December 12, 2006

long time no see

You know, one very strange thing I noticed about life, is that… the odds for one to stumble into an old friend, are very much higher at places that serve alcoholic beverages (pubs, clubs, etc) than those that don’t. I don’t know if it’s only me, but I never seem to have met them at any other places. It was as if my senses are dull at normal times, and would only heighten when I consume enough booze to spot them.

The same thing happened to me (again) last Friday, I spotted TongHai — a friend whom I acquainted during my ‘school bus years’ — while drinking at a local lounge with Charles and Ayamas. Apart from not looking as tall and stout as he used to be, he hasn’t changed much from our kiddy days at all. The same turgid head full of pubic curls, thick neck and a bridge so wide that made his eyes seem to separate far apart like ‘The Toxic Avenger’… Good old TongHai.

“TongHai! Remember me?”

When I yelled at him, he was being dragged by a very tragic looking walrus sized female creature and he turned to look at me like I was trying to save his life (from that fucking walrus). He said nothing at first but grinned, with memory exception error written all over his face (that guy was half drunk, his brain’s not working at the full capacity – which explains the walrus and amnesia). Only after a few more prods to his stalled memory, we managed to light him up like a bulb and greeted like how old friends should.

Then, like someone who had just been given a larger capacity of thinking power, he excused himself from the walrus (thank god!) to hang around with us to catch up over some beers, you know… what are we doing now… where to hang out and stuffs. Then came the part when we talked about our marital status, to which, he learned that I already have a daughter of six months…

“I already have a daughter. Six months.”

“You mean, the knocked-up six months? Or the baby six months?”

“Baby six months.”


“How about you dude? Married?”

“No I’m not married yet. But I like to fuck.”

He said that with a smug on his face. We were all of course dumbfucked with what he said. Talk about coherence. I mean, of course it is normal for everyone to like having sex in the literal sense. But you don’t just simply disclaim publicly that you ‘like to fuck’. It just ain’t right. It’s a mutual understandable thing, you don’t have to say it out loud.

Then as if we’re not clear enough, TongHai further gesticulated with his hands to emphasize his point, by vellicating his index finger into the ring of an ‘OK’ sign made by the alternate hand, and reiterated… loudly…

“I love fucking. Fucking is awesome.”

More handsigns followed. He continued to babble about ‘cheap chicks in good packages’ at some outlets that he had been frequenting and then he meticulously listed the prices for various samples of good ‘stocks’ he had ‘inspected’ before. Simply unbelievable. He sounded like a prospective pimp promoting vice tourism for the whole fucking Penang! Goddamn! Ok, either that, or he sounded like a really slow witted kid who had just discovered the sexual capability of his own genital and unable contain his excitement about it.

All the while, the 3 of us just nodded and pretended to be thrilled by his profound knowledge on where to get the best quickie for the lowest price in town. But actually, we’re more like… amazed, on the kind of injustices alcohol could do to a person’s wit, by diluting his senses and screwing up his logics. Who knows, maybe TongHai isn’t really a whorehound. Maybe he just wanted to boast in front of his friends, or in this case, distant friends. (But then, the price he quoted sounded kinda realistic so, I guess he’s really into fucking public toilets… I mean, prostitutes.)

But really, who cares. Just as long as he doesn’t rape farm animals out of desperation or participate in illegal motorcycle racing endangering the public, he can basically do whatever he wants.

So we kinda listened at our long lost friend doing a monologue detailing his fetish for illegal foreign prostitutes, chugging down beer as he dramatically flailed his arms to articulate certain important points… and watching him inebriating himself away into the night…

That was how the missing years of our friendship came to be – it’s all about shoving his dick into some pay-per-session cunts. Dirty old TongHai.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

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