July 13, 2006

bitter memories : the underwear incident

*too much time at hands today, long entry, deal with it*

I’m sure everyone has done something stupid as a kid before. For me, lots of them. And most of the time, it was because of external influences, a partner in crime. I always had a partner in crime. I had NEVER actually done dumb things by myself… well, except for that incident with a nasty dog when I was 6, but that is a story for another day.

Like I’ve said many times before, I wasn’t a very popular boy at school. I was too rotten to have much friends. I had only a handful of them… and one of them was PukeMachine, who used to hold the title of ‘my best friend evarrrr’ (hell, we had even sworn in as brothers before, no shit… one of the many stupid things I did which I regretted later in my life).

Now this PukeMachine, he was sort of a palooka when he was a kid (that explains why he hung out with me). His intelligence level always lag 2 years behind, and that kinda made him a really bad choice of a partner in crime. No, a bad choice for ANYTHING. His sheer stupidity had gotten us into a lot of troubles, again and again. Any normal kid would have ditched him as a buddy and cast him into oblivion. But I didn’t. Don’t know why and don’t ask. (Ok, maybe I was abnormal)

One of the most bitter memory that had etched into my memory was the underwear incident. Now, this may sound a little obscene to some of you here, but trust me, it’s not what you think.

I was only 8 at that time and was fascinated over anything. Robots, bicycles, dead rats, deat cats, just anything I saw on the street. One day, while I was ambling to school along a corridor at my residential apartment, I came across a pair of discarded underwear. Not really sure if it was discarded or blown off from somebody’s balcony, but it was lying right in the middle of my path. A white, female underwear… with lace. From my height, I could also see that it was made of those netting material which made it semi transparent or something. That was how it piqued my 8 year old brain – as I had never seen anything like that before… And I did what no one would ever thought of doing. I picked it up, and stuffed it into my schoolbag, and made it all the way to school, apparently couldn’t wait to show it to my fellow classmates about that phenomenal find.

I first showed it to PukeMachine, of course, being my best friend and all, and he too, got as excited as myself. And then, we passed that piece of garment around the class… and it went ahead with its magical appeal – startling every 8 year old farts who happened to lay their gaze on it. I don’t personally quite remember what really happened after that, and it ended up at someone’s possession. I forgot all about it after that… until the next day when I received a phone call from PukeMachine’s mom, at my house phone, and it wasn’t a friendly call.

Apparently, PukeMachine took that pair of soiled underwear home and showed it to his mom. I don’t know why he did that, but I reckon he must had thought that his mom was as easily amused as an 8 year old too. And as if that was not bad enough, somewhere during the whippings and slappings, PukeMachine told her that it was me who gave him the underwear… along with my name, he conveniently gave my phone number for her to counter-verify…

It was a very embarrassing situation for me of course. Imagine your best friend’s mom calls up to harangue you on the phone, castigating you for influencing her son to be a sex maniac and such. I was like, fuming pissed, imagining PukeMachine cowering behind his apeshit mom, all the while wondering why was I made to pay for his idiotic act…

Come to think of it, the situation could have been worse, if PukeMachine’s mom decide to go to the school authorities, or complain to my mom. I was thankful enough that she didn’t do any of those (maybe she refrained because it would only make her son look like a total dolt). All I got was a tirade of angry speeches on the phone and a bad reputation to go with it.

That was how PukeMachine’s mom got to know me, the boy who taught her son bad stuffs – Michael.


A couple weeks ago, I called up PukeMachine’s cellphone to ask if he’s available to receive the full moon curry chicken treat for my daughter’s full moon celebration. Guess what? His mom answered.

Me : “Errr hi aunty, PukeMachine around?”

PM’s mom : “He has gone to Singapore for a couple weeks. Can you call him on his Singapore cellphone?”

Me : “Oh I don’t have his number. But it’s ok, it’s not important…”

PM’s mom : “I can give you his number… wait…”

Me : “Oh ok ok… thanks”

PM’s mom : “The number is XXXXXXX. It’s his cellphone”

Me : “Thanks aunty, appreciate it”

PM’s mom : “May I know who’s calling?”

Me : “Tell him Michael called”

PM’s mom : “Oh it’s you Michael. How have you been? Married?”

She remembered me. After all these years. Unbelievable.

I told her that I got married many years ago and she sent me a belated congratulations… Man, the situation couldn’t have been kookier. I was so darn worried that she might ask me about that underwear incident. I know the memory is tucked deep somewhere inside her thoughts, about the time when her son nearly became a sex maniac because of me. All it takes is just an irrational urge and an inquisitive drive to ask – “Why did you do it Michael? Why? Why didn’t you keep it for yourself?”

The answer is = I was an 8 year old moron. I needed no justification for everything I did.

michaelooi  | escapades  | 

14 Comments to “bitter memories : the underwear incident”

  1. Hijackqueen says:

    A 8 year olds and interested in white lacy panty? Aiyohh…

  2. yorkyordoder says:

    Interesting childhood you had! I remember when I was a kid, my cousin sister was staying with us as her college was nearer compared to where she came from. I actually never saw fancy bra’s before, and “borrowed” it to show my neighbour (whom was my then best pal), we both got our share of beatings, lucky you.

    Congratulations on your daughters full moon!

  3. tracybadtz says:

    ahahah…i wonder if PukeMachine still keeping the underwear

  4. Arkane says:

    Things we do when we were kids. COme to think of it, going crazy over a pair of underwear is so stupid. Why settle for the packaging when you can have the entire contents ? Guess that obvious fact only hits us when our brains mature enough to grasp it. You know, with age comes wisdom.

  5. bongkersz says:

    heheh…interesting childhood :P

  6. sasha says:

    At least its only a panty. I used to play doctor doctor with my bro using maternity sanitary pad as our surgical mask…yuck!

  7. Coming to stupid things in our past, I shouted “FUCK!” in one of my Standard Two classes.

    Damn, it was funny.

  8. michaelooi says:

    hijackqueen – That shows that I’m a pure straight guy… unlike many of the Jay Chou clones here (who fancy barbie dolls ptuuiiii)

    yorkyodder – Oh my, you get whippings for that? Not like you borrowed her tits… right? Geez.. my sympathy dude

    tracybadtz – I don’t know. If he didn’t show his mom back then, maybe.

    arkane – Errr… there weren’t any ‘whole package’ for me ler… if there was, I would have brought the chick home as well, no shit. Ahaks

    bongkersz – Yep.

    unladen swallow – I shouted “le mah cheebye” when I was 7. (translation : your mom’s beaver)

  9. forkyordoder says:

    Yeh well, my cousin was a biach, a real stuck up biach whom thinks shes above us all, but she’s much better now. Did you get in trouble for that swearing? or got overheard? I remember once said “look chat” (dick) and my class teacher heard that, called my mum (they were friends) and oh man..you can imagine what a surprise I’ve got when I got home that very day. I got whippings for taking my cousins bra, so what would I get?

  10. MorpheusX says:

    Hahaha…i got one incident to share..
    There was this guy in my skool..well he was like pukemachine..

    Well one day we were rushing to the canteen for recess when we heard ” siam ah…lam P@ tiu kin ah!!!”( move out of the way.. ball cramps!!) and we saw the fella rushing out from behind the queue… and he ran staight into the principal..

    Man i still remembet that till today..Damn funny Yo

  11. oliviasy says:

    hehehe, 4eva embedded in pukemachine’s mother’s mind. Michael = bad influence

  12. michaelooi says:

    sasha – Oooohh, that’s wicked. Well, at least it’s not ‘used’ pad…

    yorkyodder – I’ve got caught countless of times by my mom. Usually, she’ll grasp my neck like I’m a chicken or something, then she’s gonna stuff in some cili padi into my mouth. Did that change anything? No. I swear harder now… and I eventually became a spicy food lover. *wink*

    morpheusX – Why did he do that for? Somebody kicked his balls? *scratch head

    olivia – Yeah, I’m always the bad guy. I’ve since grown inured to it.

  13. megabigblur says:

    I kissed a random boy in Standard 5 to see what would happen. The reaction was so bad i didn’t kiss boys again for another 10 years. (point: kids are stupid)

  14. 100 says:

    I bit my friend’s arm when he challenged if i dare to do it. He cried and threatened to tell my mum (she taught in the same school). Darn, I had to begged him not to do so and finally I think he didnt.

The commenting function has been closed.