its version of the story:
“I was chillin’ out at this uber nice wet-cave-of-supreme-coolnezzzzz, minding my own bizzness, when I heard a loud thundering noizzzzze of something ripping apart. It sounded like some metal teeth grinding each other. I wazz scared of courzzzzze!
I tried to turn my head azzz far back azzz I could, to check what’zzz going on… and saw thiz colossal mouth with metal teeth gaping out wide in front of the cave entranzzze! Just as I wazzz about to freak the living shit out of myzzzelf and had a heart attack, the big-mouthed monzzzzter stuck out it’zz big ugly tongue, which happened to be a scale-less fat serpent of somekind, making a partial entry into the cave!
That wazzz when I yelled ‘motherfucking hell!’ and started to flap my wingzzz azz hard azz I could, hoping to use my size azz the advantage to slip out of the giant’zzz reign of terror. And when I flew acrozz the fat serpent, I managed to catch a glimpse of it’zz ugly head - it hazz no eyezz, completely bald, a bit wrinkled and hazz a puckering mouth to go with it.
Just as I wazz wondering what on the mother of fucking earth thizz goddamn fugly creature izzz, the serpent started to violently puke a torrent of stinkin’ yellow tranzzlucent liquid, shooting at the cave, and then moved towardzzz me! I of courze flapped like a mad mozzie on drugzz gettin’ my ass outta there! almozzt uzing up all my microorganizm feeding yearzz of energy, juzzt to narrowly ezzcape that dreadful puke of death.
But that wazzn’t the end of the terror, the serpent, having failed to drown me with hizz puke, suddenly lunged up of itz position to take a bite at me… so fazzt that it wazz streaking up an illuzion of mid-air-suspended yellow lucid venom in the process… GODDAMN!
Fortunately, I managed to take drop wing maneuver that uncle Louie taught me when I wazz a little mozzie, and I escaped the second attack unscathed, leaving the curzed place… never looking back.
I swear on losing my proboscis that I’ll never hang out at cool cavezz ever again…”
his version of the story:
“I was late for lunch and I needed a quick piss. So I got in front of this nearest urinal I could find, unzipped frantically and whipped out my prick to flush out my bloated bladder. Just as that extension of my bodily organ flails into the air space of the porcelain niche, suddenly, a mosquito appeared inside the urinal out of nowhere and began to head towards my dick’s direction.
I panicked of course, them goddamn mosquitoes have viruses! and I don’t want to end up inside the hospital diagnosed with malaria from a mosquito bite up on my dickhead! So, that little terrorist bastard has got to be stopped. Having no zapper or whatsoever convenient weapon at hand, I tried to drown the goddamn insect by shooting it with my piss.
But that proved to be a difficult task, having to man-hold that mega horsepower torque turret to shoot a weeny insect no bigger than a cat teat. That bloodsucker was lucky that day to have escaped some serious ammonia poisoning. Sensing danger, the mosquito then darted towards my pubic region, probably hoping to seek temporary refuge in the lush thicket of hairs there.
That ambitious little fucker.
Of course I wouldn’t let that happen. I still have a last resort up my sleeve that I can use - I tried to dickslap it, which I shamefully missed (hey, try biffing up a termite with a bulldozer, you’ll get my predicament)… and spilled piss all over in the process, creating an unintended mess around the urinal. GODDAMN!
But that was enough to scare that filthy mosquito away, leaving me back to my unfinished business. *heaves sigh of relief*
Man they should fog the toilet every now and then… there are some dangerous shits in there! ”
moral of the stories:
Listen to one side, you’ll get a story. Listen to both sides, you’ll get the truth.
Another community message brought to you by Ridsect and Koko Crunch.
