September 18, 2006

how would you like your gender, sir?

I was minding my own business, when Emily suddenly asked me this

Emily : “Dear, if you get to be reborn into this world and start all over again, would you still want to be a male? Or do you want to be a female?”

Me : “No doubt, a male of course.”

Emily : “Yeah me too. If I get to choose my gender, I would definitely choose to be a guy. So, what makes you think being a girl’s so bad?”

Simple, I said. It sucks being a girl.

First, you have more sex organs to manage. A rack and a patch of furry beaver. The rack, if it’s too big, it is going to be very cumbersome. You’re going to get your agility affected. If it is too small, you’re going to lose shitloads of confidence. And for all the troubles, you don’t get to use them. They’re for your kids, who are going to suck them till they become 2 deflated pieces of sloppy skin. And for your guy partners who are going to knead them till they go purple. Funbags, they call them. You’re like, born to do charity against your own will. No good.

That furry patch of beaver, it may look like it’s damn simple like that, but deep inside, is an entanglement of biological mess. You have the fallopian tubes, and those microscopic little hernias sticking out here and there. And they fucking rot every goddamned month. When they rot, you have to bleed for a few days. And during this period, you would basically go out of your mind and blame everyone for everything – all the while riding on that uncomfortable piece of bloody pad.

But then, I’m also aware of the multi orgasm feature that comes with that set of complex device. It’s the plus side of being a female. But the 9 months of getting knocked up and labor pain is a total turn-off for me. And this totally eclipses the whole orgasm deal here. Definitely no good. And those thingamajigs, will get obsolete when you go post 40, post the average reproduction stage. By then, they would just stay static inside there and putrefy into cancer cells. No good no good.

Secondly, you also will have an intricate assortment of hormones to contend with. I ain’t a doctor or a med student, but judging from the volatile temperament that I’ve seen on a lot of females, I reckon that there must be a few gazillion types of hormones flowing inside their body. Innumerable, basically. Because of that, you are likely to feel horny most of the time. You will need dildos, battery operated butt plugs, Estee Lauder youth potions, 500 bucks lipsticks to look like a mutated insect, ridiculous looking expensive handbags, dangerously unstable stilettos, list goes on… You just need to spend a hell lot more money to play the mating game… as opposed to us guys, who only need a hand to rectify our needs, a neat sturdy comb and a good smelling oil-free hair cream to rejuvenate our charm. Spend more money = no good. We guys would rather spend it on a more expensive ester based engine oil, or perhaps a fancy piece of multi-tipped portable electronic screwdriver.

Thirdly, the convenience of going to a bathroom hygienically. The beef curtain is designed in such a way that one has to either squat or sit to streamline the piss towards the correct direction. I don’t like that design. It’s not practical. It takes too much time to look for a clean toilet seat, loose the garment and answer the call of nature. Those time can be very precious, especially when your bladder’s at the verge of exploding. Being a guy is definitely better. I just have to whip out my nozzle, and gush. Anywhere. It doesn’t matter where because there will be no contact between any exposed part of my body to any part of the loo. I’m always clean and I can do it real fast.

So, there… as you can see it through my mind – why would I still choose to be a guy. I’d rather work for the rest of my life and feed my girl plenty of love at all cost, rather than to go through all the troubles just for that multi orgasm perk (which one gets to probably enjoy only for the first 40 years of her life). Being a girl is just too complex for me. I want something simpler, like being a guy.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

21 Comments to “how would you like your gender, sir?”

  1. dsaint says:

    where got first 40 years? at least 12-40 kua. autoerotism meh?

  2. evil_gal says:

    Being a male have more advantage than a girl. At least, I can go out without the fear of getting rape. pffft.

  3. YKH says:

    Estee Lauder, yes, 500 bucks lipstick, yes,expensive handbags, yes…right…

    whose money, mike?

  4. AverDim says:

    i’m drinking to that.

  5. michaelooi says:

    dsaint – Thanks for the correction, doctor.
    *People, my friend dSaint here has a PhD in Gynaecology, whilst I only have a Master. Therefore, you people ought to believe him more…

    inevitable – Great minds think alike

    evil_gal – Oh girl, if only you knew… but I ain’t gonna tell you. If you’re meticulous enough, you should have remembered that I have actually blogged about a ‘near-rape’ incident that happened to a guy friend of mine….

    YKH – OMG, you mean, you’re still paying it for your girl?? DUUUUDE! It’s the 21st century now! The dutch had taken over the world long time ago!

    Averdim – You already are…

  6. Nicevil says:

    I have seen with my own eyeballs that a lot of guys would choose to be a girl if they were given a chance.

    It was in another world. A simulation of life and society itself. It was an online game.

    Why, would any rational man sacrifice their precious joysticks ?? Not to mention the two sets of balls.

    Because a girl can easily screw a guy. In the sense of material possessions. I mean, a beautiful girl can get pretty much anything they want in the world.

    You might say it was just a game, not an accurate representation of the game.

    But there are evidence of this in the real world.

    Like some of those (males that sex-changed to females) artists and actors in Korea. People actually adore them.

  7. michaelooi says:

    nicevil – That’s because it’s so much easier in a computer game. They FANTASIZE to be a girl, probably as an outlet to vent the frets that they had begotten from a girl. As for those transgenders, those are just cosmetics. They don’t get to menstruate or get pregnant. And certainly, they don’t have those hormones. They didn’t ACTUALLY get the whole package.

    oliviasy – Just born as a guy lar

    arkane – That’s not what i think. You guys got screwed because you let them do it. You enjoyed the screwing. It’s the weird side of a successful relationship. But for girls, most of them take it personally. Imagine, they have to actually nag someone just to take a pee, while we guys would just trigger happy with our dickheads. See? You need to see the whole thing in a wider perspective.

  8. oliviasy says:

    *koff* interesting analogy. i just hope my nxt life, i get a stronger set of lungs so i dun hvta cough so much!

  9. Arkane says:

    I agree with Nicevil.

    Girls have a complex set of sexual organs which they can put to good use to screw a guy (and I don’t mean having sex with them). Think about it, why are most guys working their butts off. To satisfy their bitches, that’s why. I mean, how often you heard a guy say, “Oh, I worked an extra 40 hours of overtime this month so that i can get myself that nice plasma 42″ TV with sorround sound system”. Yeah right.

    Girls go crazy approximately once in every 28 days. However, who suffers ? Hey, mental patients don’t suffer. In fact, they remain in a state of eternal happiness. It’s guys around them who suffer.

    Girls need more effort to go to the loo, but the effort doesn’t come from them. All they have to do is nag the guy. “Why can’t you clean up after you pee”, “Why can’t you leave the toilet seat up”, “Why can’t you aim that fire hose of yours properly”, “Why don’t you help to scrub the bathroom today instead of fiddling around with that stupid gadget of yours”. Eventually the guy will double up as the toilet cleaner and make sure the loo is in pristine condition for the girl’s use.

  10. Silencers says:

    Amen, brother. I was just waiting for someone to bring up exactly those points [especially the rotting part].

  11. passer by says:

    interesting topic…but i’d still choose to be a girl…for all the sacrifices that guys don’t seem to want to make, there’s one thing you (perhaps, we) should acknowledge, the wonders and miracles of giving birth to a baby. and that makes up for everything…don’t you think so? =) you may argue that guys have their contributions in bringing a life to this world, but mother and child bond can never be lesser than a miracle. so girls, take pride of being girls…because you are simply irresistable!!! :P

  12. titoki says:

    Do you need to write out so many pointers to convince yourself that you don’t wanna be a girl in your next life?

    As if you have an option to choose liddat. LOL

  13. Yin says:

    Michael, really, I love being a girl and would choose it again in a second. It’s all about manipulation, man. Lol… actually, there’s nothing more fun than being a self-sufficient girl in today’s world. Schools give us preference because they want an “equal” enviornment. Same for the work place. Now I’m not saying that it’s fair, eg. Panda.. etc. But is sure is pleasant. :)

    Not only that, with today’s technology and cosmetics, even the ugliest girl is almost certain to get laid… but if you’re a guy… well, good luck. Lol, speaking of multiple orgasms, haha!!

  14. Nicevil says:

    This is my reply of your comment of my comment.

    I was focusing on the benefits of being a girl or a boy, in the real world.

    (Michael : That’s because it’s so much easier in a computer game. They FANTASIZE to be a girl, probably as an outlet to vent the frets that they had begotten from a girl.)

    Maybe. But the popular reason is to get cash and treasures from real unsuspecting boys. I’ve seen it in action. (cybercafe) Felt like vomitting afterwards.

    (Michael : As for those transgenders, those are just cosmetics. They don’t get to menstruate or get pregnant. And certainly, they don’t have those hormones. They didn’t ACTUALLY get the whole package.)

    So the transgender(male to female) didn’t get the whole package.(hormones and shit) Wouldn’t that make them even more superior to females ? Michael, Michael, what the hell are you trying to imply here ???

    If a guy were to meet this transgender who looks more beautiful than the average normal girl, he wouldn’t know the TRUTH.
    And he would actually think this transgender is his perfect soulmate, since the transgender doesn’t have any crazy hormones, and have full set of boobs and curves ???
    I’m talking about a small percentage of transgenders who doesn’t look like shit.

    That guy will have a big suprise during the wedding night.

    Your whole post were about choosing whether you want to be a male or female. Eventhough you reiterate the point that you, the male will be a male again if you had a choice, the proof of the real world is contradictory.

    Ever heard of a girl who sex-changed to a male ?
    There are more males that sex-change into females.

    Girls screw the hell out of men, dude.
    Be afraid.
    And Shemales fuck the hell out of men.
    Be very afraid.

    By the way, I’m not a fucking shemale, damn you to hell for thinking that.

  15. michaelooi says:

    Nic
    You totally didn’t get me do ya? I was saying, those guys who thought they’ve became a woman, are wrong. Why? That’s because they did not. They’re just transgenders. The fact is, they wanted to LOOK and BE TREATED like a woman. They don’t want to be a REAL woman. (It’s much easier to be a transgender than to be a real woman. A real woman is much more complex and has more problems to reckon with.) Get me now?

    As for the ‘benefit’ that you’ve mentioned, you think being a female is better because you’ve seen unscrupulous bitches screwing off men (off their wealth and belongings). But I see that as an incoherent point – since I’ve also seen men did the same to women. *shrugs*

    Anyway, it’s just opinions. It wouldn’t have made any difference if we were to debate until the cows come home. The truth is out there. Just open your eyes wider and look carefully lah…

  16. Angeleyes says:

    wooooo… hot topic!
    Let me say my piece… the ironic thing is… the more you don’t want to be, them more chances of it, is going to happen…
    So, if you wish not to be a girl in your next life, it is more likely you gonna be one! *hiakz*
    If everyone wanna be a guy, then in the future there will be no more girls and no more reproduction… men married men??? yuckz!

  17. tyra says:

    depends on one’s hormones? my cousin juz had a sex change from male to female & i havent seen her being so happy…

  18. Nicevil says:

    I see. Thanks for clarifying.

    The truth is out there…Just open my eyes wider and look carefully..huh..okay..Okay mic.

    I hope dicks are easily seen through skirts and the like. :)
    (I am not gay please read comments above)

  19. michaelooi says:

    angeleyes – If I ever become a woman in my next life, I’m going to treat men better and serve them chilled beer. *wink*

    tyra – ‘She’s happy because ‘she’ doesn’t have to go through stuffs like injeksi penyakit rubella, pap spear or shits like that. See my point?

    nic – Dude, you’re just too worried about girls lar. Relax man. Let them worry about you once a while. Ask for a massage, and then pork the daylights out of them… they’ll treat you better… (i know you’re not gay, i know i know)

  20. shen says:

    Michaelooi you can really write! great style, born to be a (male) blogger. Bloody hilarious! Thank YOU.

    p.s. Who says male can’t get raped…?

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