June 27, 2006

do you play golf?

My boss announced a very disconcerting news to our team – that one of our technicians will be leaving the company for good, and there won’t be any backfill for his position. Drastic cost cutting measure – the boss said. The departing tech’s responsibilities will thus be evenly distributed among the existing subordinates, that’s us. Short to say, we’re fucked.

But strangely, I noticed a certain department in Company X that has been actively hiring as if they’re on a mission to dominate the planet… and that’s when I decided to ask my boss about it

Me : “If it’s all about cost, then why are we seeing so much hiring going on at [Department X]?”

Boss : “Well, the latest news I got was a headcount freeze. Maybe the hiring happened before the freeze?”

Me : “Maybe you didn’t play enough golf with the Vice President?”

Boss : “I don’t like golf…”

Me : “You should.”

That explains.

Sure enough, the director of that certain Department X is a well known bootlicker (I’ve blogged about him before – here). And needless to say, he is a golf enthusiast and he mingles around with the right people and always got his wish granted with very little effort. He’s got alllll the advantage, just by playing golf. Despicable, but an effective stratagem nevertheless.

So what does that tell you? You do not need real capabilities and intelligence to be a leader (this is what I’ve learned from experience). Just as long as you can play golf and be able to keep your boss happy. Doesn’t matter if you have a PhD in management or the ability to insert a 7 foot object up your ass (unless you’re a hot and young girl). If you can’t play golf, you’re pretty much as useless as an appendix. You will face obstacles. One after another.

Just like me. Underpaid, lack of life, deluged with work… a typical corporate drone. The only thing that’s left a lot in me are my pride and ego. But those won’t cut me my share of success. Those are the things that complicate matters… and make bosses unhappy. When bosses are unhappy, I’d get lower priority to promote and more work to do. All that, is because I don’t play golf.

It’s amazing to think how little effort is required for a person to just indulge themselves in this seemingly harmless activity… and the difference that it could make to your life. How difficult is it to just dress yourself up in your worst sense of fashion and walk around on some artificial grass holding an odd looking club (if you can’t get yourself to suck a dick)? Not at all. But then, still, I can’t seem to make myself do all that. I’m an utterly hopeless person.

So, people, unless you want to be as hopeless like me, go learn how to play golf. It’ll get you to where you want to go…

Now back to work.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

26 Comments to “do you play golf?”

  1. Asa says:

    why not u learn how to play golf instead? u can jump high in a split second.

  2. Arkane says:

    Yup, even if you don’t know how to play golf or can’t afford to play golf, at least learn up the golf terms. I think that’s less work than learning how to apply your lips to the bosses’ genitals.

  3. michaelooi says:

    asa – It’s too late for me now. My bad reputation would precede me. Besides, I can’t get myself to love. I’d rather have dinner with my sister…

    Arkane – Less work yes, but not enough. Talk is cheap. We have plenty of talkers here, but they didn’t fare very well…

  4. raoul says:

    Our life climbing the corporate ladder…..better things to do in life but one’s gotta survive…

  5. Xiao_zhai says:

    Playing golf gets only half the job done,you must be able to play it to the extent of making your boss looks like the next Tiger Wood.

  6. Sucks yeah, but one must ask, how much is your soul worth?

  7. inevitable says:

    Golf? Sighh… I hate that old man’s game but all big businesses are settled at the golf course…

  8. Asa says:

    Golf thing either u love it or u hate it. I ve tried many times to love this game, but cant get me anywhere.

  9. pang sai says:

    G + B = S + $
    Golf + Bootlicking = Success + $$$

    F + ST = BP + HP
    Football + Smart Talk = Better Prospect + Higher Paid

    True or False ? Ha! Ha…

  10. michaelooi says:

    raoul – It’s sad isn’t it? Why can’t we human become like bears? Just hibernate and eat, and when the need arises, we pummel up another bear for some girls we really like… HEY, SOME OF US ARE ALREADY DOING THAT!

    xiao zhai – Oh of course of course. That’s part of the bootlicking process eh?

    unladen swallow – Depends. If it’s for a pretty face and a hot bod, it’ll be free. If it’s for someone who looks like she’s just been ran over by a truck, it’ll be VERY VERY VERY FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

    inevitable – Well, the alternate way is to suck dicks.

    Asa – Golf sux. It’s a waste of land, and waste of effort to maintain a golf course. It’s fucking stupid.

    pang sai – Football? Good prospect? Not in Malaysia girl…

  11. pang sai says:

    Hate Golf so much ?? Try another formula here,

    ST + LD + GIB = $
    Sweet talk + Long Dick + Great In Bed = $uccess

  12. Kevin says:

    hhahaha Thank god my boss don’t play golf(at the moment at least)…

  13. Shar says:

    The only time I will touch a golf club is when I wanna beat the shit or trash out someone’s room. Hee hee. Golf is a fucking shitty game.

  14. michaelooi says:

    pang sai – Long dick doesn’t guarantee you success. If you have a dick, you’ll agree with that.

    kevin – Then becareful my friend… for your boss maybe interested in something kinky, like fingering your bunghole, which is WAY WORSE than golf…

    shar – Oh for the ladies? You don’t need to play golf. You just need to look pretty and be more friendly to your boss…(and to all engineers)

  15. Shar says:

    Michael: haha, most of the time I just have to bounce a bit and they get entraced. ONLY works on MALE bosses, female ones just hate me!

  16. Hijackqueen says:

    You see, in the working world we are lidat. We don’t do things we like. We do things to pleased others. So, if you want to climb a step higher, go do some nut polishing and start playing golf. Been there, done that. Begining i’m not happy but end result…. everyone able to live a comfortable life.

  17. azlin says:

    Yang mana satu ni Dildo ni?

    *thinks*

  18. Sooi2 says:

    why wud u want to play golf when u can play with the little doll at home??

  19. michaelooi says:

    shar – The ability to bounce is a heavenly gift. Make good use of it, girl. ;)

    hijackqueen – It’s always good to be nice to others. Be it your boss, or the Indian guy who stole your aunty’s mangoes. But that’s just not my style… (that’s because I know things that most bosses don’t… so, I’m holding the number 2 club)

    azlin – Tuuuuu yang panjang-panjang diperbuat drp plastik…. (yang logam pun ada, tapi itu dipanggil ‘penyumbat dubur’, bukannya dildo)

    Sooi2 – Hewwhhh, I know I can be sick sometimes, but I’m not that SICK lar. I’m straight, ok? ;)

  20. Asa says:

    *sigh* I dunno. All my life, I only encountered female boss. I dun like female bosses at all. very sad story =*sigh* I dunno. All my life, I only encountered female boss. I dun like female bosses at all. very sad story =

  21. Sooi2 says:

    eh eh ehhhhh…..i’m refering to ur little doll regine lehhhhh. u mean…. u mean always play with *other little doll*…?? LOL!

  22. pang sai says:

    What I mean in the “Football formula” is, if the boss love football & U can talk smart about it, may help to secure a better prospect & a higher pay.
    The “Dick formula” may help, if the boss is that type lor…
    Since U are ONLY 62% evil, I’m sure U won’t apply those formulas lah…
    Usually the #2 work like cow, while the tricky hold the #1 position.

  23. michaelooi says:

    Asa – Majority of female bosses can be real pain, especially when they’re riding some pad…

    Sooi2 – Of course lar I know… was pulling your leg. Can’t you sense that? Aisehman…

    pang sai – Well, golf is above all the rest lah, period.

  24. azlin says:

    hahaha mike, i was thinking of who the guy is. i know what dildo is :P !!!!!!!!!

  25. mahagurusia says:

    pay me to play!! :)

  26. Shar says:

    Asa – I agree, all my female bosses are fucking pain in the ass. Women are evil, except for a few.

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