*this was a follow up from yesterday’s post - “Reckless driving in Company X”

The guy came to my lab this morning to confront me. Apparently, his boss learned about this incident and sent him a nasty mail. Here’s the transcript based on my recollection (I’ve snipped out a lot of the repetitive dialog and some unimportant statements, but I can assure you the content is 99% accurate, though not verbatim…):

Asshole: “Are you the guy who drove that big nasty black car?”

From the way he spoke, I instantly knew he’s a Chinese educated guy. Not that I look down on them but, from the moment I was about to retort his rude approach, I knew I was going to pwn this motherfucker big time.

Me: “Yes. What’s your problem?”

Asshole: “What the hell do you want? What did you report about me? Did you know my boss sent me a nasty mail???”

Me: “You sped past behind my reversing car, you drove recklessly”

Asshole: “You suddenly reversed wut!! How do I know when you want to suddenly reverse??”

Me: “I was reversing into a carpark lot. That’s what carparks are for - parking. What.. is that so surprising for you? To see someone reversing into a parking lot? Are you stupid or something??”

Asshole: “That’s why I honked you!”

Me: “You deliberately sped through the gap… any blind man could have seen that.”

Asshole: “You can read my speedometer aaa?? How do you know I was speeding?? Where do you live??”

He started to walk closer to my face ala the obnoxious soccer player style. He was trying to intimidate me. He had a bad case of halitosis…

Me: “I live at the island. Are you threatening me now? What, are you a gangster or something?”

Asshole stepped back.

Asshole: “No I’m not a gangster and I’m not threatening you.”

Me: “So what do you want?”

Asshole: “Look, I was just driving past…bla bla bla”

He was trying to justify his assholism. I interrupted him halfway

Me: “Look, I’m not interested to hear your story… The main point of the whole deal is, you nearly caused me an accident with your reckless driving… and I really don’t like you.”

Asshole: “Why you don’t like me?? Haa?? Haaa?? Who are you??” [makes his gangster face]

Me: “That’s because you’re goddamn stupid. You drove like an idiot… that’s why”

Asshole: “Hey! If you want to settle, let’s settle this outside now!!”

From his body language, I could tell that his guy was itching for a punch on his face. And I was itching to fulfill his request…

Me: “You threatening me again? Well, I’m not scared. In fact, I can get you into more trouble just with that.”

Asshole: “You should have confronted me directly… not to lodge a report like a sissy”

Me: “Friend, I would love to beat you up. And if you’re trying intimidate me with gangster stuffs, I ain’t scared either. I can get you into that kind of trouble as well…”

Asshole: “Look… I don’t know you and I do not know why are you doing all these. This is all a misunderstanding…I was just bla bla bla”

He’s making another round of justification for his assholism again. I interrupted him halfway.

Me: “Hey asshole, are you trying to clarify what happened yesterday?”

Asshole: “Yes I was trying to clarify…”

Me: “THEN DO IT PROPERLY! The way you intimidated me? That was lame. That’s not how an educated person confront a problem. Actually, it don’t really matter to me what happened. If you apologize now, I’d consider this issue settled.”

Asshole: “WHY SHOULD I APOLOGIZE?? I did nothing wrong!!! It’s all a misunderstanding!!” [upset face]

Told ya he’s an asshole. I was thinking, why did he even bother trying to confront me in hope to settle this thing off peacefully? Definitely not with a stinking attitude like that. The way he declined to apologize made him look like a child who is in denial of a chocolate theft, with the chocolate stain still smeared at the side of his mouth.

Well, he just decided to walk out of the confrontation without any apparent resolution. I polished him off by giving him an advice - “Next time, learn how to speak properly.” and I whispered under by breath “idiot”.

That was the time when Ted walks into the area and we adjourned together into the lab, with a whole new story to tell. Yeah, I pwn-ed him alright. Let’s hope he wouldn’t do anything stupid like vandalizing my car…