Remember John? The callow technician whose IQ is equivalent to a box of rocks? Or less? Well, he’s now in UK studying Engineering of some sort. Yes, he’s not working for Company X anymore (I’ve briefly blogged about it here).
A couple nights ago, he messaged me through MSN Messenger. Wanted to consult me about his latest engineering project. Here’s the transcript
John : Michael
me : hey john
John : how are you?
me : fine i guess. are you in UK now?
John : yes. i need some idea from u…. about a robotic arm project…
He lengthily described about an assignment of his that involves the use of a robotic arm, and that his lecturer wanted him to think of something that can make a good use of that doohickey. But he didn’t cover a lot of essential details about that project and wanted me to shed some lights for him…
me : you could have googled it instead of asking me… you know… you’ll yield more results that way….
John : i already searched for a few days, still no idea
Situation assessment – A freshie engineering student consults an experienced engineer about an engineering assignment. Should the seasoned erudite engineer bequeath his knowledge to the young padawan? Most certainly fair for him to do so. It’s what he knows best.
So, the veteran engineer decides to altruistically impart his knowledge for the good of humanity…
me : if you were to ask me, i’d say build a robotic arm to masturbate a man’s dick. you know, just a firm rubber grip, that could repeatedly jerk itself mad.
John : hahaha
me : maybe hook up a few probes to measure the body temp and heartbeat…. and if those data translates to an increased hormonal imbalance, then jerk faster. i’m sure your lab professor will like it. so are you building one or are you gonna write a thesis about it?
John : no, i already got the robotic arm, just want to know what i can do using this 2 robotic arms
me : Oh you have TWO arms! well, you can use the other one to twist your own nipple… or perhaps to cup your nutsack, while the other one is busy with the wanking
John : but if really want to built that, it’ll cost alot =.=
me : desperate men will pay anything for a good toy …. your uni didn’t teach you that? what the fuck dude
John : =.=”"
How about that people? A high tech robotic arm that can fulfill a man’s need indoor (well, extend a cord out, and you can even make it outdoor). If you think that invention is too self centered, then perhaps it can be utilized at sperm banks… It’ll milk sperms out of willing donors at an unprecedented pace and uniformity.
If John could make this thing happen, he’d sure become the most popular guy in the campus. Just hope that his machine works as expected, and doesn’t rip off somebody’s wiener instead.
[if you guys have any ideas that you want to share with John, feel free to 'ejaculate' your suggestion in the commenting system below.]
LMAO. Great idea though, but why are there cords? Cordless=better :D
I think 2 robotic arms to stimulate the female genatalia is more practical. A guy’s sexual organ is pretty simple to stimulate, just jerk it up and down. Heck, one hand should be sufficient to achieve that in 2-3 minutes tops. Don’t think you need a pair of robotic arm.
The female sexual aparatus, on the other hand, is more complex. A first timer could get lost down there. You could have a pair of robotic arm working in tandem. The 3 fingers on the first hand works on the clit, vagina and anus simultaneously. The second arm works on the breasts.
I think most men are at a total loss when it comes to the correct technique to stimulate their partners. Hence, women always comnplain that their partners ejaculate too fast, leaving them high and dry. Automating the process through the pair of robotic arms might just help to solve that problem, and save the guy a lot of manual work, embarassment and complaints from their women !!!!
gosh… you’re awesome!!
too risky…the robotic arms might use too much of a force and pull out the precious rod instead. gd luck to him in finding a volunteer for the prototype.
ray – Batteries aren’t very safe nowadays. Just ask yourself, do you want that very same robotic arm which is holding your dick, to suddenly heat up and catch fire? That answers it.
arkane – They already have vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, pillows, bolsters, pet dogs and cellphones. Why would they need another robotic arm lah…
rootified – I know. ; )
sooi2 – Sensors are very advanced nowadays. If it can help you blind girls to reverse a fucking car into a carpark lot, then there’s no reason that it couldn’t guide our sperms to stampede out of the tubular building. (and this arm will be… no shit… wayyyy more awesome than that stupid iGallop thing)
Yeah, I know they already have a lot of paraphernalia like vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, etc, but they work in isolation and they can’t be programmed to automatically respond according to the situation. The robotic arms is a breakthrough in the sense that they can be programmed to be an all-in-one apparatus working in perfect sync towards orgasm. Sync is the key word for the female orgasm to happen, which, compared to the male orgasm is markedly harder to achieve.
Yea, Japan’s technology allows robotic arm to kapik tofu using chopstick without destroying it.
But make sure the arm has some password protection system to prevent second/third/strange party from using it.
Using machines for sexual pleasure? You guys have no class.
I’d use the robotic arms to beat the shit out of people I don’t like, that’s for sure.
i suggest an anti-theft system for this next best selling electronic device. a man in possession of such a fine piece of equipment would undoubtedly attract alot of unwanted attention by his fellow female deprived cohorts. you dont want this baby to be shaking another man’s member do you? so, soup it up with a 50k volt shocker that will burn any sausage to charcoal. sweet.
Heard of the Fleshlight before? You can replace the sloppy rubber grip with one of those silicone artificial pussies.
The other arm should have properly attenuated digits to begin the stimulation. Preferable each digit has a small valve to secrete some lube through its ‘fingertips’ or ‘palm’.
Of course, a small vibration mechanism on both arms wouldn’t hurt. As a little bonus, he can remotely sync it to a PC or DVD player that plays a pron movie. While collcting data of the user’s hormones [via the probes you suggested] as well as the progress of the video, it will vary its ‘jacking’ speed accordingly.
arkane – Ermmm dude. There are many of us still prefer manual labour with the girls. If any robotic arm was to ever take over our roles, then what are we going to fuck? Goats aa? It’ll be the end of humanity lar weiii (you know, in case they got too obsessed with that seemingly impeccable mechanical contraption…)
100 – Passwords ain’t gonna cut it alone. We’ll need a couple of bouncers to safeguard it… or perhaps like what Nicholas suggested above, rig the damn thing with a high voltage shocker.
unladen swallow – I don’t know about you pussies out there but, I sure can swat any stinking assholes with my bare hands… who needs a robot?
nicholas – Hmmm maybe we can even think of attaching the robotic jack-off arms to attach to our abs like that Spiderman villain Doctor Octopus, so that we’d get ‘things’ done wherever & whenever we need it…. hoooo boy
silencers – Now that’s what I’m talking about… brainstorming session… with the professionals… silicone pussies at the end of a robotic arm, who would have thought of that? Aisehman!
Robots to help men masturbate like that already exist. It’s just that you never realized it.
To masturbate a man’s dick, you can actually use various household appliances. Vacuum cleaner, portable vacuum, washing machine, blender and anything else you can imagine that might stimulate movement.
Oh, the toilet bowl flushing mechanism can be quite fulfilling too. :)
Nic, those are household appliances. You don’t fuck household appliances. That’s because it is not normal.
-__-”
So it’s okay to fuck the prettiest sexiest robot female machine equipped with the best fucking technology…. eventhough it is still a machine like household appliances ?
Is that normal ? :)
nic – ermmmm… yes? ;)