Remember the experiment that me and my colleague Wilson did to determine whether it is possible to triangulate a bluetooth signal of a hibernating notebook (with a cellphone)? (if you don’t, check out the findings inside this thread of comments here in this post).

We did it out of curiousity over some claims that notebook thieves are using this method to determine the presence of a notebook inside car trunks. Well, if you did follow the comments, you’ll know that it’s NOT POSSIBLE. That was only determined after the second isolated test, which was confirmed by my buddy Wilson. But my boss, we forgot to inform him about the finalized findings, and he went about telling the BIG BIG bosses about our experiment and how it is possible to scan a notebook inside a car trunk with a fucking cellphone - and credited the experiment to Wilson and I.

I was like “Oh shit” when I read that the security director was about to send out a formal memo to remind employees that ‘it is technically possible’ to detect a hibernating notebook with a fucking cellphone - which is as much mythical as a fluorescent dragon with a hexagon shaped testical. I had to send out an email to clarify the misunderstanding (my reputation’s on the line here bebeh)

Here’s my email to the big dawgs

*****

All
The previous experiment was botched. When we performed the experiment, we sort of received unwanted stray signals (as the experiment was performed inside the office).

Thanks.
Michael Ooi
Failure Analysis Engineer - [Company X].
Direct Line (office): [phone number]
Direct Line (lab) : [phone number]
Direct Fax: [fax number]
*”You don’t win friends with salad” — Homer Simpson*

*****

I don’t understand, why do people worry about thieves using gadgets to detect their notebook inside their car trunk, if they’re wise enough not to leave it inside there in the first place? Why can’t everyone make it a practice not to leave their notebooks inside their car trunk? It’s so simple, really. It astounds me about how our society works sometimes.

As read from TheStar this morning:

MCA leaders must copy the likes of Taiwanese pop star Jay Chou or even Superman if they want to attract younger members.
…
Citing popular artistes like Jay Chou or even fictional heroes like Superman, Wong said 80% of young people know of them and many dream of being one of them.

Many of these idols, like Superman, are heroes who appear just in the nick of time during difficult periods, said Wong, adding that party leaders could learn from them if they want to appeal to young people.

Of all people, Jay Chou. That chicken head Jay fucking Chou.

I was thinking, why not Mahatma Ghandi? Or Abraham Lincoln? Everyone knows them. Old and young. At least we know Ghandi doesn’t have hairstyle problems and Lincoln doesn’t publicly wear his underwear on the outside…

FUCKKK.

Ok, I’ve been berpuisi at DrLiew’s blog if you people haven’t noticed. And now that I find it hard to switch off the heat of it, I was thinking, what the heck, let’s puisi to the core of it.

So, sempena menyambut Hari Kebangsaan, marilah kita berpuisi beramai-ramai. Ia adalah lebih baik daripada melekat bendera di kereta anda.

Here’s some of the puisi we creative professionals have came up with … add yours if you think you can come up with more.

(it’s about a guy who got gonorrhea from some prostitutes and spread it to his wives back in his own home).

DrLiew:
Satu laki, bini dua,
Belum cukup, makan luar,
Talak pakai, topi keledar,
Sekarang bini, semua kena.

Lilian Chan
Apa dia kena doc?,
Tell all when you talk,
Kalau tidak,susah teka,
Satu hari rasa leka.

DrTamil
Kalau mahu makan luar,
Kena pakai topi keledar,
Nanti kote keluar nanah,
kena penyakit Syok Tapi Derita (STD).

DrLiew
Topi keledar, mesti dipakai,
Kalau tidak, kena AIDS pokkai;
Sendiri mati, memang mempersiasueykan,
Tapi kena sekeluarga, hamkachan!

MichaelOoi
butuh mahu gatai
tapi topi tak pakai
pundek kurap kasi sakai
sekeluarga hamkachan seipokkai

DrTamil
Kote baru panjang sejengkal,
Banyak main nak tunjuk jantan,
Kini semua dah mati akal,
Kena penyakit Akibat Iblis Dan Syaitan.

(Akibat Iblis Dan Syaitan = AIDS).

MichaelOoi
tengok puki,
buka pelikat,
syok sehari,
kesal sehayat

Majulah puisi untuk negara.

***
additionals :

MichaelOoi
monyet panjat pokok pisang,
rakus menjolok bagaikan binatang,
butuh botak dimasuk ke lubang,
dari pagi sampailah ke petang

Biji selasih ubi keladi,
selang sehari balik ke bini,
sudah beromen hendak lagi,
pundek bini ditibai bertubi

Anjing lapar makan nasi,
penyakit kelamin dah masuk puki,
sekarang bini sudah nak mati,
Sesal sekarang tak berguna lagi

MichaelOoi
nyamuk membiak di air tenang,
bulu berjuntai di bawah kotek,
pemuda selekeh pada zaman sekarang,
malas bekerja selalu kongkek

MichaelOoi
kecik kecik pundi kencing,
guna pisau cukur kening,
bila berstetoskop rasa pening,
potong bulu dengan gunting

Heard this from the radio this morning: “Why aren’t there enough Malaysians fly the national flag on their vehicles?” (or something like that).

Thought it’d be interesting for me to answer that myself - Why haven’t I displayed a flag on my car before?

There’s only one reason to that - I couldn’t be bothered. So what if it’s National Day? The only thing that I acknowledge about National Day, is that it’s a day where I don’t have to work and don’t have to contend with those Down Syndromish people at my workplace. That’s the only thing that matters to me.

If you’re thinking that this sticking flag business is all about patriotism, well, you’re damn wrong. The truth is, it’s all about parting the money off your wallet here. Like, a few bucks for a crudely made plastic flag. What a rip off. It used to cost about 20 cents a flag, and even that comes with candies inside the hollow (& transparent) tubular flag holder.

I ain’t paying my hard earned money for a grossly overpriced flag, which aren’t going to benefit me in any way. This is akin to squandering for things that I don’t need. After paying for all the taxes, bills, loans, traffic summonses and other expenditures, I don’t have much left to ’squander’ about. Definitely not for a good-for-nothing plastic flag. (Yes, I can afford an overpriced car, but not an overpriced plastic flag. Call me a miser if you want, not that I care anyway).

Like I’ve said before, I’m not a patriotic person. I was born at a post war era, at a time when it was already peaceful, where freedom was a way of life and also where my country doesn’t require me to die for ‘her’. In the world I was brought up (I don’t know about your’s), it’s all about moolah. Moolah to feed your family. Moolah to reimburse your innocence (traffic summonses, fines, lawyer fees). Moolah to feel better (medical fees, insurance, etc). Moolah to get yourself literate. Moolah to even up the inflation. Moolah to live your life. The list goes on.

As you can see, I have little room left to be patriotic. I appreciate this country, terribly much, yes… but I’m not patriotic to it. I have other priorities than being patriotic. If I were to be patriotic, I’m gonna ‘patriotize’ my ass to the one and only thing that gives me EVERYTHING I need to survive in this life. Moolah. Money. Sorry my country, I love you, but not much enough to be called a ‘patriot’. If you happen to become rotten with corrupted politicians one day and were to ever come to a juncture where living happily is practically impossible, I’m gonna have to move to a better place for the sake of my own family and myself. There won’t be any qualms.

But however, if flying flags is that important for you, well, perhaps you can change things around a bit with money. Waive someone off the taxes and improve his standard of living, I bet that person would be more than happy enough to fly a thousand flags for you. He can even be a patriot too, if you want, for a price of course.

But I’d rather fly a kite, at least it’s way more fun.

*****
related entry : patriot or not?

Random sms read from my cellphone:

‘7.30pm heritage club, we may go there straight away’
- Our World Cup win dinner.

‘NOT JOIN U 4 LUNCH TODAY’
- A lunch member informs about not joining the gang for lunch.

‘Can u help me get the contact no of yur downstair unit that is for sale might b interested to buy thanx’
- Friend wants to buy the apartment unit below mine.

‘tonight around 10.30pm meeting kat batu lanchang thai restaurant. Beside former tokyo coffee shop. All favor?’
- Friend calls for an emergency meetup to discuss about the taste of beer.

‘Pg bridge jammed. Bus breakdown b4 reach middle of bridge’
- A warning sms by a colleague. I was already on the bridge when I received the message.

‘dear, I just received saman saying we exceed speed limit at Jalan Sultan Azlan Shah. Limit is 70km/h our speed is 86km/h’
- A love note from Emily

‘[name], [name] and me are planning to go bowling tonight, you guys ok?’
- An invitation to commemorate our independence from Japanese occupation. I declined & missed the fun.

‘dear, did u receive fax from astro for ownership change? Forgot to ask u days ago. Call me from office if u dunno what im talking about. Love’
- another love note from Emily.

‘planning to eat steamboat tonight, you guys ok?’
- A friend asks for consent to hoover up inedible metal objects. Kidding. It’s an invitation of course.

‘dude, wear long pants n shoes, in case we wanna kihop babe after dinner. at least we r dressed up’
- a reminder from a concerned friend not to wear too sloppy when going to dinner with them.

‘err not going cos got nothing to buy. U dah makan ke? Nak yong tau foo? Maybe after yong tau foo I can go with u to pc fair. Pi tengok-tengok’
- a typical guys outing on a boring afternoon.

’she suddenly became so scared of hair dryer sound. She cried like yesterday again this morning until we off the hair dryer. Talk to you more when u r back’
- another love note from Emily. I’m so full of love. Read more about it here.

‘U @ home this afternoon? My wife n I would like to pay u a visit with our bb’
- a message from a friend who intends to bring his infant son for an interview with his prospective father in law.

‘Baby, remember to bring some booze for our sex party tonight with the Norwegian models’
- I made this one up.

I kept thinking to myself - what an ‘interesting’ life I have here. Sheesh. [mopes]