July 17, 2006

bitter memories : the calculator incident

*too much time at hands again today, long entry, deal with it*

PukeMachine. The guy who couldn’t tell the difference between his mom and a bunch of 8 year old whipper snappers. My best childhood friend evarrr. If his stupidity is to be likened as a volume of water, he’d have flooded the whole planet many times over.

It was circa 1986, when PukeMachine suddenly came to me with a wry grin.

“What’s up, PukeMachine?” (yeah, we 9 year olds used to speak all so weird like that)

Out from the pocket of his undersized school shorts, he produced before me a worn out looking piece of calculator. Worn out, and dirty. One could tell from the first glance of it, that it had seen the time of its electronic glory. It was covered with enough grime and filth to grow a potato plant out of it.

“Wow, a calculator.”

I wasn’t that thrilled really. My mom used to own a metallic calculator which was a few gazillion times cooler than that piece of junk that came out of PukeMachine’s pocket. It was so cool, that my mom had to lock it inside her private drawer so that I wouldn’t drool at it.

“It’s Maqbul’s calculator. I stole it from him.”

Maqbul was one of our classmates. He was always the second last in class and his mental capacity was very close to that ‘retard’ red line. That day, he brought in a calculator to school to show it off to the rest of his dim witted buddies, and PukeMachine stole that calculator.

“What?? Why did you do that, PukeMachine?”

“I couldn’t stand that smug Maqbul, so I stole his stupid calculator”

From that moment on, I already knew that it was a mistake. It was dumb enough to steal inside your classroom, what more a worthless piece of shit from a loser like Maqbul. If it were to be me handling the situation, I would have opted to destroy that calculator (or Maqbul himself) rather than stealing it and confine myself dangerously inside the class. (you steal something, you peel off. You don’t just stay static waiting to get caught, get what I mean?) Needless to say, that calculator was generations ahead smarter than PukeMachine.

But it was already too late for any reprehension, for Maqbul had already realized that his calculator was missing, and quickly rose up from his seat to give a quick yelp. He made such a big commotion out of it, that PukeMachine and I got panic in the middle of our discussion, and had to immediately cast that calculator into a schoolbag nearby. And that was the second mistake I spotted on that day – it was my fucking schoolbag.

I hadn’t had the opportunity to even remove that evidence from my bag, because by a fragment of a second later, the class teacher had already instructed everyone to go back to their seats and was calling for a spot check to determine who was the mean thief that stole Maqbul’s fucking calculator.

The rest of you here can make your own guess what happened next. Fast forward a few moments later, I was made to stand in front of the class facing the rest of the students, to explain why did I commit the crime. Because I didn’t really do it, I decided just to tell the truth instead, and conveniently pointed out PukeMachine as the main culprit behind the whole act.

Well, some of you might think lowly of me to drag PukeMachine along into the quagmire … but what do I care, suit yourself. There’s a big difference between being stupid and righteous to your friends… and I wasn’t about to be stupid just to be righteous, so, fuck it. I got him square in the face. Hey, that’s what friends are for, right? To share the perils and pain together…

And that was exactly what I wanted to happen. If I’d be getting a disciplinary action out of this, he had to have the same share… I just didn’t fucking care. In fact, he should have counted his blessing that

a) I didn’t break his arms for getting me into HIS troubles
b) I didn’t break his legs for getting me into HIS troubles
c) I didn’t attempt to kill him for getting me into HIS troubles

We were made to invite our parents to school the next day… which, would be a story for another day.
[to be continued here]

michaelooi  | escapades  | 

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