July 26, 2006

bonnie binti boner

It’s really a wonder how modern cosmetics and vanity articles could ooze an incredulous amount of confidence amongst women. Because of them, girls would miraculously never have to feel ugly no more. Just smear some magic chemicals on their face, follow some made-up dietary plans and voila! she’s all beautiful. Yeah right.

Such would be the case for Bonnie, one of the infamous harridans at my office. The big bad hypocrite bitch who backstabs and filch everyone’s credit for the good of her own. She’s easily one of the worst dressed person in Company X.

You see, Bonnie is not very well-endowed, but somehow out of her deficient mind, she doesn’t realize that. She thinks she’s hot and pretty. The fact is, she’s already at the brink of reaching her menopausal stage, and has saggy tits that resembled an old dog’s sack of testicles. But still, she dresses up like she has just got her first strand of pubic hair. Miniskirts, tank tops, tight skirts and every scanty clothing items she can find, to flaunt her imaginary curvy assets (the only curvy surface I managed to spot would be her bloated squid-like head, the rest are just dimpled and wavy lards)

She would plod around the office in a fake catwalk gait, with her head held up high, thinking that everyone’s having a wet daydream about her – which is, totally fucking wrong. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. A little survey around the office revealed that many of the guys would rather die (or fuck an exhaust pipe) than to imagine themselves having a piece of this wretched ratfink. (my colleague KS told me that he feels like flinging his mug at her each time she’s in vicinity)

It’s perplexing isn’t it? Why can’t she pick up the negative vibes around her already? Can’t she see the gag reflexes (or the puddles of pukes) she generated along the sidewalk herself? What the fuck is she thinking? That she could hide her age behind those gaudy rags and cheap cosmetics?

It’s goddamn depressing.

People, if the descriptions above somehow reminisce you of yourself, let me break this bad news for you – no, cosmetics and rags won’t cover up your aging. You know what would? Paperbag. Just wear it over your head. If you need to see, cut two holes on them. Or alternately, you can kill yourself. Like I’ve said many times before, corpses don’t age.

Bonnie, I could have grabbed any beast from an animal shelter, run it over with a truck and set it on fire, it’ll still be very much better looking than her. FUckk.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

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