November 22, 2006

memo : workplace decorations

I received this work memo in my mailbox today:

To : ‘Company X’ employees
From : ‘Company X’ Facilities Team
RE: Guidelines pertaining to Workplace decorations

As Christmas and New Year Celebrations are nearing, there are many employees will be eagerly wanting to put up Christmas and New Year decorations in and around the office space. Please take note there are a few guidelines that need to be adhered to. Attached with this email are 2 corporate guidelines for your reference [see below]. These guidelines for the workplace decorations and non-business equipment in the workplace are provided to all for your reference. Please be reminded that these are corporate guidelines and must be adhered to strictly. Non compliance will have these items removed from the office space and cubicles.

If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to send your questions to [‘Company X’ Facilities email].

Once again lets work together towards a better working environment.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Regards,
‘Company X’ Facilities.

attachment:
THE ENFORCEMENT OF WORKPLACE DECORATION GUIDELINES IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ALL ‘COMPANY X’ MANAGERS.

Workplace decorations should NOT:
– Include decorative lighting (e.g. Christmas lights, neon signage, etc.).
– Include table lamps or other non-approved lamp and lighting fixtures.
– Emit noises or sounds that create distractions for co-workers or customers.
– Block thermostats, air conditioning vents, or light fixtures.
– Be hung from the windows, doors, hard wall surfaces, ceiling grid, light fixtures or sprinkler heads, either for promotional or personal reasons.
– Block or impede access to fire extinguishers or other life/safety equipment.
– Block aisles and corridors.
– Utilize any type of confetti.
– Utilize helium balloons.
– Utilize lit candles or open flames of any kind.
– Encroach or infringe upon those who choose not to participate.
– Extend vertically above employee workstations.
– Utilize adhesive tape or stickers on walls, columns, doors, windows or furniture.

Decorations used in celebrations or recognition should be promptly removed immediately following the event (for example; sales events, birthdays, etc). Only ‘Company X’ Facilities approved artwork is permitted to be displayed, mounted, hung or placed on hard wall surfaces including, but not limited to conference rooms, aisles, hallways, team rooms, labs and general common areas. Artwork includes framed and non-framed items including photography, poster art, prints, originals, banners or other visual paraphernalia for display purposes.

Employees should refrain from placing decorative items including flowers, plants, photographs and promotional items on top of systems furniture components such as overhead units and panel walls. Only ‘Company X’ related visual aids, such as ‘Campaign X’ or ‘Campaign Y’ pendants, should extend above the workstation. The display of department identification signage from the ceiling grid is acceptable. All signage must be approved and mounted by the Facilities department using Facilities approved hanging methods and hardware. Departments should submit a Facilities Service Request for this service.

Word count: more than 460 words.

I can do better than that. Here’s MichaelOoi.net’s way of conveying the same message :

To : ‘Company X’ employees
From : MichaelOoi.net
RE: Guidelines for Workplace decorations

Decorations are fucking prohibited. Period.

Regards,
MichaelOoi.net

Word count: less than 10

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

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