April 25, 2006

should I?

I had been asked many hundreds of times before – how did I propose to Emily? Well, let me quench your curiosity once and for all here:

I did it at a mall. It all started as an ordinary outing with Emily, but prior that, had arranged with a horde of Banglas to help me out with a plan (I fucking paid them). Just when we strolled past the center court of the mall at the right moment, the Bangla extras leapt out of nowhere and I started to dance with them ala Hindustan movie style. We sang and rolled on the cold marble floor and ended the ostentatious show by popping the big question “Will you marry me” with a stalk of roses in my hand – that’s how I got her.

Perfect, isn’t it?

elements of surprise – check
public attention – check
uniqueness of event – check
flowers – check
big question – check

If only I can act that ridiculous… As some of you may have already guessed, yes, I made up the whole thing. For those of you who actually dug the whole fictional account above, you ought to have your brain checked.

The fact is, I never proposed. There never was any decision whether to get hitched. I guess it’s a mutual thing… you know, we kinda saw us spending the rest of our lives getting old together. And then, it sort of happened, just like that – we tied the knot (there wasn’t even any wedding reception).

Bland and unromantic, some of you may say. But for us (for me), romanticism is just a matter of individual perception. When you’re really in love, everything is romantic. It’s not really about flowers and wines and posh restaurants (you get the idea). Those are just some common paradigm made popular by the movies and romance novels. Like platform shoes and hairspray in the 70’s, these exclusive practices became the very ‘in’ thing amongst the ladies (only that this stays evergreen)… and are often used as a standard to stereotype men, if he’s … ~~~oooooh!~~~ romannntic.

And because of strayed perceptions like this, most of us guys are forced to jump into the big bandwagon of deceit, where we’ll have to fork out fuckloads of moolah just to get an evening right, to placate the girl in the mood to say the much expected “yes”. No you can’t simply propose “Will you marry me?” in an eat-all-you-can greasy BBQ outlet wearing a wife beater exposing your double patch of furry armpit. You’ll be rejected flat because you’re “not sincere” enough.

Get this straight:
you in your comfy clothes behind an inexpensive setting of atmosphere = NOT SINCERE
you with wine and stars in the sky, with white rose and a poetic prose = YES SINCERE

which makes it:
years of supposedly being in love together = unimportant, negligible

what the fuck??

Sadly, that’s what happening in today’s world. Some people expect things to happen, and when they don’t get the romantic proposal they wanted, they get upset unnecessarily over the relationship. The question is, shouldn’t they be looking at the bigger picture instead? Like, a treasurable relationship instead of just a good proposal to determine everything?

But what do I know… I’m just an engineer. My mind is smudged with transistors and capacitors, my heart’s stiffened with years of radiation from the monitor. In that case, I’ll just let you people judge – if the act of proposing is compulsory for a guy, even when one’s already been together for yearrrrssss and mutually decided to be each other’s life partner (and more important to that, what if the guy did not propose? Should a girl just fucking dump him? Should the act of proposing be a gating criteria for one to accept a marriage?)

Maybe we should just take a shot to change the society here… hmmmmmmm…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

22 Comments to “should I?”

  1. NicEviL says:

    You seem to have a really understanding and loving girlfriend/wife. She didn’t care at all about the fancy stuff ? Amazing. You’re one lucky guy.

    But then again, no girl wouldn’t love suprises once in a while. I’m a playboy, I should know.

  2. noname says:

    hey i’m the 1st today!!! hehe…i think whatever ways that special someone propose to me, i’ll be more than happy to say yes…after years of being together…and he’s the one…it’s mutual, really…the ambience, of course, is just too fairy tale to have it romantically…it’s not important at all…really. =)

  3. noname says:

    but.. there must have been a moment where u had to ask her whether she agrees to register as husband and wife.. right?

  4. Jas says:

    Yep.. yep.. I agree with you, uncle Michael.. :) we had ours simple too but not until the in laws and parents insist to have the wedding dinners too, no choice-lah..aiyo..!!! as for my case, my parents were quite helpful since they know it’s a new beginning of our married life, they forked out for the wedding dinner but then me and hubby got to forked out everything for his parents instead.. yep, it’s a lot of mullah forked out of the our own pocket… these are all materialistic stuff and especially Chinese culture.. parents want face-lah…

  5. sniperberry says:

    Oh… very good justification for your inability to romance Emily only once in her life time. *clap clap* *standing ovation*

  6. insomniac says:

    Yeah, despite all the feminist rhetoric about wanting to be treated equally, women still hang on to certain…let’s call it “traditions”…when it’s to their advantage, like the shitloads of money the guy MUST fork out for a date, otherwise it ain’t a “proper” date, or, he doesn’t really “care” and “love” me. Guys who hang on to women like that are suckers!

    As for the proposal thing, it’s all about their emotional nature lah, I think. The “mood” and “atmosphere” must be right…blah, blah, blah. But, yes, some are shallow and base the whole relationship and the guy on things like this.

  7. insomniac says:

    Michael, heads up! Someone feels u’re “sabotaging Proton” with your “destructive bashing”…hahahaha. Tsk…tsk…tsk…such a bad boy u are! Look in “Autoworld”, “Latest News”, under “Naza Sutera – another car to…”, page 7, 8th post from the top, by “Tourist”.

    Have fun! ;)

  8. megabigblur says:

    I think you’re right…and I think the trend to have huge fancy proposals is driven by a consumerist culture that makes stoopid people think that the best moments in life should look like something from a movie.

  9. EF says:


    It all originates from the intention.

    Some things are better said than to be unsaid. For example, moving in together, getting married, to be very sure that it’s what a couple wants.

    I think proposal is very important for those couples who doesn’t live together.

    Just my 2 cents.

  10. michaelooi says:

    NicEvil – Alaaa… for play-play, ok lar… but if the girl’s seriously in love with you, she shouldn’t let romanticism come in the way,… right?

    noname – We sort of planned everything out, just like that. But I remember only after we’ve decided on everything, only she jokingly ask “hey, aren’t you going to propose?”

    Jas – We people spend too much on wedding… and would later whine about it. Fuck man, it’s supposed to be a personal thing and a happy event. Why bother about relatives? They can take care of themselves… (they weren’t here when you’re wooing your girl…)

    sniperberry – That’s not a justification. If you’d assumed that I’m unromantic, so be it lor. (the fact is, the romantic stuffs that I did, are for Emily alone, & I don’t intend to share it)

    insomniac – Yeah, I saw that post after you pointed it out. What the fuck indeed. These hardcore Proton supporters never learn, do they? I won’t even bother to spark a debate with these no-lifers. If they think Proton is so great, then good for them lor.

    EF – So you think if a couple lives together, they can tie the knot just like that without a proposal? Cool…

  11. anas says:

    hmm, a good one. all girls should learn from emily, that standard/traditional/romance novel romanticism is hypocritism. it’s all in how you express your love, i say being romantic is very subjective and does not have any standard, as depicted in movies or novel cinta monyet remaja. micheal, you are one cool dude (i think you know that already, hahaha)

  12. Primrose says:

    It’s a fortune itself spending on weddings. And then after that, what? Live happily ever after?

  13. NicEviL says:

    If a girl is seriously in love with me, then she deserves even more romance once in a while. I’m not asking you to hold a wedding dinner with 1000 tables, that’s not romantic, that’s idiotic. Screw the relatives. It’s you and her. No one else need to butt in. I’m talking about chocolates, dolls, candlelight home cooked dining(done by urself of coz), a walk by the beach, and sudden presents etc etc. I live in america, aged couples can still be real romantic lol.

  14. morticya^33 says:

    I so totally agree with you man. It’s a damn hell pointless to spend so much on just one proposal, much less the whole stupid wedding shindig. I reckon it’s so much more realistic to just elope and get hitched – at least you’re spending the money on the both of you rather than on some bloody Chinese wedding where you have to invite a whole bunch of relatives who basically don’t give a shit.

    Two thumbs up. :)

  15. insomniac says:

    Oh come on, Mike, I’m disappointed lah :) Don’t u know we all love your ‘bashing’ style?

  16. oliviasy says:

    sincerity is #1

    ambience is just an optional plus point.

  17. TITOKI says:

    One day Regine is going to grow into a beautiful young lady. She will meet her Mr Right and settle down with him.

    Would you and Emily mind that she doesn’t want a wedding reception/dinner at all?

    Well, maybe both of you won’t mind at all and maybe by that time, marriage is not the in-thing anymore. It’s all about partnership and co-habitating together under the same roof.

    So as her daddy, how would you take it when a friend or relative approaches you and asks, “How come your daughter is pregnant? When did she get married? How come we are not informed?”

  18. michaelooi says:

    anas – Yeah bebeh.

    primrose – At least not for the first couple of debt repayment years…

    NicEvil – Of course if a girl loves you, she deserves MORE THAN ‘once in a while’ romance. But my romance, is not candlelight and wine. It’s something else. Heeheehh

    mortician – The Chinese was insensitive enough to even call it a “saman”… means you go there to pay money, eat shitty food and watch people getting hitched.

    insomniac – Kanneh lu! There…

    megabigblur – And the ever popular “diamond ring”. Fucking hell, those people have no idea how much does a diamond costs nowadays… and the constituted risks of wearing one…

    oliviasy – If your boy’s not sincere, why would he bother to ask you marry him in the first place? Looking for trouble aah? Ahaks.

    tiok tua ki – Here are the answers:
    1) “My daughter is pregnant because she had unprotected sex with her husband.”

    2) “She got married on [insert date]”

    3) “Because I think it’s none of your business”

    So, what’s the problem here?

  19. NicEviL says:

    Romance…..Something else….heeheehh ?(0_o)!!
    This can only mean one thing, according to my awesome detective intuition ! It must be damn fucking perverted “romance” that’s why you cannot tell. Huhuhuhu I don’t wanna know anyways. (vomits)

  20. Jeebs says:

    i have been with my gf for almost 6 years already, and the question of marriage and living together is getting emerging more often.

    Maybe for my marriage, i shall go ALA Mike’s style. ‘No dinner, just register’ motto.

  21. Joy Joy says:

    But it’s a lifetime memory u know. Maybe she wouldn’t mind now, but when one day all her gal frens gathered and talk about how romantic their husbands were, and how memorable and special the proposals were, and suddenly turned to her: “So tell us how romantic was yours?” She’ll be like…”Er…no proposal, no flowers,I don’t even hav a wedding reception. It’s just another ordinary day.” I’m sure a little sourness will arise.

  22. michaelooi says:

    joy joy – Hmmm… so a wedding isn’t actually about 2 person wanting to be together, but more like how to make it fit into the society whom you’ve grown accustomed to? Interesting…

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