Archive for January, 2007

January 7, 2007

analysis

If there is such thing as an ‘automated forensic analyzer’ – you know, a contraption that is capable to scan for microscopic remnants of any kind, on anything. You just need to dump in whatever you want to analyze into it and pimp slap a button. ZAPPP! A report will be generated in a blink of an eye.

Well, like I said, IF there is such a device, then the report for my old T-shirt would look something like this:

My current T-shirt, on the other hand, would look like this:

Tells you a lot about a person’s life, isn’t it?

This post is dedicated to a couple of my buddies who are on their way to embrace parenthood.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
January 3, 2007

the voucher dilemma

Emily had her spectacles frame made and contact lenses ordered quite sometime ago at this ‘Focus Point’ outlet. A couple days ago, we went back there to have them collected. We were greeted by this plump Chinese guy attendant with a dead-fish expression and a horrible fake English accent. Emily passed him our receipt, and requested to collect the specs and lenses. The guy went to collect the items and came out with the bill.

RM199 for the frame. Another RM200 for a dozen pairs of lenses. RM50 for some professional fuck fee or something. Total = RM449

Minus the RM100 deposit, the final amount to be paid would be RM349.

It went on fine for him… until we gave him our credit card along with a RM100 voucher to pay for the items.

He stood there squinting at the voucher, and with a look of disapproval on his face, he said bluntly to us

Dead-fish : “No, I’m sorry. The voucher is not valid for discount items”.

Whoaa fuck. That’s not good. That was a voucher I got from my credit card reward points. If I didn’t use it for that purchase, then it would be as useless as a square of toilet wipe for me – for I don’t shop around for glasses very often (I have a good eyesight and I already got a Rayban).

Me : “Look, if I don’t use this voucher today, I won’t use it ever again. Why don’t you un-discount this frame, for all I care, and let me use the voucher instead? I save more that way than getting any of your discount. It will make no difference to you.”

Dead-fish was not sure if my request was possible, but he was adamant on not letting us use the voucher. I flipped out, but before I could hurl any verbal abuse, a fat chick attendant, who obviously was more alive and experienced, came to his aid…

Fat chick attendant : “I’m sorry but you can’t use the voucher for a contact lens purchase. Vouchers are only valid for frames and sunglasses.”

She even showed us the terms and conditions printed on the voucher – yes indeed, frames and sunglasses only. Strictly not for contact lenses. But we DID purchase a frame, remember?

Emily : “What is this? Isn’t this a frame?” [shows fat chick our purchase]

Embarassed, fat chick replied,

Fat chick attendant : “Oh sorry, I didn’t know that. I think that should be fine then. Your voucher should be valid. I apologize for the mistake.”

Dead-fish was not happy with fat chick’s decision, and he protested. A feigned courteous debate ensued between the 2 of them, and in the end, they decided to consult their branch manager. Manager came out and confirmed – yes, the voucher is valid. I heaved a sigh of relief and gave Dead-fish the voucher for processing.

But it didn’t just end there. Dead-fish, being a hard headed motherfucking dolt, refused to cave in to his manager’s decision and hesitated to let us pay with our voucher.

Dead-fish : “But you can’t use it for contact lens purchase right? Then I still can’t let you use this voucher.”

I was like, what the fuck??

Me : “Your manager said we can. So, why not?”

Dead-fish : “That’s because you purchased the contact lenses with the frame.”

Can you fucking believe that? I can’t. Emily couldn’t believe her ears either. If stupidity were to be water, he’d have an ocean of it. He’s a dead fish inside his ocean of stupidity.

Me : “Just use the voucher for the frame. Not the lenses. Get it?”

My counter sort of snapped him back into his senses. Just like somebody who had been awakened from a spell of blurness… he began to ask for directions on where to go next…

Dead-fish : “Errmmmm… so how do I minus this voucher from your bill now? What’s the total you need to pay?” [looking confused]

All he needed to do, was minus the RM100 voucher off the total amount I had to pay, then the remaining balance will be covered by the credit card. It’s that simple. But he couldn’t seem to be able to figure that out. I’m not that charitably inclined to enlighten him however…

Me : “You do the math lah!”

Dead-fish had to ponder by himself until fat chick attendant came by to lend him a hand, again. Like this, like this and like this. She got the math right. But instead of thanking her, the mortified Dead-fish went about ranting the decision of letting us use the voucher. Like, how can that be? He was sure that he’s right. How come he didn’t know about all these changes? Bitch bitch bitch.

Cocksucking loser.

I wonder what kind of impression will he paint when the tourists start hitting our country during VMY 2007 – that Malaysians are nothing more than a bunch of low IQ retards who can’t do arithmetic even with a calculator? Well, actually much more than that. We paid 95 million bucks to prepare teh tarik in space, remember? [Monkeys get to go there for free since the 50’s].

michaelooi  | experiences  | 15 Comments
January 1, 2007

wordpress

Migrated from Movable Type to WordPress – something to start for my New Year. Spent the whole New Year Eve re-coding my old Movable Type template into WordPress… it was hell of a work, since I’m not a programming kinda guy.

[Reasons aplenty, on why I took the trouble to do this. I’m not gonna start on it.]

Just let me know if you have any feedback on bugs/errors or suggestions for improvements/etc… In the meanwhile, here’s a summary of some of the notable changes in this blog

– the old URLs will not work anymore. It will work for now and temporary, but they will all be changed once I got the archives running, and the old MT files removed. The content of this blog however, remains the same (the new URL structure will be shorter and neater)
– there will be no more pop up commenting form/list. All comments will load as a single entry page now.
– as a result of that change, all comments will now be linkable, just like a blog entry.
– your vapid text expression inside the commenting system will now automatically churn an actual smiley image.
– the site is now paginated. Just click the page link (on top or bottom of screen) to scroll for older entries (this is to save loading time).
– the sidebar menu is now FF / IE compatible. Previously, it was only FF compatible. (IE sucks donkey cock)

That’s about it for now. There will be more changes coming, now that I have WordPress powering this site. Happy New Year to all of you.

michaelooi  | site stuff  | 8 Comments