April 10, 2006

naming the kid

One of the things that I have been anticipating all my life is to name my own kid. You know, to bestow her a nice and pretty name that she will be most glad to carry throughout her own life. Unlike what her father had to go through…

As a teenager, I always fretted at how my Chinese name sounded like. I couldn’t help but wondered who was the raunchy twerp that gave me this name… that made me suffer countless ridicule and given distasteful nicks by my friends and classmates due to its oddity…

“It’s your grandfather. Don’t look at me, it’s not my fault.” – that was what mom said.

Yeah, that was so wise of their lazy ass to let the old man name me. Kaninabeh!

The only thing good about my Chinese name (which I ain’t gonna reveal here…), is that it carries a very good meaning (in Chinese – it means ‘a healthy world’) and I am sure that there will be no duplicate of it on this planet. But that’s not the whole point. Like, you can name someone a meaningful name after a prehistoric sea cucumber… I’m sure it’ll be unique too. The key idea should be, how acceptable it is to the public. How easy it is to be pronounced without pricking a nerve or two. Shits like that.

That’s why I adopted myself the common name “Michael” a little later when I began schooling – apparently, I wasn’t very confident with how people handle my real name.

That’s why, I feel so compelled not to let this happen to my own kid. I’m gonna make sure she is going to be given a tasteful name… scrutinized right to every detail, so as not to conflict with anything at all. It would be really disconcerting to see my own kid fret at her own name later on when she reaches puberty… and adopt a name herself which goes something like p00hb34r^__^…. or perhaps PinkVulva69. (who knows what the future holds?)

Right now, we have gone to quite a definitive stage already. She’s going to be named as ‘Regine Ooi’, that’s for sure. And Emily’s in the midst of selecting the baby’s Chinese name… which will be based on the meanings that they carry. For me, it’s not so important about what a person’s name mean… what is more important to me, is that it’s simple enough, yet not too common (like Ah Seng or Ah Lian). But it was the elders who wanted the kid to have a name with an auspicious meaning… which I have no choice but to play along. (I’m acting as the final gate on whatever name that Emily and her cohorts of anal-retentive traditionalists manage to come up with…)

At the moment, we’re indecisive between “morning warmth” and “dual core microprocessor” (kidding bout the latter one, I’ve actually forgotten the meaning…).

Hilarious names that I had came across :
– there was a school teacher in my secondary year that went by the name “Lim Kam Chooi” (in Hokkien, it phonetically means “drink orange juice”)
– another school teacher, with the first name as “King Kong”
– there was this infamous Malaysian who got an erratic speeding ticket at 773 kph – his name is “New Ching Shit”. (this must be some kind of prank by the then NRD officer…)
– many more (which I’ve forgotten…)

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 

15 Comments to “naming the kid”

  1. andycjw says:

    hey, i had a school teacher named ‘king kong’ too. my chinese name is quite ‘powerful’ also, in chinese it means ‘great army’, see? i got it even worse than yours. but i’m glad my parent also gave me a common name ‘andy’ that goes together with that.

  2. AverDim says:

    dad used to have this fren who went by the name Ms Pinky Chew.
    she later got married and now she’s known as
    Mrs Pinky Kok.

  3. So michael, confirm its a girl?!

  4. How do ya feel now? That you have a daughter coming into the family?

    you must be feeling damn kan cheong…

  5. Vegie says:

    My father has a friend named Uncle “Low Koh” ( pants dropping )too.

  6. michaelooi.net reader says:

    so mikey, has it been confirmed that your first born is a gal and have you thought of a chinese name for your child yet?

  7. bongkersz says:

    kinda hard to find a name which people wont make fun of, if they want to make fun or your name, they will find a way eheh..

  8. michaelooi says:

    “pinky kok”… that’s a very catastrophic name for a female… geez…

    that reminded me so much on the movie “Meet The Parents”, where Ben Stiller’s fiancee Pamela, had to change her last name to “Focker”, and she has a middle name called “Martha” to go with it… go figure.

  9. wy says:

    congratulations on being a DAD soon! :)

  10. Rootified says:

    “lim kam chooi” would be the funniest name i’ve ever heard. According to my mum, last time kids only get to drink “kam chooi” during CNY. So his parents must have loved him very much and wish that he have unlimited supply of “kam chooi” throughout his life.

  11. souplad says:

    try not to give a complicated chinese name….err complicated here means chinese characters that requires hell lotsa strokes…your lil’ one will defintely blame u when she is asked to write her chinese name a thousand times by her chinese teacher due to that 62% inheritance.

    funny names?

    Monica Cheng?… (touch ya backside)

    GUO YI ZHI in mandarin but KOK EE CHI (cock itchy) in dialect..the angmo will say EE CHI, KOK (itchy cock)…

    dats my college friend’s name, till then we are still making fun of his name. hey “KOK EE CHI” come here…..

  12. Bush says:

    Kok is always Harry or Steve. This is the first time I come across Ee Chi.

  13. Jasmine says:

    My secondary teacher who teaches me Malay language is call Encik Burong… Mr. Bird :)

  14. michaelooi says:

    oh, now that you people have mentioned it, I remembered that I had a teacher who goes by the name “Encik Izhab”… and we called him “Encik Hisap”… heheh

  15. arboon! says:


    what were the parents thinking when they’re naming their kids?!?!

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