October 23, 2006

bank officer lashing therapy

*long post, don’t bitch*

I was crudely awakened from my afternoon nap by a phone call. It was a guy who claimed that he was a property valuer of some sort and was sent by the bank yadda yadda yadda. I was still groggy from the sleep and couldn’t make out much of the stuffs he said. So I just babbled something incoherent just to confuse that guy. The guy then requested for a convenient time so that he could drop by to take some photographs of my apartment. (which then, I realized that it was about the homeloan refinancing thingy that both Emily and I have been dealing with recently…)

That was when I woke up and went “Whoaaa wait a minute”. Like, how come I wasn’t informed about such arrangement by the bank before? What if this whole thing’s a gyp and that ‘valuer’ turns out to be some sex deprived terrorist who’s gonna ass rape me and my furniture? I didn’t like it at all. So I requested the valuer, to ask the bank to call me instead. Just as an assurance that the whole deal’s for real. (you can’t be too careful nowadays)

5 minutes later, the mortgage guy from the bank called. Let’s call him Spark (after my colleague’s dog) for convenience’ sake. A little background description about Spark – he’s an asshole. A quick talking lanky dude who sports a geeky look with zits scattered all over his face. Prior signing our loan agreement, he had been a servile professional with 5 star services. But after we signed the agreement, he sort of… disappeared. Emily called Spark last week to check on the status, and she was lashed with a rather sarcastic remark from him – that he didn’t update us on the progress because there hadn’t been any progress. Like I said, he’s an asshole.

Now, back to Spark’s phone call. I was still very riled up about my unsuccessful attempt to get a decent nap. Suffice to say, he called in at a very wrong time. When I answered the phone, Spark purged me a long ass spiel about the whole deal, which again, I tried to hearken but with no success. I had to cut him short by stopping him halfway, got myself together and asked him this

Me : “So what do you guys want? Why haven’t we been told about this before?”

Spark : “No I’ve already told you about this before bla bla bla” [my attention starts to fade…]

Me : “No, Spark. You didn’t inform me. I’m very sure about this.”

Spark : “I’ve told your missus when I explained about the policy bla bla bla” [my attention fades again… he spoke too fast…]

He might have told Emily about this. But I’m not surprised if Emily didn’t hear him. This guy’s like a verbal minigun. I could hardly catch his words.

Me : “No. No, Spark. We wouldn’t have asked you to call if we’re aware about this. Anyway, what is this all about?”

Spark : “Mr.Ooi, I’m very sure I’ve already told your missus about this. The valuer is not here to ask for money and you don’t have to pay anything for this…”

I snapped. Spark made 3 big mistakes.

1) He failed to realize that the customer’s always right. I’m his customer. If I said he didn’t do something, he should apologize and do it. The key thing is, apologize and move on.

2) He made a sarcastic remark. Never be sarcastic to your customer. Never bite the hand that feeds you. And the issue is very evidently clear, that it wasn’t all about money. It’s about uninformed arrangements.

3) He addressed me wrongly. I don’t like to be addressed as Mr.Ooi. It makes me feel old. He could have called me brother, or messiah, I don’t fucking care.

I lost my head and started to berate him like a madman. I don’t quite remember what I shouted on the phone but, I could telepathically sense through that headset that he was bewildered about my sudden display of hostility towards him. At one point of the highly charged verbal castigation, he tried to justify his undoings:

Spark : “But I really did tell your missus about this before and…”

Me : “Look Spark. Those are verbal. You can’t expect everyone to remember everything you said. Especially when you always speak so fast and so eloquent, so goddamn intelligent like that. What I ask from you, is that.. you could have informed us on anything in advance… is that so hard to expect from you?”

Spark : “I apologize Mr.Ooi, I didn’t mean to…”

Me : “It doesn’t matter anymore. It won’t change the fact that I don’t like you. And your smart ass sarcastic ‘money’ remark. You do know what ‘sarcastic’ means, right?”

Spark : “Yes I do…”

Me : “Good! Well, I don’t appreciate it at all. You be careful with what you say next time, you hear me? Or I’m gonna cancel the refinancing.”

And he kept apologizing after that, and I kept clobbering him with words that he probably never heard in his life before. And when everything was cooled down enough, he made a little request:

Spark : “Errmm Mr.Ooi, I also need to highlight something about your quit rent. If it’s not too inconvenient for you, would you please get us a copy with the management stamp on it, or do you prefer me to do it for you?”

The hell I know what the fuck is a ‘quit rent’.

Me : “You see… Spark, I have a baby at home, and I’m a very very busy guy. Just like you, Spark. The only difference is, you’re busy serving your customers’ asses and I’m busy serving my baby’s ass. You got me?”

Spark : “I understand, Mr.Ooi. I’ll do it myself”

Yeah, I’m his customer, he should serve my ass. That’s why he was hired by the bank in the first place.

You see, people. It only takes some common sense to do your work sometimes. Had Spark used a little bit of his, he would have saved himself some scoldings from an unscrupulous client like me. (you guys should do this sometimes, it’s really fun trashing up bank officers… therapeutic too)

He later thanked me for the ‘feedbacks’ and fucked off.

michaelooi  | phonecalls  | 

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