I always believe that I have good qualities to be a great leader. It’s just, I have not been given enough fair chance to get promoted high enough to manifest my capabilities. In the past, I’ve led countless of awesome projects (alright, maybe only a couple of them) and has shown an impressive level of leadership traits (amongst them – profound observation skills, adept in handling crisis, etc) – but somehow, most of my achievements were turned a blind eye upon.

I don’t know, maybe the management have a different idea on what it takes to be a good leader, you know what I’m saying? Maybe a prerequisite of having a minimum 50% level of speech impediment or an IQ not more than one’s own shits. Since I am wayyyyy too magnificent and intelligent to fit that profile, no surprise then, I was cast into oblivion and was never given the priority to grow in my career. Perhaps that explains why I am seeing so many imbeciles around. (The latest I’ve encountered, was an engineer who couldn’t speak elementary English, and has absolutely no idea about computers)

But then, if the world’s fair, there wouldn’t have been so many midgets in this world. There’s nothing that I can do about it, but to hope that someday, I’ll get my shot to be in charge, and by then, they’ll get to learn about the REAL DEAL of what it takes to be a good boss… like somebody as awesome as me. Here’s part of what I have in plan in case that ever happens:

For a good start, I’m gonna sack that roti canai cook who makes mousepad-stiff roti canais everyday in the cafeteria. He’s delinquent, incompetent, fat and reeks like a wet dog. If I don’t remove him from my organization, I’m very sure he’s going to be a bad influence to my employees – not passionate about their job (and would spoil the reputation of the management under my care). This cook, he will be replaced by another chef which I’m going to hire from India, and this Indian cook, is gonna make a lot of awesome Indian banana leaf cuisine for everyone.

Secondly, in order to win the loyalty of my employees, I’m going to make them love me. How? A subsidized carwash center smack dab in the middle of the carpark. Right next to the carwash, our very own automobile service center (not subsidized, but with attractive employee discounts) – with all the capability and competency to repair and service ANY automobile out there in the market – except Proton Savvy. Well, that’s because the boss (that’s me), do not favor that ugly car. (employee who drives a Savvy will be denied priority for promotions and will receive less bonus). With the facilities in place, employees can thus send their cars to our very own workshop without having to leave the workplace and conveniently collect them back after work.

The profit generated from the car service center, in the meanwhile, will be used to fund a project to erect a few bowling alleys at the vacant site behind the building. Probably might have to secure a loan first, and use the profit for monthly repayment. If everything’s well, I might even buy a few golf carts for the employees to commute between the main building to the bowling alleys (I acknowledge that walking can be inconvenient for some of you).

And then, I’ll also implement a real time web based rating system for all managers under my management. In this system, each and every people manager will be given a work blog – where they are required to annotate what they’ve done for the day and the reasons behind all their decisions – so that I’ll be able to monitor their working life (this is to counter the widespread shirking that has been plaguing the company for years) and ensure that my money is not wasted on paying sloths (besides, that also would indirectly ensure that these leaders possess an acceptable level of English). The blog also will have a commenting system, and feedback will be opened to his/her peers… and all feedback will be scrutinized to review the respective manager during appraisal.

That’s more or less for everyone’s benefits. Of course there will be more that can be expected from me – like legalizing the use of profanities, casual dress codes, etc. It’s simply, impossible for me to list all of them out here. The list will be too long for this blog (overload) and my contenders will probably plagiarize my style…

So, until that happens, let’s not worry about that.