September 29, 2006

my badass daughter

Emily and I brought Regine to the doctor for her routine checkup yesterday morning. The doctor took a few flips on her records, and found that she has a few overdued vaccinations (or something) and suggested for her to have one of the injections.

That came to us rather unexpectedly, since my mom was away for vacation, it would be hard for both of us inexperienced goofs to handle an upset baby at home. You know, them kids are always upset after an injection. They create nightmares out of thin air.

But neither of us said anything about it… and the doctor sort of went ahead with the plan.

He then examined Regine with a stethoscope, lifted her next to an elevated platform and stripped her naked to have her weight taken. But before he put her bare-ass onto the scale, he made his biggest mistake of the day with this flippant remark –

“Ooohhhh you’re such a BIIIIIGGGGGG baby!” [while having his eyes locked at her nether region]

Now, there are certain things in life that we men shouldn’t say, EVARRR, in front of a woman. And complimenting their weight is one of them. (if you haven’t already known this, then blessed be thee for reading this entry).

The doctor’s fate was sealed from that moment on. Little did he know that, Regine, though still an infant, has already developed the intrinsic reflex mechanism to react to such ‘forbidden’ remark. She peed on his scale. That’s right. She has not learned how to speak, nor fully mastered the motor skill to flip him a bird yet. So she did what she was capable of – she frigging sloshed him some warm chrysanthemum tea… right in front of him, onto his scale.

It startled the doctor alright, but it did nothing to his faith as a medical practitioner. The whole thing looked more like an amusing episode for the doctor and the rest of us, but deep inside me, I knew that wasn’t the light that my Regine wanted to portray. Being her daddy, we sort of share the same frequency wavelength that gives me the ability to emphatically decipher every of her action that may construe certain message… (for instance, when she waves both her hands in a random motion, it means that she wanted me to hoover a piece of mooncake on behalf of her…)

That morning, she was asking all of us to leave her weight issue out of our daily discussions. And she’s serious about it.

To underline the message clearer, she just stared squarely at us when the injection was being jabbed onto her thigh, without emitting a single yelp. That mean, not-to-be-reckoned-with, cold hard stare. It freaked me out so much, that I temporarily lost my appetite for mooncakes. o_O

So, as you can see, it is imperative for us guys to practice some discretion whenever we ‘compliment’ about a person’s physical condition. Especially on a female subject. If you have an opinion about her weight, keep it within yourself. If you need to express it, do it in front of your trusted buddies. Don’t do it in front of her. If you need to do it anyway, make sure you veil it up with plenty of hidden references and then leave. That is to buy you enough time to leave to a safe distance before she figures them out.

I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Regine were to be 18 years older than her current age. The clinic would have reduced to a pile of rubble, no shit…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 

The commenting function has been disabled.