April 24, 2006

green tea madness

Just the other day, I saw this piece of advert at Tesco – a picture of a couple of yokels wearing this asphyxiating grin, each holding a stick of toothbrush with some squeezed paste on it. Green tea flavored toothpaste, it said. Yeah, green tea flavored toothpaste. (WTF!?!?)

I mean, can you believe that? Green tea toothpaste. If that isn’t bizarre. Like, how many kinds of product have you noticed out there that are ‘green tea flavored’ or has an exclusive variant of green tea? Innumerable. First, it was just the food. Green tea flavored mooncakes, green tea flavored biscuits, you name it. Then came the scents. Green tea fragrances, green tea scented shampoo, green tea scented hair gels. People just can’t get enough of green tea… that they have to apply it on themselves. (there’s once, I picked up a female friend wearing green tea fragrance… almost made me dive out of the car)

And now, even our toothpastes are green tea flavored. Goddamn. I wonder what next… green tea flavored condoms? Hell yeah girls, fellating your fuck buddy wearing a condom will never be the same ever again… for you’re gonna get pinkier by savoring heaps of anti-oxidants from the green tea goodness on the french cap… all the while giving your partner the much desired sexual gratification. No more expensive Japanese restaurants.

How about toilet paper that is made of recycled green tea residues? Unlike any other regular toilet paper, it’ll not just only make your poo part from your puckering asshole, but it’ll also leave a trail of aromatic green tea microscopic lint around your ass – creating a haven of Zen down there, absorbing positive Chi and balancing your Fengshui (shits like that). Imagine how delightful and delectable it would be for your girlfriend/boyfriend, if they were to ever engage an Australian kiss with you, and suddenly to discover the unexpected green tea surprise.

Flex your own imagination, people.

I wonder what’s with the obsession about this whole green tea business. Why not something else? Like beef jerky flavored toothpaste (that’s at least better than green fucking tea)… or beer flavored mooncake? Why can’t a tea just be a tea? Why would anyone opt to have their hair smell like… like… green tea in favor of those nice floral scents? Is this some kind of a sinister biological plot by the Japanese to take over the world? Or are the aliens behind this?

Nobody knows. Only time will tell, whether we’ll all get over it… or are we gonna evolve into some exotic herbivores that eat and shit green tea.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 

18 Comments to “green tea madness”

  1. vincent says:


    When I was doing research for my tampon chronicles, I bumped across Green Tea scented sanitary pads. No shits man.

    And then the other day while boozing, some guys recommended mixing green tea with chivas. They said it was great but I thought it tasted like shite.

  2. Danielle says:

    HEYYYYY green tea is nice OK. I mean, the fragrances (Elizabeth Arden’s is just sooooo yummy) and body shampoo (Shokobutsu is heavenly) are nice. Haven’t tried the toothpaste though.

  3. megabigblur says:

    Green tea tastes like a solution of grass. Give me teh tarik any day.

    The toilet paper suggestion reminds me of something my Standard 4 teacher said: “Sultan berak pun bukan wangi, tau…”

    hp: There are chocolate flavoured condoms? o_O

  4. cemel says:

    You know they have green tea ice cream, right? I never like it.

  5. Jas says:

    Oh… uncle Michael, there are also green tea sanitary napkins available now in the department stores… lol… I was amused too..

  6. michaelooi says:

    vincent – I wonder why would anyone bother… it was as if their twat could taste the difference…

    danielle – You’re a green tea freak. That Elizabeth Arden fragrance is nauseating, ok?

    cemel – Yeah, I hated that too. It tastes like a can of paint.

    Jas – Soon, they’re gonna come up with green tea butt plugs. Mark my words.

  7. tyra says:

    alamak..green tea ice cream is my fav coz others taste 2 sweet :)

  8. hp says:

    “it’ll also leave a trail of aromatic green tea microscopic lint around your ass – creating a haven of Zen down there, absorbing positive Chi and balancing your Fengshui”

    Daymmmm… that’s some funny shit!

    Well, I’ve always hated green tea, so giving a blowjob to my fuck buddy ain’t gonna be a pleasure with that flavor on. Chocolate flavor is always the best. ;-)

  9. StaLiN says:

    Australian kiss…. ahahahahaha….

  10. aeyjay says:

    green tea toothpaste??? eeww!!! i love the smells but hate the taste.

  11. Paul Tan says:

    green tea toothpaste sucks. was forced to use it until the tube my mum bought finished.

  12. TITOKI says:

    You should be grateful that it’s not DURIAN flavour!!!

  13. noname says:

    haha..that’s a good one…green tea mania…yeah…i agree with you…why cant a tea be just a tea…i never liked green tea mooncakes!!! not impressed with green tea perfume and toothpaste…but these days, we cant expect a tea to be just a tea…like a handphone just as a handphone- to make and receive phone calls only…=))life would be dull…agree?

  14. kokbeng says:

    lets the green tea rulez the world…
    never touch green tea before.. ;p

  15. Amie.Lee says:

    It’s just a phase. =) FYI there is green tea fragranced pantyliners too. Take that.

  16. oliviasy says:

    just as i was reading ur post… my colleague is drinking green tea… how ironic.

    I like green tea, as a tea. no more, no less.

  17. Alex2dmax says:

    if the toothpaste is really made of green tea, then it defeats part of purpose to brush teeth. Green tea leaves stains, makes teeth yellow. So if the claim is to make real green tea toothpaste make teeth white, then it’s like saying drinking coffee can make teeth white as well :)

  18. pikey says:

    i’m now using the green tea flavour toothpaste and i must admit it taste really funny and it’s really a weird experience… it’s like me drinking green tea everytime i go brush teeth.. and there’s this green tea taste lingering in your mouth after the brushing….

    i still prefer the good ol’ original toothpaste style.

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