December 19, 2006

a favour

I saw this posted right next to a photocopy machine at the office…

If you’re unable to operate this copier, kindly approach your administrator to get the passcode for the machine. Thank you.

Doesn’t sound quite right, isn’t it? I don’t know but, if it were to be me, I would have put it up as…

If you’re unable to operate this copier, you should probably fucking die.

Alright man, that was a joke. (That notice was suppose to keep off non-employees from utilizing our office equipment by password-protecting the copier… instead of what I suggested…)

But really, I myself have encountered a high post executive who doesn’t know how to operate a goddamn photocopier. It happened many years ago, I was on my way to a meeting location at the office when I saw that ‘high post executive’ – a fat douche bag with fiiiiive figure salary — holding a stack of documents and gazing at the photocopier, like he’s waiting for a response from the machine or something. He didn’t fiddle with the buttons nor did he try to check the tray or anything. He just stood there looking confused. One could obviously tell that he:

a) doesn’t know how to photocopy a stack of documents,
b) doesn’t know how the hell did his secretary do it,
c) hasn’t actually seen a photocopier before…(what more to operate one…)

Hell… had he knew that letting Ms.Secretary off for her unnecessary vacation would cause him so much of a trouble, he would have chosen not to approve her leave application in the first place… So complex, so many buttons! GODDAMN THAT FUCKING BITCH @#$%^&*.

That was when I came into the picture, right about the moment when his head was at the verge of exploding. A bright and promising young man who looked like he could fix a nuclear submarine with just his dick. Alright bebeh!

“Errr excuse me… can you do me a favour?”

He sounded like some pedophile old man offering me a candy in exchange for a piece of my ass. I was young, naive and gullible. I answered that stranger…

“Yeah… how may I help you, sir?”

I had to be courteous and formal, for this five-figured salary blur cuttlefish, was my boss’s boss’s boss and several levels up. I did not want a simple chore like this ruin my career (my thinking was a bit shallow back then, forgive me…)

“See err… I have this stack of documents which I need… err… quite urgently. Would you kindly help me photocopy them and put them on my desk?”

“Why can’t you do it yourself? It’s obviously faster and also, you get to keep the information confidential all by yourself…”

Ok, I didn’t say that. That was actually what I had in mind. I just responded “Sure”, took the documents off his hands and went to work my magic with the photocopier. Got it done in under a minute. That photocopy machine apparently, came with an auto-sorting function. Just unstaple the docs, dump it on the automatic feeder and press a big round button marked with the word ‘COPY’ on it. I wanted to ask for a promotion, or at least a free meal at the cafeteria or something… but he wasn’t around when I plopped the copied stack of documents on his table. Probably hiding around the corner somewhere… unable to take the courage to face the rookie boy who fucking saved his five-figured ass…

I did a random search on my own blog to see if I’ve blogged about this before.. Apparently, one of my fictional entries was actually inspired by this incident… ahaks! You can read that entry — here

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

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