May 31, 2006

chickening

I was minding my own business when Emily deviated from her kibitzing with mom and called out for me:

Emily : “Wei!”

Me : “What?”

Emily : “Are you going inside?”

Me : “Inside where?”

My mom then interjected,

Mom : “The delivery room”

Me : “Are you crazy? Why would I want to do that?”

Now, FYI, the delivery of Regine was to be done through Caesarian method – due to Emily’s poor state of health. If you don’t already know what’s a Caesarian section, it’s a procedure where the doctor makes the baby perform a vertical takeoff from the mother’s womb instead of the usual cooter exit…

Mom : “Be there for her maa… you can hold her hands or talk to her to distract her attention”

Yeah, like it’s gonna make her forget that she’s delivering a baby.

Me : “That’s insane. I heard it’s very messy, just like a butcher opening up a pig. No thanks. I guess I’ll just wait outside and let the doctor do his job”

Mom : “Don’t be such a pussy. It’s going to be totally obscured from your view with a curtain, ok?”

Me : “Forget it. I’m waiting outside. Maybe Emily can SMS me after she delivered, I’ll then go inside…”

Mom & Emily: [smack heads repeatedly]

Hey, call me a pussy or a bad husband if you want, but I’m not the kind of person that goes all out to pretend that I totally dig at the idea of some random guy cutting up my wife, with all those gores and stuffs. No way. At least not on the person that I love. I just can’t bear to witness that. I know I’m gonna get the trauma that I don’t need.

(but if that Caesarian were to be performed on my boss’ head to remove an uterus out of it, then I’ll definitely so gonna fucking watch it with a tub of popcorn)

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 

32 Comments to “chickening”

  1. gorgeous says:

    so when is your baby due? will you post her photo here? don’t you want to record her arrival?

  2. 100 says:

    And the operation on your boss head should be a better movie than X-3?

  3. megabigblur says:

    My uncle watched my aunty’s Caesarean and she complained that he was telling her gory things like, “Hey, I can see your intestines…” So maybe Emily’s better off _not_ having you there as well =D

  4. Rin says:

    Haha, shit, that ‘butcher opening up a pig’ analogy is hilarious (but scary =/ )

    Congratulations on your newborn baby girl btw! It’s the beginning of many sleepless nights. *evil grin*

  5. michaelooi says:

    gorgeous / Rin – She’s due mid of June… life is getting interesting…

    100 – Better than anything else dude… anything else.

  6. khimfoh says:

    Hey Mikey,

    First of all, congraulations !!! Hope that Regina and Emily are both fine.

    Now I understand your decision not to be present during the delivery. It can be quite gory sight. Its not for the faint hearted (I am not saying that you have weak knees). But count yourself lucky that its only a Caesarian and not a normal delivery.

    I was forced by my wife to actually view the entire delivery of my first born. And to tell you the truth, I was a something that I wouldn’t mind witnessing again.

    But on the other hand if one can’t bear to witness the delivery then its fine. Some guys and take it and some guys can’t. ie the constant moaning of pain, the sight of blood, the umbilical cord…you know the usual stuff.

    Take care Mikey….Life as a father is a long long long long long journey.

  7. pang sai says:

    Watching scary BLOODy movie for free. Why not?
    Probably should bring a video camera & record this historical moment for the benefit/future reference of your next generation. Who knows they may want to be a butcher ?

  8. The Snark says:

    Don’t go in if you don’t want to. Hoping for the safe arrival of the new Ooi. Will see you in Penang after the birth.

  9. Hijackqueen says:

    Usually they won’t let the hubby around during C-sec but nowadays apa-apa pun bolehlah. My bil even bring a camcorder and record the c-sec. so dem chun leh. Think about it…*wink

  10. Jeebs says:

    No photos? House address?

    How am i going to deliver you your presents for your baby?

  11. TITOKI says:

    Regine: Daddy, were you there to welcome me when I was born?

    Michael: Nope, I’m too pussy to watch a butcher opening up a pig.

    Regine: Daddy, you NO LOVE me!!! *Regine proceeds to whack daddy’s head*

  12. tyra says:

    a Gemini…hmmmm…a handful mike :p

    my cousin went it for his wife delivery & sworn that he wld never cheat on his wife :) congrats!

  13. . says:

    Wow… mid June? She must look like a waterballoon with hands and legs sticking out of her now.

    Hmmm… so you don’t want to cut the baby’s umbilical cord? After all it’s your “fault” that she happened. Think of it as, snipping the ribbon at a grand opening of a shop (you being guest of honour), only with blood and screaming involved. :-P

  14. obgyn says:

    The 3 main causes of poor labour progression (the 3 P’s) are the Passage (pelvic outlet, vagina patency), Passenger (size of foetus), and Power (of uterine contraction). Of these 3 P’s, only the last P, namely Power, is correctable during a poor progress.

    So how do we correct/increase Power?
    (1) Oxytocin administration
    (2) Amniotomy/Artificial Rupture of Membrane
    (3) Presence of support from partner (this is evidence-based medicine, in which studies have found that the presence of spouse during labour can significantly decrease the lvl of anxiety, and decrease the incidence of poor maternal effort)
    (4) Adequate analgesia
    (5) Proper hydration of the mother

    You don’t get to see the dilated and bloodied vagina, u dun get to see those enlarging rectal piles too. A cloth would be draped across her thighs.

    There is a small risk of uterine rupture too since she has had 1 previous caesaerean scar. The risk depends on the type of caesarean done LSCS/classical) and its indication. With 2 LSCS scars, subsequent deliveries would be caesarean too to prevent uterine rupture.

    Lastly, good practise of contraception and good family spacing ensures her good health too. With that i wish u all the best in attempting to be a brave husband/father.

  15. michaelooi says:

    khimfoh – I can take the moaning dude, I can’t take the gore. I don’t want to get reminded of Emily’s innards when I mount on her in the future…

    pang sai – You watch too much movie, girl… You scare me…

    snark – Yeah dude. Thanks.

    megabigblur – I don’t think it’s gonna be fun. I’ll probably get so freaked out, that the doctor has to revive me instead the attention to Emily…

    hijackqueen – In future, you’d probably see those ah bengs hanging outside the delivery room offering DVD camcordering service…

    titoki – If you think that being there to watch your kid check-in to this planet is LOVE above everything else, then good luck to you lah…

    tyra – That’s weird…your cousin should have sworn that during the wedding, shouldn’t he?

    [dot] – She’s looking like a round version of spongebob squarepants… with a lot of zits! heheh

    obgyn – Errmmmm dude, whatever. She’s going for a caesarian. Power or not, it’s gonna depend on the sharpness of the scalpel and the efficiency of the analgesic. Besides, bears don’t witness the birth of their cubs, and I don’t see them getting upset about it… (I’m modelling my family after the bears… SWAT SWAT)

  16. . says:

    Hey Mike, ever thought of sending Regine to a cool school like Convent Green Lane? :-D

  17. oliviasy says:

    congrats again :)

  18. Natasha says:

    Your mum actually said “Don’t be such a pussy”? Haha..

  19. michaelooi says:

    [dot] – That’s my ex-girlfriend’s and mom’s school… where everyone’s psychotic there… hmmmm

    olivia – Thankssss…

    natasha – Errmmm… that’s actually a much courteous version of it. The original was in hokkien, and it involves the word “kanineh“. Don’t ask.

  20. malcolmchoy says:

    congrats mannn.. Regine Ooi, nice name.. ;)

  21. bongkersz says:

    congrats again mike! next month, you will officially given the title ‘dad’!

    p/s: actually, what lah a guy can do in that room, melebih-lebih only.. leave it to the best, the doctor :)

  22. KK says:

    Men are supposedly not given a chance to do that during my old-time. Why not you try you best to participate.

  23. michaelooi says:

    malcolm – Thanks. Malcolm’s a nice name too. ahaks!

    bongkersz – You spoke my mind. A labour/delivery room is like the kitchen to us – a restricted zone…

    KK – I’ll be participating in the photography part. Any more than that, I’ll be overworked. No thanks.

  24. MorpheusX says:

    Congrats Mike…

    YEah i agree with you…

    i rather keep the gory stuff out from my memory..

    Finally congrats again!!!

    Now you are officially Daddy Mikey

  25. _dan_ says:

    a mother that cuss? your mom rocks man!! 42% evil

  26. wernnee says:

    Congrats… mid June baby. Myself was born June 17. Wonder if it’ll fall on the same day.
    I think you shouldn’t go in if you can’t take those shits. A friend of mine stopped humping the wife after witnessing the delivery. I think they gonna divorce soon…
    again, congrats!

  27. michaelooi says:

    morpheusX – You know, great minds think alike

    _dan_ – Every mom cusses. It’s just that they didn’t do it in front of their kids. (my mom is a down to earth kind of lady)

    wernnee – Oh your friend kena that teruk? Pity their kid…. aisehman…

  28. bongkersz says:

    er, i do go to kitchen, more often than my gf. It’s not a restricted area for me haha!

  29. azlin says:

    i didnt have c-sec. the husband was there during the delivery. once i was done with pushing the watermelon out, the doc stiched me up. my husband was there to “observe in order to ensure the doctor is doing a good work.” he actually said to the doctor “you’re good with stiching, you should work with one of those top fashion houses like dior” or something like that . i was totally high from sniffing the gas. thank goodness i didnt have enough strength. i wanted to strangle my husband then.

  30. michaelooi says:

    azlin – Alaaa… your doug’s with the army right? They’ve seen gore and stuffs lar. They’ve seen worse.

  31. megabigblur says:

    Haha typical guys…only interested in the vagina when they want to go in, when something’s coming out they run far far away.

  32. Ra says:

    Guys take 10 months trying to get out a woman and the rest of their life, trying to get in.Without facing consequences, that’s it.

The commenting function has been closed.