July 19, 2006

bitter memories : the great escape (part III)

[continue from here]

“What’s wrong, PukeMachine?” (like I said, we 9 year olds used to speak all so weird like that)

Tears began to pour out of his beady eyes, and he sounded like some retard with speech impediment. I could hardly understand him, but from the way he looked, I reckoned that it must be something very serious. It took me about 5 over minutes to register what was happening there – he had just discovered that his school uniform shirt was missing. He was actually asking me this:

*sob sob* “Hav yu zeen my sgool univorm???? uwaaa waaaaa!”

To which I answered, “Yes”, and enjoyed that few microseconds seeing him light up like an LED display on some hippy’s cellphone from that false ray of light … His tears and mucus temporary ceased and he was looking at me like I was supposed to lead him the rightful path to his salvation… or something like that.

“I saw it on you. You were wearing it this morning”

His wailing resumed. Hey, I was just being honest. Sure enough, it wasn’t on him at that time. All the while walking home from the creek, he had been wearing his undershirt, which was a white perforated cotton singlet he wore under his school uniform everyday. And he didn’t even know his shirt was missing until when I was about to call it a day. What the fuck indeed.

Speaking of undershirts, I really don’t understand why most kids would wear them during my school days. I mean, it was so fucking hot around where I lived, and wearing something underneath was… is… a bad idea. When I was 9, I was all naked underneath that layer of uniform. No underwear, nothing. Just uniform. It’s the smart people’s way of living. Had he been as pragmatic as I was, none of this could have happened – as he would have realized it was missing, since he’s gonna be naked from the waist up, and it is so much easier to realize that.

Anyway, back to PukeMachine’s woe. His school uniform was nowhere to be found. Not inside his school bag, not tucked under his pants, not stuffed inside my schoolbag either (that was a bit ridiculous but, I searched my schoolbag nevertheless, just for the peace of his mind). If he had crowbar, he would have used it to pry open his puckering sphincter to search inside him too, but then, it was still nowhere to be found.

So where could it be?

“PukeMachine, back at the creek, you did dip yourself in the water, right? Did you do it with your shirt on?”

He didn’t answer me. He didn’t have to. I already knew I hit a bullseye. His reaction to that question betrayed what was going on in his mind. The very thought of his shirt lying wasted at the base of the murky creek agitated his emotion so fucking intensely, that he had to release it by opening his mouth and let out a louder wail. He now looks like a kid who had just lost both his legs, his parents and several pet dogs, all at once. For the first time in my life, I felt sorry for him…

Well, the whole episode of that dramatic event actually took place at a very busy spot, where there were a lot of passer-bys. And because PukeMachine was bawling like he was not gonna see tomorrow, it kinda grabbed a lot of unwanted attention (it was embarrassing yeah). Just as I was getting real uneasy about the mounting attention, a middle aged shapeshifter materialized out of nowhere to offer PukeMachine some sympathy.

She then asked him in that goosebump inducing buttery tone, her hand draping across PukeMachine’s shoulder… “What’s the matter, little boy? Why are you crying? Tell aunty why…”

I was about to reveal that we’ve been skipping school, swam at a creek, and how PukeMachine’s shirt is now lying at the bottom of the creek as a sanctuary for stray catfish to have sex… playing an important part in some marine ecosystem… But eventually, I decided not to. Instead, I had an idea that it might be good to let them catch up their good old times together without me.

So I chose to bail. I bade a quick insincere farewell, and made a beeline to where I was suppose to go minutes earlier, leaving that stranger with my still crying best friend (evarrrr). I did not feel very good about it at first, but then, I managed to convince myself to see things at an optimistic angle. Who knows? that nosy hag might buy PukeMachine a brand new school uniform? And send him home? (in exchange for sex?) It’ll be better for him, because there’s basically nothing I can do to help him. So, fuck it.

The next morning, I was all nervous about school again. I was worried about all the things that had occurred the way it weren’t supposed to. Questions kept popping up in my troubled thoughts – did PukeMachine survive his trip home from that imaginary pedophile? Did his mom find out we skipped school? And the most important of all, what to expect from my class teacher after skipping a day off and failing to summon our parents?

I found out soon enough. Miraculously, PukeMachine was all smiling on that day. He told me he lied to his mom about misplacing his school shirt somewhere after feeling too hot. Probably cried somemore to add credibility to his story

“Then what about your trip home? How long did it take for you to complete the journey?”

He bragged that it only took him another half an hour or so, and his mom did not suspect anything. I think he lied. But what do I care, really, at least he wasn’t kidnapped by that weird shapeshifter or gotten ass raped by rabid stray dogs (come to think of it, how I wished he was kidnapped, or at least ass raped by something).

But the most surprising thing that happened that day, was that the class teacher seemed to have forgotten all about the calculator incident, and didn’t ask us or anyone about it. She was all smily too, just like PukeMachine’s cold, lifeless and spastic smirk. It was as if… nothing had happened.

michaelooi  | escapades  | 

11 Comments to “bitter memories : the great escape (part III)”

  1. Josh says:

    your best friend (evarrr) must have given your teacher some amazing sex to get her to shut up.

  2. tracybadtz says:

    hahah belif it or not, i have heapsss of work to complete in office and refreshing your page is one of it..

  3. After following up on your trilogy… the ending sounds like X-files music playing in my mind…

    Just smilling and nothing happened? Wow… just like twilight zone…

  4. Din says:

    Really enjoyed these long entries with your PukeMachine friend. Keep more coming!

  5. malcolmchoy says:

    that’s the best real-life story i’ve ever read..wooo

  6. michaelooi says:

    josh – Maybe he did give her a head… but what do I care… really…

    tracybadtz – I’m sure refreshing my blog is fun… thanks.

    william – hhyeah… it still escapes me on what actually happened. I could have been a dead man, but strangely, it was all gone, just like that.

    din – Sure dude, if I continue to have too much time at hands, why not? ;)

    malcolm – Best? Read the whole “escapade” category… and decide again… Cheers.

  7. jimmy says:

    pukemachine should stop having sex.

    it pollutes the population.

    if he is as … pea brained as you say he is….

  8. michaelooi says:

    if all pea-brained people stop having sex like you wanted it to be, trust me… there’ll be only a handful of us bloggers and alcoholics left. (if you get my drift…)

  9. Jeebs says:

    I wonder how you can remember so many childhood memories. I can’t even remember what i did when i was in form 5.

  10. Arkane says:


    After spilling out his sob story, Pukemachine had wild sex with the shapeshifter who was so satisfied and amazed that she couldn’t help but asks the kid to grant the same service to her shapeshifter buddies. The orgy party took place that night in one of the shapeshifter gang’s apartment who turns out to be guess who, THE FREAKING CLASS TEACHER. In the end, everybody had such a good time that the teacher not only decides to grant a pardon to Pukemachine and his partner in crime, she decided to send a complimentary note to Pukemachine’s mom explaining what an excellent kid she has in Pukemachine. And all of them smiled. And lived happily ever after.


  11. bongkersz says:

    pukemachine still one of your ‘geng keras’ then? haha! i missed the day.. when i need to walk 30min – 1 hour to school.. took my sweet time walking back home..

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