Archive for July, 2006

July 7, 2006

how did Superman do it?

U mean superman had sex with lois lane?? shudn’t be a problem to get out of his red lingerie but i wonder where’s the zip/button for that blue body suit – Sooi Sooi

Ahhhh, Superman DID have sex with Lois Lane. That asthmatic kid in “Superman Returns” has proven to the world, that the man of steel is not just any steel. He’s a rockable hard steel bebeh… at the right place of course. And since Supey (as you people like to refer him as..) is able to pork like any of you humans, droves of you sick girls out there must be wondering… how did he do it under that seemingly tight and enclosed spandex suit?

Well, the secret lies beneath that awkward little maroon brief. Underneath it, is a fissure, where Superman would be able to conveniently whip out his superdick to run an errant or two (such as, to copulate with a superslut, or drain his superbladder). Just like this:

I’ve replaced the picture of Supey’s lizard with a fire hose to conserve the family-friendly rating of this site of mine. (yes, this is the same base picture filched from that “anatomy of a firefight” entry…)

That’s why he wears his underwear on the outside
a) to cover up that exposed part (the fissure), and,
b) to not look awkwardly doughy like a male ballet dancer.

But then, if you were to ask me, I’d say that’s one hell of a stupid design. If I’m Superman, I’d just fly all over the world naked. Like hey, if I can cut a volcano cone with my laser eyes, flip off a tectonic plate with my barehands and fly faster than a speeding bullet, who’s going to have a concern about my sense of fashion? Think about it, people.

You’ve been educated.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 13 Comments
July 6, 2006

“Superman Returns” (2006)

I made a very big sacrifice yesterday. I gave up my sleep time, and traded the semi final match between France and Portugal, to watch “Superman Returns”. That’s because I’m that much of a fan and I’d go crazy if I don’t watch that movie any sooner.

Alright, I lied. I foolishly gave up that semi final match for that Superman movie because
a) It’s a movie day at the cinema. I pay only 6 bucks for a movie instead of 10 bucks.
b) I thought that Superman movie would worth my time more than ANY soccer match that involves France.

But I was wrong on (b), which in a way, makes (a) kinda null too. The new Superman movie flopped big time and it’s a waste of my money. Why? I’m gonna make this in point form.

– Lame storyline. As usual, Lex Luthor and his relentless effort to take over the world – VERY LAME. Most of the time, the caped one would just fly here and there doing odd jobs saving asses… with no real objective other than to impress Lois back into a relationship. Like, who wants to know about Superman’s affair with Lois Lane? She’s just a reporter who can’t live for another minute without a dick entering her cooter. If I want to watch a love story, I’d go watch a movie about love story. Not Superman. When I watch Superman, I anticipate a significant amount of action. Something like… a superhuman contender to go up against Superman? Yeah. Like King Kong. Maybe, a King Kong who fell into some radioactive stuff, and became a mutated green monster that’s 10 times stronger than Superman? All out to trample on the whole city for the kick of it? Yeahh!

– Preposterous plots. Yeah I know, the whole idea about Superman being able to float around in a blue spandex suit is preposterous itself, but then, we viewers tend to find logic in everything that is happening in the movie. And seriously, a lot of things don’t seem to make a lot of sense in the movie. In the storyline, Superman returns from a long trip to his hometown at Sitiawan, Perak, and return 5 years later to discover way too much changes in his old place – The computers are with 16 million or more colors, LCD screens, color mobile phones with cameras, digital shits, fuel injection cars… MANNNNNN!!!! Like what the fuck happened here??? All that in 5 years? Oh come on! And there’s this Lex Luthor, who never got his parole out of jail to ruin the world, only until Superman returns from Sitiawan, so that he’ll get the chance to be subdued again by the superhero. *shakes head* I may probably find this interesting IF, my IQ is equivalent to a 7 year old kid…

– Movie’s too long. It’s over 140 minutes. And because it also lacked of diggable plots, it makes the whole experience even more tormenting. By the time the movie hits halfway, I began to get restless on the seat. In the process of doing that, my bermuda shorts sort of slid down my waist to the upper region of my ass, exposing my butt crack to the environment. I couldn’t have been more relieved that there weren’t any mosquitoes in there that took liking on my unintentionally exposed soft spot. Mosquito bites can be very nasty on ass crack. I definitely do not want that.

Don’t go to the cinema for it, not even when it’s 6 bucks. Get a pDVD, it’ll be good enough.

Oh and that kid with asthma… that calls Lois Lane mommy? He’s the by-product of Superman’s unsafe sex with Lois Lane. There’s a plot in the movie where the kid flipped a grand piano to crash on one of Lex’s henchmen, to rescue Lois. And that kid, is IMMUNE to kryptonite, unlike his gayish daddy.

There you go, your spoiler of the day.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 19 Comments
July 5, 2006

my girl

I came home from work yesterday to discover her like this…

I could almost instantly tell that she’s very fond of lizards…

A few days ago, she shat a flying turd on my mom, then peed on Emily and yesterday, she ripped 2 nasty farts while asleep in my arms.

That’s my girl. I’m beginning to love her more and more…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 24 Comments
July 4, 2006

your own way

Emily and I were having our usual late night bed-conversation in the darkness prior going off to sleep.

Me : “Single guys are a bit of a slack… don’t you agree, dear?”

Emily : “Yep. They don’t have a girl to remind them how to be proper…”

Me : “Yeah. Just like [name] and [name]…”

Emily : “So, would you be as slack as them had you not found me?”

Me : “Nahhh… I’m a natural born perfectionist and I’m special. I’ll still be as superior, single or not…”

Emily : “Then why would you still need me then?”

Me : “I was driven by compulsion… I was naive and stupid.”

Emily : “Elehhhhh! How about Regine? Also driven by compulsion?”

Me : “Yeah.”

Through the darkness, she could see it through my mind that it was a lie. A lie that was implicative in its own way (When you’re 30, you’ll develop your own bizarre way of expressing your love. Trust me on this…)

Our night progressed on with more laughter about what Regine did for the day… and talking about worries that are looming before us. Our life is about to get more challenging by the minutes…

PS: I missed out another important event yesterday… It was on 3rd July 2003 that I started this whole blogging business. It has been 3 frigging years since I started blogging. Geezzzz…

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 10 Comments
July 3, 2006

today’s special too

Today’s special. Why? Here’s why:-

a) It’s Emily and I’s 10th anniversary of being in love. It was on July 3rd 1996 that Emily replied my call of love, and officially accepted me as her beau. My life has changed ever since… (puke puke puke)

b) It was the day Regine shed her first tear. Sure enough, she has been bawling for the last 26 days, but it was all dry crying. And today, when she was doing that to beckon for some attention and sympathy, I saw something in her eyes, and wiped it… only to discover that it was her first tear (I initially thought it was an eye wax or something). Daddy was the one who wiped her first tear. OMFG is that awesome or what?

3rd of July, a date definitely worth remembering…

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | Comments Off