Archive for June, 2006

June 13, 2006

blog investment

Found this mail in my inbox today

From: [ad agent]
To: Michael Ooi
Date: Jun 13, 2006 12:01 PM
Subject: Blogging

Dear Mr. Michael,

I work in an Ad Agency and I have some clients who are interested in investing in blogging. I read about your profile in The Malay Mail last weekend and I thought it would be great if we could meet up for a short discussion on business development in the Blogging Segment.

My meeting with client is scheduled on Friday, 16 June. Is it possible for us to meet up before that? Please give me a call at [cell phone number] or [office number].

Thank you and best regards.

Yours sincerely,
[ad agent]
Brand Manager
[company name]

My reply to her:

From: Michael Ooi
To: [ad agent]
Date: Jun 13, 2006 8:25 PM
Subject: Re: Blogging

I’m sorry [ad agent], I’m afraid I can’t make myself accept this deal of yours. I don’t deserve this. Really.

You see, the cream of my blog usually involves mocking of other people, indiscriminate use of profanities and sometimes, even preach impertinent acts amongst the young – which totally escapes me why would anyone with a sane mind would think my blog has prospects in endorsing business of any kind…

It will only be too inhumane of me to accept this deal and later to let you discover the hard way that I’m that much a consummate dick like any ubiquitous credit card salesmen you see in shopping malls. For the best of us both party, I’ll have no choice but to politely ask you to fuck off instead.

I’m sorry that I may have missed a once-in-a-lifetime golden opportunity to make myself a billionaire by replying your free yahoo email address. Maybe someone else who deserves this better and with a wee bit more of an ethic would make a better chance out of this…

Sorry again,
Michael “the ungrateful” Ooi

People, if you’re sincere in securing a business deal with me, send me a 5 figure check (USD) in advance – only then, I’ll put whatever you’re bound to suggest into consideration…

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 16 Comments
June 12, 2006

the day

It was the day…

08.15 am – Arrives at the hospital. We’re suppose to be there 45 minutes earlier.

08.20 am – One of the nurses asks if I would like to witness my baby’s birth. I say no. She asks again – why not. I say I’m chickening out. She leaves me alone after that.

08.25 am – Emily is ushered into a ward room to prepare for the operation. I have to wait outside the ward. The corridor is damn cold. Or is it me getting nervous?

08.25 am – The doctor arrives. He comments something about us being late and him being out of schedule. He should complain this to the city council for having such a screwed up traffic – not to a nervous father-to-be who doesn’t give a fuck about everything else on the planet at that particular warp of time.

08.30 am – A senior nurse comes by and asks me, again, if I would like to witness my baby’s birth. I say no. She asks – why not. I say I’m not into that kind of shit. She tells me I won’t be able to see any of those shits as it’ll be shielded off from view. Then wouldn’t that defy the whole purpose of being inside the room? She says – to be the first to hold the baby maa. I then tell her that the first person will always be the doctor. She leaves me alone after that.

08.40 am – Emily, now draped with a piece of operating table cloth and a shower cap, is being pushed out on a trolley bed. I asks the nurse should I just wait there or somewhere else? She tells me I can tag along to send her. I tag along and it was the longest walk ever.

08.45 am – Go to the hospital cafeteria for breakfast after sending off Emily. I get so nervous, that I drop a sausage off my plate onto the floor, picks it up and eat it without washing.

09.00 am – I settle onto an uncomfortable waiting chair at the other end of a long corridor leading to the operating theater. There are a lot of upset people around that area – something about the family grandma who got mugged and assaulted, and is fighting for her life. I am at the wrong place.

09.05 am – Somebody opens an unlocked restroom door and greeted by a loud shriek from inside. Apparently, there is a teenage girl taking a poop inside the toilet… and I can see her bare tushy. (I am sitting directly opposite the door). A sign from god that my baby’s definitely gonna be a girl?

09.10 am – The atmosphere at the waiting area worsens. Family members of ailing grandma got agitated and are making random phone calls to relatives. The pressure inside my temple mounts. I begin to wonder if I should just leave the area and wait at the operating theater entrance.

09.15 am – I’ve had enough. Just as I am about to leave the waiting area, a loud cry of an infant cuts through the tension. It is the most badass loud cry I’ve ever heard in my life and the cry is crescendoing towards my direction from the operating theater. Could that be our baby? My heart rate climbs to approximately 140bps (that’s roughly about the rate of Paul Oakenfold’s fastest mix, i think)

09.15 am – I scurry towards the source of the noise and stumble into a nurse pushing a mobile cot. Inside the cot, is a delicate newborn. I ask the nurse if the baby is mine (I am nervous and being stupid). She says if my wife’s Emily, then yes. I am instantly promoted to sainthood from being a jerk.

09.15 am – I attempt to whiff the baby, nurse restrains me from doing so. I get really psyched up, punches the nurse to the floor, gives her a drop kick and ruptures her uterus. I snap back into reality when she tells me I can do the whiffing at the nursery, instead of obstructing the traffic at the corridor. I comply her request.

09.16 am – At the nursery. Nurse tells me the baby has a set of very healthy lungs and a flair of crying out loud. I acknowledge. She then shows me the baby’s nether region to confirm her gender and I take the first whiff off Regine’s head. I savor the moment for only 5 seconds or more, before the nurse takes her away from me to a warmer. (to stabilize baby’s body temperature).

09.16 am – I return to Emily’s ward and wait. Emily is schedule to come out about an hour or more later. I make use of the time to call up my mom to announce the good news. Mom achieves orgasm through the phone – the first ever by a post-menopausal shapeshifter in womankind history.

10.40 am – Emily is finally back at the ward, just awaken from her deep anesthetic slumber. She is visibly upset and keep asking if the baby’s alright. I assure her the baby’s alright and that she is in the warmer.

1 something pm – After a long perilous wait, the mother and daughter finally reunites.

My life has changed since.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 31 Comments
June 8, 2006

regine says hi

I’m so full of love right now.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 58 Comments
June 7, 2006

meet regine

Denizens of Earth, meet Regine…

She is now officially the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 103 Comments
June 4, 2006

the longest weekend

Emily’s SLE flared again. Due to the impending fear of complications, we decided to bring forward the delivery date tentatively to 7th June, which means, only a few days away.

And god knows how that little amendment of date had impacted our lives this weekend. Everything seemed to move at sloth speed. Anxiety attacked, amalgamated with that anti-gravitational feel – it was like anticipating a blind date at the following hour. Nothing seemed right. Tried to read, but couldn’t register a single word. Tried to watch some TV, but they’re always not interesting enough. Tried to blog, but the mind’s too agitated to write.

No words could describe the current state of mind I’m in now. I have to make this entry to remember this final moment before I ditch my soon-to-be-gone chrysalis of youth… for I, do not know how I’m gonna be like after Regine comes into my life. It’s just 3 days away, and yet, it feels like eternity…

(Probably most guys are having the same strange feeling as what I’ve described above, which is likely attributed to the upcoming World Cup tournament. But I assure you, my fellow friends, that my delirium has nothing to do with the World Cup tournament at all…)

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 41 Comments