November 9, 2006

skeleton in the closet

I was hanging out with Ken at my office cube today, when Ken’s wandering hands stumbled upon a piece of priceless archeological artifact. It was found lying on top of a document tray at Elliot’s seedy cube (he’s now my cubical mate, remember?). It was a gospel scroll containing details of some very ancient language used by the neanderthals… I didn’t have a camera with me to share this historical find with you all, but I did the next best thing – I stole the artifact and brought it to another colleague of mine to scan it out instead. Here’s the picture of the sacred document:

Alright, I was just kidding about the gospel thing (if it isn’t that obvious to you), I have no means to disrespect to any of you religious cocksucker bigot out here.

That thing was actually a book. An English language revision book for 13 – 15 year olds (for you non-Malaysians who don’t know what a ‘PMR’ is). Do you see what’s coming already?

Ok, let me re-emphasize… English language revision book for 13 – 15 year olds. You know… those idiots with raging hormones and a face full of acnes? Teenagers. Form 1, 2 and 3 teenagers.

Now comes the million dollar question – what was this book doing inside Elliot’s cube? Elliot the grown-up’s cube? Elliot the ENGINEER… who had gone through high school presumably with enough credit to gain a place for him to enroll and complete his engineering degree… and subsequently, land a job in the multinational Company X as an, ENGINEER?

My reaction upon seeing that book was – “WHAT THE FUCKKKKK??????” [with my eyes wide open and mouth agape]. It was actually more dramatic than that. I kinda took the book, and paraded around the office to show my colleagues about the bizarre find.

“CAN YOU PEOPLE FUCKING BELIEVE THIS??? ELLIOT HASN’T ACTUALLY COMPLETED HIS HIGH SCHOOL!”

Well, that sort of explains everything isn’t it? The inability to think, the uncanny annoying behavior, hell… even the body odor. It was all because he has the mentality of a 13 year old. And because his brain hasn’t advanced like a normal person should, it kinda still malfunctionally instructs his glands to produce hormones by the buckets… and screws everything up.

But that’s just based on what we FOUND and SAW. Who knows, Elliot might have more skeletons hidden in his closet. Like a hospital receipt or something confirming that he had had some major cosmetic reconstruction surgery to hide his Down Syndrome condition, then applied for the post engineer at Company X with forged documents…
Far flung logic, but still a possibility.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 

41 Comments to “skeleton in the closet”

  1. Shar says:

    Ahahahah.
    MAYBE he’s just learning English. Now.

  2. strawroot says:

    What a discovery… of all reading materials in the world, an english book for PMR.. uh…

  3. deriku says:

    some so-called engineers in my company could definitely use one of those…

  4. bongkersz says:

    err.. maybe he’s giving tuition to those pmr kids?

  5. seremban engineer says:

    What the hell…………!!!!! I’m suspecting him even could not memorize A to Z. Goshhhhh, your company is hired PMR undergraduate student……..!!

  6. Danielle says:

    Aww that poor boy may just be so bad in English that he needs a reference or something.

  7. Chris says:

    Maybe he’s just giving some poor kid english lessons/tuition?..give tat guy some slack..OR maybe he is really as retarted as u say..*shocked!

  8. michaelooi says:

    Shar / danielle – Probably. But if that was the case, then how the fuck did he get his degree in engineering?

    strawroot – I wouldn’t be THAT surprised if that were to come from a production operator or perhaps a technician. But an ENGINEER… omfg

    deriku – Seriously, and the government is contemplating whether they should retain the use of English in Maths and Science at school…

    bongkersz / chris – Unlikely. This motherfucker would stay back till 10 – 11pm EVERYDAY, just because he couldn’t pull his shits together at work. He wouldn’t have enough time in a day to provide tuition. (and I doubted anyone would be dumb enough to let their kids learn English from Elliot… judging from the way he speaks)

    seremban engineer – That’s why I mentioned the ‘D’ word in the entry… the word that rhymes with ‘clown’…

  9. sooi2 says:

    aiya, ppl now only trying to find out wat fish n chips are made of…let him rilek a bit la,kakakah!

  10. Danielle says:

    Are you sure some of our political figures can speak good English? :)

  11. Silencers says:

    Keep searching and you might find “Fizik SPM”. No shit.

    Btw, I did your 4 meme :p

  12. lvd says:

    I got urs :P
    Michael Ooi
    Michael Ooi (michaelooi.net[a]gmail.com)
    26, Jalan Taik Ayam,
    Penang
    null,11700
    MY
    Tel. +60.41234567
    Fax. +60.41234567

    is it can get u on that number haha :P

  13. displeased says:

    michael, do u reckon u r so superior that you can write sth like this –

    …that he had had some major cosmetic reconstruction surgery to hide his Down Syndrome condition…

    and what gives u the right to look down on those people suffering from Down Syndrome?

  14. viv says:

    oh by the way, only malicious people has the need to moderate comments =)

  15. lvd says:

    i hope wat happen btwn me n Ms T u will not be involved..cos u dunno the head n tail btwn us. I dun wan to involved anyone..

  16. michaelooi says:

    sooi2 – hahh I remember that…

    danielle – I know, I’ve seen that qualification chain mail between singaporean ministers vs malaysian. I have no comment, bebeh… i have no comment. ;)

    silencers – Perhaps even nursery rhymes…

    displeased/viv (same person) – If you’re talking about ‘rights’, I definitely have them. But if you’re stressing on the moral grounds that I’m standing on, then of course I don’t really mean it. It’s only a rhetoric. (but what do retards like you know about rhetorics, since you can oh so easily conclude that people are BAAAAAD, simply because they moderate their commenting system)

    lvd/whatever – I suppose that’s smart… you need a degree for that?
    (if you’re trying to intimidate me, you gotta try waaaay harder than that)

  17. jane says:

    Mike, maybe he just needed a refresher course. People may have completed high school studies, but sometimes sure lack the ability to bring with them the knowledge… so now need refresher course. I’ve seen a father join in with his daughter at a theory lesson in driving. Go figure…

    eh lvd, you seem to be talking out of context, what’s this with Mike’s supposed address and what is going on with you and Ms T (who’s that anyway?). What’s the head and tail between you too? *getting curious*

    Oh yeah, if you don’t want to involve anyone, don’t post here in public la – you got a problem dunno how to settle in private issit?

    Weird sometimes these people… think just coz they have access to the Internet, that they have the rights to go everywhere and do anything as they please. Remember, you don’t own the Internet, and the Internet is for pr0n!

  18. lvd says:

    erm..i dun need anything from stranger..afterall qualification to me is nothing haha..

    intimidate–haha…oh is that the right word to use? hmm i juz hope u(someone i dunno) dun become the middle ppl of this..but if u choose u wan..den up to u …

    by the way juz tell Ms. T not brave enuf to publish comments…is like a tortoise forever stay in the shell hehe..

  19. lvd says:

    Jane is it…hmm in fact michael will know y i m here….erm…ya i dun wan to involve anyone but anyone wan to involve in my problem. ur THESE ppl referring to me ah..i’m not talking abt Internet thingy..but anyway thanks for ur effort to comment on wat I commented

  20. michaelooi says:

    lvd – don’t worry. I’m not trying to become the ‘middle peepel’ between you and Titoki. You must be too full of your own boobs to be assuming that. If you have a personal vendetta against Titoki, you should perhaps send her emails instead of making incoherent points inside her blog (and my blog) with half assed elementary English and duly get yourself censored in the process (though not in my blog).

  21. SPCA says:

    Miss Titoki, please secure a leash on your estrus bitch. She is starting to annoy the public.

  22. lvd says:

    there is always a reason to exist in tat particular place. Censored..i dun need any but wonder y ppl doing it. erm wat u mean by “HALF ASSED ELEMENTARY ENGLISH’..anyway not important. Like wat ur frend said dun like juz delete..i tot both of u practising the same thing..??? Anyway..tis will be my last comment in ur blog. No hard feeling as i dunno u..;)

  23. michaelooi says:

    lvd – “HALF ASSED ELEMENTARY ENGLISH” meanz u r veli smart and fidel castro likes u. (fidel castro ees a veli hensem korean soap star)

    no hard feelingz. u can drop by here anytime u want. babais.

  24. lvd says:

    eh..Fidel Castro not bad..very leng chai.
    but wat is babais?

  25. michaelooi says:

    lvd – babais is a local chinook slang for teabagging… you know what’s a teabagging? That’s when your communist leng chai admirer brushes his corrugated and sagging nutsack against your face.

  26. lvd says:

    thanks for ur effort of cfs…ermm…sorry to take too much of ur time n space haha

  27. SPCA says:

    “Anyway..tis will be my last comment in ur blog.”

    Estrus bitch and her lax cunt.

  28. viv says:

    now you are a retard for calling me a retard, aren’t you? Eh that’s a rhetorical question. you don’t hv to answer that. ahuh, i’m calling u a retard for ur assumption that i don’t know what rhetoric is; same like how i assume using a moderating system coins a malicious person. i hope u know ur english is not superior. having bombastic words and jargons in ur entry doesn’t make you superior. now and then i can even spot simple grammatical flaws.

    ah and before u ask me not to read ur blog if i’m so displeased by it, i’ll be the initiative one to leave. =)

  29. michaelooi says:

    viv – well, that was just the good old me letting you taste your own medicine, fitch. (that’s the short form for ‘fucking-bitch’ – another ‘bombastic’ word for you to learn today).

    And you know what, the last sentence of your’s was a gem. It just shows how much of an ass you are.

    Have a nice journey in afterlife.

  30. vincent says:

    Ahaks! Dude, some of your commentors need that PMR book as well.

  31. ….or he is related to company X’s boss or he has a naked picture of company X’s boss.

    Think about that Michael. ;)

  32. bongkersz says:

    hehe.. another interesting creature spamming the comment box.

  33. lvd says:

    SPCA- This statement “Anyway..tis will be my last comment in ur blog(lvd)” happens before “u can drop by here anytime u want(by MO)”. If the owner of the blog isn’t sincere on the statement he type den dun try to be nice…but I took it as he is sincerely meant what he type. If u dun like it..u can ask him to delete wat i commented ;)

  34. michaelooi says:

    vincent – … AND… lobotomy. ;)

    rasa malaysia – That’s kinky… heheh. But I don’t want to find out… ahaks

    bongkersz – I wouldn’t call them ‘interesting’. Eccentric maybe… or fucked up… or whatever that comes in between…

    lvd – Why… of course I’m sincere! And I’m flattered that you’re still here!

  35. lvd says:

    erm..michael that statement is for SPCA hehe..not for u kekee :P

  36. lvd says:

    SPCA “Estrus bitch and her lax cunt.” tis statement suit u more than me..and i m not a bitch.. :P maybe u r

  37. ds says:

    how many last visits will u be having from this fitch mike? i’m gonna pop some pcorn and set to auto refresh. *props legs up*

  38. Shar says:

    Wow. Few days I go away sudah banyak drama.
    Michael, mayb that degree he beli from http://www.belilahdegreeanda.com

  39. lvd says:

    erm..ds r u talking abt me? I dun restrict by numbers haha..seems like the owner of the blog don’t restrict me to come n visit too :P no meh?

  40. Nicevil says:

    People are politically correct in real life. Good manners. They don’t shit in a bush. That’s good.

    But when they go into the blogging world and still their politically correct chain limits their mind, that’s not very good.

    It’s a blog. People can express what they want, in anyway they want. It’s their own point of view, can’t you respect that ? Can’t you open your mind ? Wake up. And kill that inner goody pussy within you with a saw.

    Oh michael, I actually sense that Elliot might be a genius actually. (ma balls r tingling)

    Ever thought that maybe he predicted that you might find this book and make fun about this issue, making you seem the more immature ape ?

    I quote,

    “I paraded around the office to show my colleagues about the bizarre find.”

    Beware. My tingling balls is rarely wrong.
    Hehehehhe.

  41. michaelooi says:

    nic – Yeah, so much for the ‘genius’ who couldn’t figure out exactly what fish-n-chips are made of…

    You know, your tingling balls could be a genius too…

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