don’t call us, and fuck off
1) I called your lab extension but nobody answered. Is the phone not working or are you guys just a plain bunch of delinquent farts?
We’re a plain bunch of delinquent farts. We’re not answering any phone calls in the lab. Not unless if it’s something urgent.
2) How do you know whether it’s something urgent if you’re not answering the phone to find out?
We have this telephatic ability that allows us to link our brainwaves to the caller’s and assess, whether his/her business is for real. (hint: we have working cellphones)
3) Alright, so I’m suppose to call your cellphone if it’s something urgent. But what if I don’t know your cellphone number, Einstein?
Well, you can ask around the office… or your mom… or even your neighbours’ dogs… I don’t really care. JUST. FIND. THE FUCK. OUT.
4) What if it’s your boss calling?
Oooh I’m so fucking scared. Nope. Not going to answer.
5) Ok ok I got it. But may I ask why the sudden change in policy?
That’s because we’re sick of answering calls from idiots and dolts like you. Period.
6) If you’re sick of answering calls, why are you redirecting them to your cellphone? Technically, you’re still answering phone calls.
Simple, my cellphone has an ID recognition feature. If I see it’s coming from
a) identified idiots & dolts,
b) unidentified callers,
c) you,
I can always reject it. And I don’t have to walk that far. It’s conveniently located inside my pocket.
7) Then why bother having a phone inside your lab? Might as well cut it off.
The phone stays for a reason (hint: I said we are not taking incoming calls. But I didn’t say we are not making any OUTGOING calls). Besides, it’s really fun seeing people getting piss ass desperate when their calls gone unanswered for the whole day. (they’d just plod over to our lab only to find us relaxing inside…)
What if I keep calling the whole day? It’ll annoy the fuck out of you people inside the lab, ha ha.
Yeah, I’d probably answer. Keep trying. (hint: we did something to the volume)
Life is definitely easier without a ringing phone.