, and I knew how to differentiate between bullshits and what nots.

The thing was, I didn’t feel like taking the trouble to go down into the filthy drain to save that darn cat. I was thinking – if that cat was stupid enough to jump into a big ass drain, then it should probably fucking die. Stray cats are suppose to be street smart. We can’t be saving cats’ asses all the time. If we do that, how are they ever gonna learn, right? That’s why I decided not to save the cat and said to PedoMonk rather bluntly :

“If you’re so wise and kind-hearted, then why don’t you jump into that drain to rescue the cat yourself? Why has it got to be me?”

He got flipped out and squeezed my arm hard,

“Hey! You want me to throw you into the drain or do you want to go in there by yourself??”

I got really freaked out and had no choice. I was being held by the edge of the big ass drain and the situation looked ominous enough for me to freak out. It wouldn’t be wise for me to resist what he wanted. Things suddenly didn’t seem that bad after all when compared to the picture of myself being thrown like a ragdoll into that drain. So, I finally went in there and rescued the fucking cat from being flushed into the sea.

The drain water was nasty. I got my feet all wet with greasy and stinking water, and my hands smelled like a rat’s skin. Once I got out from the drain, I immediately distanced myself from that motherfucker monk and was about to cuss him, when he smiled and thanked me. He then reached inside his robe, took out a card and beckoned me to take it. It was a card with a picture of another robed dude with afro hairstyle. He then bowed to me and took his leave. Holding the card and still feeling pissed (and scared), I watched him walk to the distance, wondering if I should tail him to his car and pitch him a brick or something. I eventually didn’t. Instead, I went to wash myself up and walked back to my mom’s gossiping troupe, all the way thinking about the whole incident – unsure if I should feel proud about myself for saving the life of an extremely stupid cat… or if I should feel extremely stupid, for interfering the urban ecosystem of a stray animal. I threw the card away before I got to my mom.

(I later learned that the afro guy in the the card turned out to be Sathya Sai Baba. I would have appreciated the card more had it been Optimus Prime that was on the card…).

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

7 Comments to “pedomonk”

  1. Jasmine says:

    :) … A smile for you, Michael

  2. Arkane says:

    Never heard of monks going around forcing people to do good by threatening them. This is a new twist.

  3. bongkersz says:

    nice afro hair he got…

  4. doc says:

    You could have caught a milliard of diseases by going into the filthy drain. Next time when you see similar people forcing poor innocent helpless children to go into filthy drain, do us a favour – run him down with a truck. Make sure you double back across his body.

    Oh, before I forget. This kind of people, they eat cat one. Poor kitten.

  5. Arsky says:

    I didn’t know about transformers trading cards but during my time it was those Marvel/DC/Magic the gathering back in primary/lower secondary time. Luckily got some of the money back by dumpin them all during school canteen day(a time to set your own stall and sell all ur unwanted shit for charity) of course i only gave like 20percent of the proceeds to charity.. lol~

  6. michaelooi says:

    jasmine – Dang! So much troubles, and all I got was a shitty card and a smile from a flower…

    arkane – well now you’ve heard it

    bongkersz – Never liked afro do’s. I personally think they look better when braided.

    doc – I was only 8. What do you expect dude? If I were to be say… 15, I would have shoved the cat up that monk’s ass and kick him into the drain…

    arsky – Ahhh charities. There’s once my class organized a ‘ball room party’ during a charity campaign. Got the approval from principal. But it was no ‘ball room party’. It was an amateur disco night with invitations to various girl schools (I was the organizing committee and the one who gave the party a name – Party Zone – oh yeah). Turned out to be quite a success. We raked in more money than the rest of the classes. Combined. (the principal attended the party that night, and reprimanded us – “I thought you guys said it’s a ballroom party? This is no ballroom party!” – but he enjoyed the night nevertheless…)

  7. Arsky says:

    whoa so nice one can organize such parties… my time was only societal parties that must have something to do with education lol like drama or play… zzz

    Speakin of school principal, he’ll make us pick up trash if unlucky enough to stumble upon him along the way. Heck If my memory serves me right i think that time we do have a few janitors. Our principal is a cool fella some holy catholic brother that lives in the school, got astro, goes for ocassional evening walks with the opposin school’s principal too, who knows a hump or two, and i’ll leave ya’ll to ponder what happens to all the porn that got confiscated during spotchecks .. lol

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